SUPERMODEL

David Breskin may have written the world’s first self-contextualizing turbo-novel, or turbo-poem if you prefer. An intricate machine, Supermodel generates a wild ride: the headlong velocity and eyestunning detail of its story, the force of its situations, and the veracity of its characters will seize and pull you from front to back fast enough for thrills, chills, and bouts of epistemological whiplash. The story’s framing device-an injured supermodel stranded by a tsunami in a palm tree, her fiancé’s whereabouts unknown-uses Petra Nemcova’s famous predicament as its point of departure and its avenue of ingress into a richly invented character: a supremely beautiful woman treading her beauty’s way into the world.

Speeding at you in a single extended sentence, this story is paired, in parallel italicized couplets, with a running commentary Breskin has extracted from the endless bubbling fountain of the Internet. This cyber-Greek chorus (presenting voices ranging from the Department of Defense to the Vagina Institute, from lad mags to cosmologists) is frequently hilarious when not terrifying. Sometimes a stand-in for the noise of the world, but more often a torrent of the unexpected and the mindbogglingly apt, this flow pours into and around our heroine’s story to make a whole that is, somehow and all at once, sympathetic and satiric, profound and profane.

An intertwined and twinning lattice, in which fact and fiction outdo each other in a festival of the improbable and the unassailably so, Supermodel presents the world we know, rendered in a form we have neither seen before nor anticipated. And yet, we will recognize it the instant we find it in front of us, right there, living, on the page: the first epic poem of the Internet Age.

PRAISE FOR DAVID BRESKIN’S PREVIOUS BOOKS

for Escape Velocity

“The first thing you notice about David Breskin is that he’s got chops up the wazoo and is fabulously intelligent. It may take longer to start seeing through his fierce and faceted eye or to notice how many of our lived-in worlds it sees in all their dazzle of simultaneity and fact. This is poetry in which the intimate and public worlds do not exclude each other but mutually refract their signs and lights, and where even the self on which the world imposes its unrelenting politics can earn, with ingenuity and effort, its meed of radiance.”

—Rafi Zabor

“I have never read anything like it. Breskin has the eye of a great filmmaker and the ear of a great musician.”

—Bono

for Fresh Kills

‘‘A beautiful book, accomplished in style, and surprising in the range of its concerns, Fresh Kills is most of all exemplary in the way Breskin manages to infuse literal details and situations with extra-literal significance, the way, that is, he manages to describe the world beyond the self in a language that does so much more than just describe. These are challenging, surprising and very moving poems.”

—Alan Shapiro

for The Real Life Diary of a Boomtown Girl

“David Breskin’s first novel has the killer twang of a vintage Telecaster. It’s ringing with road smarts and girl talk, the chills and the buzz of first love, the menace of strip mines and fist fights. Randi Bruce’s saucy voice and the stories she tells us are sad and hilarious, rowdy and very American.”

—James McManus

SUPERMODEL

David Breskin

ALSO BY DAVID BRESKIN

Poetry

CAMPAIGN

DIRTY BABY

Escape Velocity

Fresh Kills

Fiction

The Real Life Diary of a Boomtown Girl

Non-Fiction

Inner Views: Filmmakers in Conversation

We Are The World

As Editor

RICHTER 858

SUPERMODEL
Copyright © 2017, 2006 by David Breskin. All rights reserved.

Book Design: David Breskin + Luke Ogrydziak

Cover Image: Lucas Cranach, the Elder, German, 1472–1553, Adam and Eve (shown together), c. 1530, Oil on panel (pair), each panel: 75 x 27 1/2 in. Courtesy Norton Simon Art Foundation

First published in 2006 by Soft Skull Press
Distributed by Publishers Group West

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available from the Library of Congress

For

Billie Miro
&
Thelonious Blue

Everything

Everything

Everything

Everything in its right place

In its right place

In its right place

Right place

—Radiohead

SUPERMODEL

Young lady in a battered, swirling palm, clinging to certain facts: first

the matter of her beauty, drawing deep from the bountiful but poisoned

Abbrraxa Aimee Sweet Alexandra Silk Alexis Amore Alysin Chaynes Alyssa

Alps Amber Rain Angel Eyes Angelina Joy Ashton Moor Asia Max Aurora

spring of her inheritance: father’s luxuriously-planted almond eyes;

mother’s generous pelvis; granddaddy’s tall broad back (a swimmer’s

Snow Autumn Jade Bambi Bella Donna Bolivia Samsonite Briana Banks Brittney

Skye Bunny Luv Butter Candy Cantaloupes Carmen Luvana Casey Pink Chantilly

back, which would stand her in good grace if she fell now into the raging

wash below); grandma Mimi’s fine high bosom—a taut rack mimicking

Lace Chasey Lain Chelsea Charms Cherokee Chloe Dior Christina Nurse Christy

Canyon Cindy Crawford Colt45 Daisey Chain Danni Ashe Danny Glow Dayton

the rocket-shaped brassieres of the ’50s, which Mimi needed not, and if weathered

photos could be trusted, did without; a flaring Sierra ridge of a nose shadowing

Rains Dawn Stone Desert Storm Diamond Forever Dixie Bubbles Domino Donita

Dunes Dru Barrymore Ebony Green Emilie Davinci Envy Mi Felicia Fox Fiona

the plush poolside chaise-longue cushions that describe her much-discussed

lips; aunt’s juicy baby back ribs; and lastly the rumor (only rumor because

Bones Flick Shagwell Foxy Lady Francesca Sin Gauge Ginger Lynn Ginger

Nice Giselle Yum Goldie Star Green Eyes Hannah Harper Harley Rain Harmony

no photos were in evidence) of her great-grandma Eva’s impossible legs,

which were, in her mom’s flickery, grainy account, “a Latvian legend”

