for Mark Rowland & Jim Stern

Ernie Johnson in our studios will explain
the need for bonus coverage. Does TV enhance
the quality of our lives? The answer is

oblivious: of course. Planting a French
kiss on the muzzle of the Haitian Strongman’s
gun will get you a version of sick we don’t

have cures for. Yet. Crocodile rock. Beeper
boys in diapers troll for dirty cops, offering
sisters’ mouths. Mary Maguire wins the convent

swearing contest each year, hands down. Kneepads
too. Fiddlesticks. Why, I’ll be. Darn that dream
and bless it too, for without that dream I wouldn’t

kung fu. A brick in mouth is better than two
at customs. Welcome to the Custerdome. Inside jobs
grin with cash. Genetic cruise control. Now this:

Never pass into the post until the man is ready.
Never break the dotted line on the break without
taking it all the way to the hole. Always throw it

down with authority. Never take it weak. Never
take it soft. Make your bed. Fight your father. Hit
back harder. Vote early and often. Use two hands.