Bliss Harmony Grant Heather Hooters Heaven St. Claire Helena Hemanova Holly

Hollywood Honey Houston Hunter Love Hypatia Lee Ice India Isabelle Camille

so strong, long and finely supple were they—a set of calipers so shiny

they famously blurred Riga dance floors during what passed for the flapping

Ivy Jacklyn Lick Jade Hsu Jana Kova Jasmin St. Claire Jayme Fuckingham Jeanie

Rivers Jeanna Fine Jenna Haze Jenna Jameson Jennifer Dark Jennifer Luv Jenny

’20s there, so said a contemporary society-page item penned by one Karolina

Minkova, herself a tasty tart accused of more interest in Eva than was perhaps

Fox Jessica Biglips Jessica Justice Jessica Turner Jessie Capelli Jewel Jezabelle

Bond Joanne Guest Jordan Maze Judy Star Judy Suns Julie Meadows Julie

prudent at that time, in that place, or so family lore had it, handed down

from grandma to mom to her, still now clinging, remembering facts: second,

Strain Kaitlyn Ashley Kandi Cox Karma Rosenberg Kate Frost Kate Kaptive Katie

Cutie Katie Rose Kaylynn Kelle Marie LA Bust Lacey Legends Lana Lotts Layla

there was the matter of her raw jungly ferocity, a jaguar clawishness

noted by gossip pros in leading-edge rag-trade mags, never confusing

Jade Layla Rivera Lea Martini Leslie Glass Leatha Weapons Lexus Locklear Lezley

Zen Lilly Than Lily Little Lindy Fox Lisa Hotlipps Lisa Lipps Lisa Marie Lisa

it with mundane, plain-Jane bitchiness but rather more pure hunger:

a rare ability to eat the photographer’s food, however dully laid out

Parks Lita Chase Liz Tyler Lovette Lucy Lee Lucy Thai Luna Lane Lyla Lei

Lyric Mandy Bright Mandy Starr Martina Fox Mary Carey Masuimi Max Maxi

on the shoot, job after job, as a smorgasbord of snaps, to which all

the girls had equal access but from which few could scratch a proper

Mounds Maya Divine Mega Titten Mei Yu Melissa Doll Melissa Milano Melonie

Charm Mercedez Mia Smiles Mia Stone Michelle Bond Miak Tan Mindy Vega Misty

meal—her rampaging appetite for expression, a neck-snapping bite

from every shuttering blink, was fast legend in the thin days of ’01

Rain Mocha Cream Mona Liza Monica Mayhem Monica Sweetheart Monique Dane

Moonlight Nanna Gibson Natalie Heart Nautica Nikki Chao Niki Blond Niki

when the next It Girl went missing, the industry aswarm with a dull buzz

of aliens, waifs and addicts, and she was pushed by interested parties

Knockers Nikita Blonde Nikki Anderson Nikki Benz Nikki Dawn Nikki Dial Nikki

Fairchild Nikki Loren Nikki Love Nikki Nova Nikki Nyte Nikki Sun Nina Dolci Nina

as “Part of the Solution, Not Part of the Problem,” and this before she sprayed

her urine (as it were) on location about the beached villas of the now-legendary

Ferrari Obsession Olivia Del Rio Olivia O’Lovely Orchidea Kersesztes Paige

Summers Paizley Adams Pandora Peaks Pantera Pavlina Valentova Penelope

’03 S.I. Swimsuit shoot—her own coded razor wire marking territory

around the suite of the photographer she increasingly fancied (which

Pumpkins Penny Flame Peter North Phoenix Pixie Plenty UpTopp Precious Priscilla

Doll Rachel Z Racquel Darrian Ramona Luv Randi Rushmore Rebecca Wild Red

the other girls cattily called “terror-tory” amongst themselves, prompting

her cryostatic glare when they so much as even flirted “in quotes” with

Heaven Rene LaRue Renee Pornero River Rocki Roads Ron Jeremy Ryan

Star Sabriana Maui Sabrina Snow Samantha Fire Sandra Scream Sandra

him, as she overheard in their sloppily loud tequila “joking” at the shoot-

end party in the Seychelles): third, there was mostly the matter of her

Shine Sasha Saint Sarah Mercury Sarah Sinn Savannah Sera Fox Serena South

Serenity Sharon Wild Shay Sights Shay Sweet Shyla Fox Shyla Styles Sierra

total love for him, her Ari, now swept away and not seen, her heart pounding

(which in the airport trash she loved-to-hate and hated that other girls loved

Sky Lopez Sophie Moon Stephanie Swift Stormy Summer Cumming Sunny Leone

Sunrise Sunshine Susana Spears Suzy Sweet Sydnee Steele Sydney Moon Sylvia

would be compared cheesily to the pounding of the surf) a terrifying

tune of nine-tenths abandonment one-tenth hope, daily radio gruel

Panda Sylvia Saint Tabitha Cash Tabitha Stern Tall Goddess Tamara Noon Tawny

Peaks Tawny Roberts Taylor Ann Taylor Hayes Taylor Little Taylor Lynn Taylor

of the less-but-now-more-fortunate audience—the magazine readers,

the commuters, the Oprah watchers, the clock punchers, the checkout

Rain Temptation Temptress Tera Patrick Teri Weigel Terri Star Terri

Summers Tiffany Mynx Tiffany Rose Tiffany Towers Treasure Chest Tricia

girls, the beaten women and stepped-on men (previously parentally

beaten down), the chronic-loserville sports fans, the watchers and not

Uptown Tyler Faith Tyler Fox Vanessa Blue Vanilla DeVille Vega Vixen Velvet

Rose Veronica Vanoza Veronica Zemanova Vicky Vogue Victoria Evans Victoria

doers, the unlucky-in-lovers, the short, the fat, the squat, the pimpled,

the rat-mazed mortgage payers, always racing to refi, and refi again—

Knight Victoria Roberts Victoria Swinger Victoria Woods Victoria Zdrok Violet

Blue Virginia Collins Vivian Silverstone Viviana Hughes Wanda Curtis Wendy Devine

a heart song she’d previously unsung, never felt misty

upon hearing, so remote its frequency of deranged

Windy Leigh XXXena XXXRaimi Yana Cova Yasmine Blake Yasmine Gold Zara

Whites Zabrina Aamir Zdenka Zoe Young Zoe Zeman Zora Banks Zoryna

despair coupled (pathetically) to that little-engine-that-could

train of hope coming ’round the mountain when she can, always

Dreams Zuzanna While other lovers sing your praises in phrases deftly

lyrical, I’m a cat who’s better at a scat song that’s satirical In begging

in danger of derailing—getting all greasy with tears and iron

filings cut by rusted coupler’s clang—the blue acetylene torch

for your hand sweet chick, I hope you’ll understand this lick My love to you

I bring on account a you can sing Bli-Blip Varthy Flam Flam Flam Hip Dee

of my old flame I can’t even remember his name and so on, not to say

she hadn’t heard the songs of losers but that she hadn’t listened until

Oddle Odda Baaaa-imp My love for you is true on account a you can do Bli-

Blip Varthy Flam Flam Flam Hip Dee Oddle Odda Baaaa-imp My poor heart

just now, when her own scatting pump splayed out a forcebeat

rhythm so ridiculously hysterical not even Bird swooping above,

gives a start like a jitterbug just won’t stop Mix your crooning with my spooning

and let me blow my top, mop! Your love to me I’ve sworn on account a mine is

untouched by the mysteriously triggered aquatic display, could swing

over it and make her piercing love-cry arpeggios into anything like

y’orn Bli-Blip Varthy Flam Flam Flam Hip Dee Oddle Odda Baaaa-imp (scat

interlude) My poor heart gives a start like a jitterbug just won’t stop, so mix

a recognizable song, much less an improvisation (and what is love but

that?) worthy of being transcribed, studied, copied, teased, improved,

your crooning with my spooning and let me blow my top, MOP! Your love to me

I’ve sworn on account of mine is y’orn Bli-Blip Varthy Flam Flam Flam Hip

tangled with and obeyed; no, she was on her own here, without a wandering

albatross to Sikorsky her heavenward, without a side of beefy firemen assembled

Dee Oddle Odda Baaaaaaaaa-imp! altarelli parisi, big bang, black hole

physics, bottom quark, charm quark, charmed quark, critical density, down

below gripping a welcoming tramp on which to leap, their sooty faces

stained like so many pitch-dark cheeks of wide receivers looking back

quark, electromagnetic force, fermi constant, feynman loop, field theory, fine

structure, free space impedance, fundamental constant, gamma ray, gauge

through stadium lights or equatorial slant of sun in hopes of catching

the quarterback’s optimistic bomb; without the sluggardly but Steady Eddie

theory, grand unification, grand unified theory, hubble constant, hubble’s

constant, inflation period, M theory, mathematical physics, mu meson, natural

tree sloth, to scootch up the palm, sniff approvingly and take her

in his mouth, (as she’d just taken, wink, a certain unsleeping sloth)

units, new physics, newton constant, newton’s constant, noether’s theorem, nuclear

astrophysics, nuclear physics, parity violation, particle accelerator, perturbation

ever so gingerly of course so as not to damage the lustrous matte

finish of her buttery skin, and to hold her and hold her, and hold

theory, planck constant, planck units, Planck’s constant, quantum cosmology,

quantum physics, quantum spin, quark gluon, splitting function, space time, speed

her safely there, until the waters stopped roiling and the beaches

reappeared, the film rewound into the motor drives and the room-

of light, standard model, strange quark, string theory, strong force, structure

function, super symmetric, super symmetry, theoretical physics, theory of

service breakfast came back out of her mouth to reassemble itself,

artfully, on her plate, and until Ari was carried back, in a jungle

everything, top quark, unit of measure, units of measure, universal constant, up

quark, vacuum expectation, velocity of light, weak boson, weak force, weak

clubmix siren song of sexy waves, right back to this very palm, her

palm, the palm of her hand, in which she had him rapt, in leisure’s

mixing, black hole singularity, zero point field, arXiv, astrophysics, boson, cern,

cosmological, cosmology, CPT, CPT violation, dglap, electroweak, entropic,

luxe shade, but…but this spin was like asking for a real cartoon

or a fairy tale to censor grim witches in favor of only tea-safe

entropy, fermion, feyncalc, fnal, formcalc, geometrodynamics, gluon,

gravitation, gravitational, gravity, higgs, lanl, lbnl, LEP, lepton, looptools,

tigers and grinning squeaky dolphins, or like wishing for a toddler’s

noontime napdream turned true (e.g. the far-fetched ’toony tree sloth)

meson, meson particle, muon, neutrino, ornl, particle mass prediction, particle

mass prescription, permeability, permitivity, permittivity, phonon, photon, pion,

and the sooner she snapped out of such out-of-touch reveries, she felt,

the better her chances of living-to-tell, or was it the opposite?: were her

qcd, qed, quark, relativity, singularity, slac, susy, topological, universal

acceleration, universe acceleration, ZPF Welcome to TheoryOfEverything (.com

high-octane fuel fantasies injecting the very calories her brain craved

to continue operating under such conditions?—the sheer implausible

& .org) This is a site for Theoretical Nuclear AstroPhysics & Quantum

Cosmology I have posted my point of view with respect to a possible basis

safety she arranged like a shimmering wave-slicked obsidian fortress

in her head functioning as a placebo I.V. drip—her wobbly flights

for a TOE I will also post TOE related theories from public input regarding

emergent concepts related to completing our understanding of the Universe

of dangerously overleveraged fantasy but a skeet shoot of clay birds

spraying dopamine to farthest cortex corners with every choking pull:

A TOE will contain more than merely conceptual models Self consistent

conceptual models are a necessary (albeit insufficient) condition for a satisfactory

even in her compromised position, above drowned earth and beneath

the lowest low bathroom moment of her hypermoody teen periods,

TOE model They require a mathematical linkage to, or replacement of, Standard

Model Physics (e.g. Super String or M Theory) This should include a (possibly

when even the thought of ending it all was not a stranger in the room (not

even an especially disliked companion so dark those days), she considered

Super Symmetric) Grand Unified Theory (GUT) or at least a rationalization

of charge: the (Special) Relativistic Quantum ElectroDynamics (QED) and

the possibility that thinking about anything was better than thinking

about nothing and the possibility that thinking about something other

Quantum ChromoDynamics (QCD) of the ElectroMagnetic-Weak (Electro Weak)

and Strong Forces respectively) Completion of the TOE should rationalize

than the dim physics of her situation (the slowly hemorrhaging arc “a”

of her tree, her weight “b;” which she knew was something of a subject

a GUT with mass or (possibly Quantum) Gravity (i.e. General Relativity’s

(GR) Gravitational Force) They must also have a basis in the scientific

at certain houses and among certain editors, bearing down on said tree,

plus “x,” the force of wind, oddly almost none now she noticed) or was it

method—implying the ability to predict experimentally verifiable phenomena

(e.g. a simple and accurate prescription for particle masses) It will NOT

geometry?: top-of-tree-to-boiling-waves the hypotenuse opposite right

angle, dotted line of fall into water describes the shortest fuck that, no

contain Meta Physics or Pseudo Science If you are unsure before you eMail

content check your Crackpot Index The Context & Framework for thinking

point thinking like that, so she kept skating the entire circumference

of her famous dome, measuring her memory, prefabricating stories

about the Universe, Cosmology, Life, Mankind, and Cognition should not be

mistaken as part of a TOE The philosophies, musings, and motivations of

which made the tree sloth anorexically underimagined by comparison:

she gave herself, in a word, permission, ah, that was her mother’s favorite

the scientist should not be confused with science They sometimes provide a

(sometimes even mathematical) method to help simplify the understanding

word, for everyone else and mostly herself, born in Björkö, north

of Stockholm, in 1956, and maybe that was because two years later

of the inner complexities of the Math and Physics of the TOE Please send

your comments to J. Gregory Moxness Background Picture Information:

in Geneva, her mom’s mom, Mimi Magnusson, who’d had her pretty

late, at 28, owing to her career as a prima ballerina for the Royal Swedish

STScI-PRC-00-08 January 24, 2000 Hubble Opens its Eye on the Universe

and Captures a Cosmic Magnifying Glass “Kids were screaming Then you

Ballet, was knocked down by a drunk truck driver running late

for a delivery, so very unSwiss of him, plowed over and dragged

didn’t hear the kids anymore” N.Y. model’s harrowing tale of survival

as boyfriend swept away by tidal wave AT LEAST 26,000 DEAD IN

thirty-seven feet and eleven days until her death, putting an instant

stop to her first postpartum tour (a triumphant return to the stage

TSUNAMI N.Y. Supermodel Held On For Dear Life for 8 Hours in Raging

Surf Did a Neutron Star Explosion from across the Milky Way Galaxy

much celebrated in Swedish dancing circles) and her chosen role

as mother, finally, to a child, for which she’d auditioned for years

cause the Asian Tsunami? Nine (9) Alternative Frames of Analysis There are at

least Nine (9) “frames” of preliminary alternative analysis or perception regarding

with her husband Petter, who received the truck news like a shot of lead

to his gutted gut, and from that point struggled onward to raise their Ann

cause-effect cycle of the Earthquake-Tsunami Event of Christmas/Boxing Day 2004

Frame 1: Neutron Star Explosion Detected December 27, 2004 NASA—Scientists

in something resembling a colorful vial of vodka poured by

the Welfare State; but then again, being essentially orphaned

have detected a flash of light from across the Galaxy so powerful that it bounced off

the Moon and lit up the Earth’s upper atmosphere The flash was brighter than anything

at two gave her mom all kinds of freedom and the time to tweak

it—Grandpa Perter nonstop busy on the Saab fighter program,

ever detected beyond our Solar System and lasted over a tenth of a second The scientists

said the light came from a “giant flare” on the surface of an exotic neutron star, called

engineering out the kinks on the Draken Interceptors, pushing

them to Mach 2 by ’75 the government plan, so her not-yet mom

a magnetar The apparent magnitude was brighter than a full moon and all historical star

explosions The light was brightest in the gamma-ray energy range, far more energetic

had room to bloom (this was the ’60s) unfettered by her dad’s obsession

with hydraulic fluid flux rates and bird-ingestion woes, the whole Saab

than visible light or X-rays and invisible to our eyes Such a close and powerful

eruption raises the question of whether an even larger influx of gamma rays, disturbing

story, which strangely indeed led to hers, now tree-clawing and

panting, on pause on account of paradigm shifts and events of

the atmosphere, was responsible for one of the mass extinctions known to have occurred

hundreds of millions of years ago NASA’s newly launched Swift satellite and the NSF-

seismic importance: in 1976, a young Saudi pilot from the ancient city

of Al Hufuf flew his 35 Draken tester from his base at Wadi ad Dawasir

funded Very Large Array (VLA) were two of the many observatories that observed

the event, arising from the neutron star SRG 1806-20, about 50,000 light years

all the way to Arlanda, outside Stockholm, to see if its airspeed was truly

50% faster than any other same-class interceptor (as promised by Saab)

from Earth in constellation Sagittarius “This might be a once-in-a-lifetime event

for astronomers, as well as for the neutron star,” said Dr. David Palmer of Los Alamos

and to return the plane within the terms of the test contract, and…and

to steeply increase his odds of meeting fragrantly antiseptic blondes

National Laboratory, lead author on a paper describing the Swift observation “We

know only two other giant flares in the past 35 years, and this December event was

for the first time outside the tourist traps of Jeddah and Riyadh, before

heading home, commercial, on SAS, or so this was his stated mission:

one hundred times more powerful” Dr. Bryan Gaensler of the Harvard-Smithsonian

Center for Astrophysics is lead author of a report describing the VLA observation,

Denmark had already purchased Drakens for ground attack and recon,

Finland for interception, and Austria had bought them for surveillance,

which tracked the ejected material as it flew out into interstellar space A neutron star is

the core remains of a star once several times more massive than our Sun When such stars

but Zakia’s only function (post-delivery of the hardware) was to surveil

Gamla Stan after dark for his own non-uniform software purposes, which

deplete their nuclear fuel, they explode—an event called a supernova The remaining core

is dense, fast spinning, highly magnetic, and only about 15 miles in diameter Millions

compelled him in inverse proportion to the paucity of possibility

back home in the Saudi desert, the burqa allure a non-starter

of neutron stars fill our Milky Way galaxy Scientists have discovered about a dozen ultra-

high-magnetic neutron stars, called magnetars The magnetic field around a magnetar

and the bourbon sumps sand-filled in all but the most secret

oases on the Air Force bases of the microwave hot South—so

is about 1,000 trillion gauss, strong enough to strip information from a credit card at a

distance halfway to the moon In a tenth of a second, the giant fare on SRG 1806-20

he trolled for tuna in his navy blue V-neck unmedalled Air Force

sweater, and found Ann, twenty, stacked, lapis eyed, tall, fair

produced more energy than the Sun emits in 150,000 years “The next biggest flare

ever seen from any soft gamma repeater was peanuts compared to this incredible

as Lapland sun, long locks twisted into French braids, waffle crimps

and the rest flying wavy free, dancing with a girlfriend to Roxy Music

December 27 event,” said Gaensler, “Had this happened within 10 light years of us, it would

have severely damaged our atmosphere” Fortunately for life on Earth, the nearest known

while sucking a Camel, blowing “O” rings, laughing, her ripped

stonewashed jeans and strategically askew “Born to Run” t-shirt

magnetar is about 13,000 light years away—too far for any future burst to damage the

planet The radiation burst from a closer explosion could, for example, wipe out the ozone

but the sideshow for the Saudi, who made small- and big-talk in a purple

voice over Bryan Ferry in impeccably mannered English, and did what any

layer “Astronomically speaking, this was in our backyard,” said Gaensler, “If it were

in our living room, we’d be in big trouble” Artist conception of the December 27, 2004

man sitting on more than his pro rata share of petrodollars would do:

within fifty-six hours, the SAS flight home missed for “health” reasons—

gamma ray flare expanding from SRG-1806-20 and impacting Earth’s atmosphere

Click here to watch video Did New York Orchestrate The Asian Tsunami? With

bad herring, he reported—he’d visited the H. Stern in the Grand Hotel,

bagged a stone the size of his expectations, and proposed: so astringent

Afghanistan and Iraq already lost, the Wall Street Bankers were all desperately looking

for other ways to control our world, when suddenly and very conveniently, the Sumatran

was Ann’s beauty, and so medicinal was its effect on him, that he paid

no mind to other choices or whether this would matter to his momma

Trench exploded Trick or Treat? “Others are engaging even in an eco type of terror-

ism whereby they can alter the climate, set off earthquakes or volcanoes remotely,

or papa, high-ups in Riyadh, who bothered themselves blue with elephant

polo, Silver Shadows and trips to Paris to refill their Hermès steamer trunks

through the use of electromagnetic waves” American Secretary of Defense William S. Cohen

April 1997 Despite a natural human tendency to be shocked into silence by the sheer number

from time to time; no, this was it: Ann, the one, plus occasional love

for jets of sudden speed and spine jolt, although complications soon

of dead and injured across Asia on 26 December 2004, and despite also being slightly

fearful of losing personal credibility because of the magnitude of the apparent crime,

ensued, as they do, when Petter was apprised, Ann being as eagerly in love

as Zakia (and loving to rebel, in a fashion, having almost nothing else left

there are many provable irregularities in the official American tsunami story that simply have

to be recorded now, or forever lost in the sands of time It is beyond any doubt that a giant

to rebel against) quitting her sociology major in Uppsala and making plans

to join him in the States, where he was geared for a high-honor but deskish

Corrugated Metals Inc. proudly introduces the Metalith, a twenty-first century

perimeter security system, designed to protect critical infrastructure from terrorist

stint inside Cheyenne Mountain, working the Saudi observer post for NORAD,

and would marry her, immediately if not sooner—well, Petter threw a royal

attacks involving the use of explosives and/or speeding vehicles Originally

used by the United States Armed Forces for force and critical equipment

fit and, sucking in air like Swedes do under his radar’s breath,

warned her every which way to cease, desist, come to her senses

protection in forward areas, the Metalith has been modified to accommodate

the growing demand for the protection of commercial, industrial and govern-

(which he’d failed to install, years back, thus voiding his parental warranty)

and which she’d leave behind anyway, when they didn’t suit her, for other

mental sites against various types of attacks The Metalith is a prefabricated

steel wall structure which offers superior blast mitigation, anti-ram vehicle

senses, as Zakia would leave behind all the Qur’an strictures he’d learned

before being bar mitzvah’d, so to speak, into the Saudi Air Force, so—

protection, cost efficiency, and ease of installation The product is available

in multiple sizes and configurations to meet the custom requirements of any

five months anon they met at Stapleton International, toasted

Denver’s gross brown cloud from the airport cocktail lounge

site in need of physical perimeter protection Architects will prefer the Metalith

because of the availability of the product in varying paint finishes, metal substrate

and three flutes of Dom later were safely embedded inside the vault-

like fortress of The Brown Palace, where they stayed for six weeks

types, and modification options to enhance aesthetics If you are serious

about protecting assets against vehicle-borne improvised explosive devices

in a suite usually reserved for visiting dignitaries, snowed-in Hollywood

celebs (stranded going to/from Aspen and/or Vail), and oil-patch bigwig

(VBIEDs), or perimeter security penetrations by unauthorized vehicles,

the Metalith is the perfect solution for your physical perimeter security

CEOs, shagging shamelessly and at all hours, sometimes with sound

effects and sometimes with Ann whispering “Drag Me Backwards” or

requirements Call us at (800) 621-5617 to learn more about how Metalith

blast mitigation and anti-ram barriers can solve your critical infrastructure

“Heaven & Pancakes” in Swedish (homely expressions she’d taught him)

and either way, it was Haram, it was about as Haram as it gets, ’twasn’t

and perimeter security problems Stop intruders before they cause serious

security issues, critical infrastructure damage, or disaster Looking down

Halal by any stretch, and that made it even better than it actually

was, which was, ta-da, lust, followed by even more lust, followed

between my legs, I see nothing that looks attractive and much less feminine I

wish I was blessed with a good-looking vagina, instead of something that makes

by increasing amounts of attraction, steady at first and then intermittent

as skidding clouds across the Rockies frontline which compromised

me cry each time I see it Why is my labium all messed up, why does it stick out

so much, why does it look so bad? I wish every day and night that my vagina

their horizon, followed by a static four-year No Fly Zone of comfort (placid

when not boring), followed by the increasingly vague indifference of Zakia

would be good looking; I want to have perfect lips that are normal in size and shape

I want to have something that looks nice and beautiful instead of something that scares

towards Ann, which made Ann first fight for his attention then turn

away—which just drove him further inside Cheyenne Mountain:

the daylights out of me each time I look down Even going through school,

classmates made fun about my vagina It is simply not fair why some girls

Intelligence, Systems, Weather, Battle Management, Missile

Warning and Space Control the six vectors feeding NORAD

have nice lips and I ended up with ugly lips, found this site, hopefully will remedy

my problem Welcome to the Female Labia Enhancement Centre It’s Every

down the mile-long tunnel, past the 50,000-pound baffled steel blast

doors, and into the fifteen buildings floating on more than a thousand

Girl’s Dream To Have Perfect Vaginal Lips What if you could make your vagina

look pretty without the necessity of undergoing a surgical procedure to improve

thousand-pound springs deep inside the pink Pikes Peak granite

of Cheyenne Mountain, but what her daddy did there every day

the looks of your genitalia? There are many non-surgical procedures which can

help improve the looks of your vagina Women for thousands of years have been

for six years he seemed not to have told her mommy (or Mommy

didn’t listen, or pretended not to know) so that her knowledge came

modifying and enhancing their vaginas Women in the past would take drastic

measures to achieve better looking genitals Women in remote cultures

to exactly one fact: that he worked in a place where two dudes did nothing

all day, every day of the year, except tighten 144,000 bolts to hold back

would take razor sharp stones and use them to cut away their inner labia

to reduce their size As you could imagine, it can be quite painful but was done

the mountain and keep the walls and ceilings true—that stuck

in her mind—plus the bit about how’d he toddle over (her mom’s

as a way to achieve an enhancement of the vulva Other types of enhancements

would lead women to insert hot burning sticks into the vagina as a way to try to

phrase) to the Air Force Academy in Springs to nightfly and push

the hardware till it just about broke—nothing else about her dad’s

tighten it Many deaths must have occurred from these practices Women would

take live insects, such as bees and have them sting the walls of the vagina to create

job ever made it to the kitchen table, and her whole memory of him

was artificially created through three ambered scrapbooks of photos

the effect of tightening Newer and painless methods are now available

for women in order to improve the look of vaginas that are not all that

(90% from her parents first year coupled) and one two-hour Betamax

videotape which featured her dad and mom in various funky states

aesthetically pleasant to look at There is no miracle cure that will make the vagina

look instantly beautiful overnight Have you ever come by a conversation where men

of undress and sobriety on a Lake Powell houseboat, in snow at Rocky

Mountain National Park, going slow through Moffat tunnel in a dome

are discussing a women’s genital appearance that has long and uneven inner

vaginal lips? One woman describes the phrases she has heard—“badly packed

car on the Zephyr (bad lighting made their faces green), and smoking

dope at the back of the concourse in the end zone upper deck of Mile

kebabs” “beef curtains” “explosion in a meat factory” Even young girls find it hard

to undress in front of their classmates during showering after gym glass Many girls

High Stadium at halftime of a Bronco’s game, where you could see

their breath and smoke mixing in the cold and her dad had on a cap

are taunted “Turkey wattle” Labia size is an issue for countless women, all women

want to be perfect down there No one wants to have a turkey wattle or an explosion

with a tassel, like an elf, which kept blowing into his face: she watched

that tape over and over again, freeze-framing, until her mom limited her

down there Even ancient statues featuring the nude form, you would not see long

inner vaginal lips carved out They all represent beauty by having a clean vulva

to once a year, on her birthday only, until their Betamax broke

and her friend’s Betamax machine jammed with the tape stuck

with symmetrical vaginal lips Does labium size matter? It is a firm “yes”; a clean

and tidy look is preferred when it comes to the vagina The Vagina Institute

inside after she’d snuck it out of her house, at which point the cassette case

cracked and the tape tore when she tried to screwdriver it out at which point

is a research centre specializing in collecting and processing data and information

about the female reproductive organs What size penis do you like to be penetrated

she told her girlfriend to throw it away and that was the last she saw

of her dad in action: her mom told her they never married actually

with? What do you do to keep your vagina tight? What do you do to control

vaginal odors and smells? What are some things you do to make your vagina

but were plain perfect for each other, for a time, and even when he got

bored with her, and her just plain dog tired of him, their rutting rituals

prettier? Do looks matter? What is the ideal size of the vagina, clitoris, labia,

etc. ? What about labia minora, is it within the range of normalcy? How much

were “FUBAR fuck-nutty,” including the time in August of 1981

when they did it in the passenger seat of his Delorean after a Police

should the clitoris or vaginal slit measure? Study findings by data analyses

Vaginal Odours Vaginal Mishaps Public Hair, Growth Areas Vaginal Issues

concert at Red Rocks, which was the most important time, Ann

told her repeatedly (mother’s fey mantra) because it caused her

And Concerns Vagina Size World Records Vaginal Beauty Tips Vaginal Myths

Vaginal Controversy What is a labioplasty? What is a vaginoplasty? What is

birth on May 22, 1982 (and mom would celebrate her first birth-

day by lugging her back to Red Rocks on June 5, 1983 to watch,

Clitoroplasty? Surgery for a droopy vulva? Name the female celebrity which you

think would have the prettiest vagina? Which female celebrity do you think has the

amid the klieg lights, whipped fog and freezing freezing cold rain,

Bono wave the white flag—at one moment you can half-see them

ugliest vagina imaginable? Name the female celebrity which you think would have

the tightest vagina? Which female celebrity do you think has the loosest vagina

in the film—daughter held to mom’s chest, still breast feeding,

while Ann mouths the chorus to “I Will Follow”): killer irony

imaginable? Name the female celebrity which you think would have the best and

most pleasant vaginal scent? Which female celebrity do you think has the worst

she grew up hearing from her mom and her mom’s royally pissed-off

above-it-all female friends, because Zakia had left Manitou Springs,

foul smelling vagina imaginable? Which female celebrities vagina would you like

to see in the silver screen in a full view of her actual vagina? Submit Responses

Cheyenne Mountain and the two of them, not ten days before

that first birthday, after threatening to many times, even before

The Most Private of Makeovers By Mireya Navarro The 39-year-old yoga

instructor was like a lot of women these days: she was unhappy with her body

the pregnancy, the birth, even disappearing for long stretches, claiming

NORAD secret missions (such baloney!) and spinning House of Saud

and thought that a little sculpturing by a plastic surgeon would help But

her goal was not the usual smoothing out of facial wrinkles or expanding her

intrigues (yawn!), he finally up and left, saying he wanted her

and the baby to come along but clearly meaning not one little

bust Instead she wanted to achieve her beauty ideal in the most private part

of her anatomy—her genitals “There’s remarkably amazing patient interest

bit of it: on a dazzled May morning, lilacs aflutter, tulips blooming, Zakia

stepped out of their sprawling wet-paint suburban split-level and left them

in this” said Dr. V. Leroy Young, chairman of the emerging trends task force

for the American Society of Plastic Surgeons Vaginal Rejuvenation Expert

the Dolorean (already rusting), copious sporting goods and clothes,

two one-way tickets to Mecca for mother and child (a last unfunny

Surgery Designer Vaginoplasty Labia Reduction By Board Certified Gyn-

ecologist 718-520-1520 They are tightening vaginal muscles, plumping up

practical joke given his strenuously devout secularism) and, clothes-

pinned to the right ear of a giant gold-foil wrapped chocolate Easter

or shortening labia, liposuctioning the pubic area or even restoring the hymen

I love pumping my clit The first time I pumped my clit, I was amazed

Bunny perched on the bluestone fireplace mantle, a cashier’s check

from AL Bank Al Saudi Al Fransif, made out to Ann in the amount

at how strong the orgasm was Now, the first thing I do every morning is attach

the pump and get the kids ready for school! Maude I love pumps…I love pumping

of one million United States dollars: the xeroxed copy of that thin slice

of Zakia’s family’s bread, which would feed mother and daughter for ages,

my nipple and clit to the extreme…my pussy gets so wet seeing my nipples get so

long and my clit big enough to stroke…like having a cock…I play with myself

was framed in a way-fussy pyramidal Tramp Art concoction (as much

sculpture as frame) Ann bought at a trendy antiques place in downtown

anywhere I can…especially in the ladies room Maggie I was born with a very

big clit My parents discussed to have doctor make a sort of clit surgery Lucky

Denver immediately after depositing the real deal—not trusting a local

branch bank not to ask questions—and maintained pride of place above

for me they couldn’t afford it When in college we had a new biology teacher

She was very nice to me and I told her about my problems First she didn’t believe

the kitchen table in the Manitou Springs house (purchased with petrocash

hurriedly pre-baby), then the Littleton house that would become their nest

me but invited me home for a judgment She then demonstrated her love toy,

a pumping device for hidden use She arranged it on her huge clit and she orgasm,

when her mom grew sick of the sticks and shitty schools (she said), easing

them closer to Denver and “better opportunities”: these old thoughts went

she gushed a lot of sticky, very odd milky liquid on a bath towel I now use

a similar pump twice a day and my clit is almost 2.5 inches when full erected

clacketing through her now wildly frantic and yet stickily slowed down

brain, like the muscled gunk-gunk-gunk of a roller coaster on its queasy

My girlfriend calls it her “mini-dick”! Janis “We are deployed entirely

in developing daunting technology,” Robert said “We’ve now created policy

rough-racheted ascent, and on reaching the distorted apex of each fractured

memory, she’d come screaming back to the present: a world awash in junk—

options where you can elect to put a human in or you can elect to put an intelligent

agent in place” “What they can do for the military in downtown Falluja, they can

bright red plastic ten-liter jugs, pool furniture, flip-flops, upside down

fishing boats, fractured skiffs, broken-masted sunfish, deflated Zodiacs

do for the police in downtown Reno,” said Jondavid Black of the company’s

Horizontal Integration Vision division A huge high-altitude airship, 25 times

strewn like used condoms, spinning in whirlpools, big cats cracked and flipping

end over end, their foredeck nets massive strainers catching crap in roped grids—

bigger than the Goodyear Blimp Robot soldiers and neural software—“intelligent

agents”—to do their work Intelligence information factory Transferring spy satellite

life jackets, sleeping bags, coconuts, seaweed, tennis racquets, pajamas,

soccer balls—beach parasols flung like Poseidon’s darts, turning pole up

technology created for mapping mountain ridges to build a mobile lab for reading

fingerprints Executives say the mobile lab, the size of a laptop, is just the tool

into momentary useless rafts before submarining again, an ancient

orange bug turned upside down (its VW logo the wacko figurehead)

for special-operations commandos It can be loaded with the prints of suspected

terrorists they say and linked to the F.B.I.’s 470 million print files The airship,

but no more water-gulping cries of children, just their now-occasional

bodies floating by, like some right-to-lifer’s fever dream of fetuses

with two tons of surveillance sensors, could be used by the Department of Homeland

Security to stare down at the United States Lockheed is also the strongest corporate

awash in Blue State bays or dumped into their cold, black-hearted,

scummy liberal rivers: it was impossible to comprehend, to process

force driving the Pentagon’s plans for “netcentric warfare”: the big idea of

fusing programs through a new military Internet, called the Global Information

the sick data into something resembling a healthy thought, so she’d close

her famous leopard eyes for a moment, before remembering she needed

Grid, to give American soldiers through the world an instant picture

of the battlefield around them “We want to know what’s going on

to look for Ari, because surely he was out there—maybe holding a post

of their soaring teak four-poster bed, most definitely big enough to float

anytime, anyplace on the planet” said Lorraine “It used to be just an airplane

company” said John, “Now it’s a warfare company It’s an integrated solution

him, for sure, without any question (she’d last seen him grabbing for

it before their bungalow disappeared in the second wall of water)—

provider It’s a one-stop shop Anything you need to kill the enemy, they will

sell you” To critics, however, deep ties raise questions “It’s impossible to tell

and surely she would see him soon, now scanning past her palm’s sharp

fronds—their photogenic edges rubbing, serrating her face—somewhere

where the government ends and Lockheed begins,” said Danielle, “The fox

isn’t guarding the henhouse He lives there” Ceiba (Sunauma) Elliottis

between here and the horizon, her Ariel: the first time he shot her,

the Gottex catalog job, first time she met him, first time overseas,

Pine Jarrah (Eucalyptus) Faveiria Melapi Okoume Radiata Pine Virola

Afrormosia Agathis Andiroba Anegre Birch (Eastern European) Imbuia

first time out of the country, on a blistering beach near Haifa,

his first words “You look like you could be little bit sabra, who

Imbuia Iroko Khaya (African Mahogany) Lacewood Lauan Mahogany (Big-

Leaf) Meranti Nogai (Peruvian Walnut) Nyatoh Ramin Rubberwood Sande

are you?” to this girl he’d never seen, never even seen a photograph

of, out of nowhere (oh my G-d Las Vegas was the story), no book

Sapele Spanish Cedar Tauari Teak Wenge Bubinga Cupiuba Kapur

Kempas Keruing Purpleheart Azobe/Ekki Bangkirai Cumaru Greenhcart

to speak of, weak tear sheets he was told, but a hot agency known for hot

ones, she was way too old to be just starting (almost 19) one of the velcro

Ipe Jatoba (Brazilian Cherry) “A wall that is made from lots of small sequences

looks like a patchwork quilt, while large sequences give more uniformity, thereby

hooks in the tale that attached him to her, taking five girls and her

to Elat, shooting her half submerged in the Gulf of Aqaba, nipples

achieving a more pleasing and visually rhythmic application” Because of this

preference for large quantities of consistent veneer, designers of large-scale

pushing the edge of the envelope, even for a swimsuit catalog,

since most wholesale buyers would go bust envisioning hordes

interior projects often favor woods from the tropics Suddenly, the world

wanted wenge In keeping with Webster’s primary definition of exotic—“foreign;

of daring customers no matter how darling the suits, that shot

becoming (after a tedious intracompany debate) the catalog

not native”—any wood that is not indigenous to our country would fall

into this category Suddenly, the world wanted wenge What makes a wood

cover (Ari argued for it, which was unprofessional, but he was arguing

for her, just because): in the end Lea Gottlieb, octogenarian Hungarian

exotic? ex-o-tic (ig-zot ik) adj. 1. From another part of the world; foreign:

exotic tropical plants in a greenhouse See synonyms at foreign 2) Intriguingly

W.W. II immigrant, chief designer, chemist and power behind Gottex, decided

the shot was “aspirational” and worth the cover risk, since after all they couldn’t

unusual or different; excitingly strange: “If something can be explained simply,

in a familiar way, then it is best to avoid more exotic explanations” (Chet

simply continue cladding the seaside loins of the likes of Nancy Kissinger,

Jackie O, Barbara Walters, and Liz Taylor, or most famously Princess

Raymo) see synonyms at fantastic 3. Of or involving striptease: an exotic

dancer n. 1. one that is exotic 2. a striptease performer [Latin exoticus, from

Di, who just six months before her death visited their London showroom

to purchase a suit and was outfitted with a kangaroo print maillot for her trip

Greek, exotikos ,from eco, outside See EXO— ex-ot-i-cal-ly adv. —ex-ot-ic-

ness n. ex-ot-i-ca (ig-zot i-ke) pl.n. Things that are curiously unusual or ex-

to Australia—not only did she send a lovely letter of thanks but also a photo

of her diving in the Gottex model, which graced the wall above Lea’s desk as

citingly strange: such gustatory exotica as killer bee honey and fresh catnip

sauce (latin exotica, from neuter pl. of exoticus, exotic see EXOTIC ex-

the director made the decision to put this Swedish-Saudi product on the cover

(if Gottlieb knew at the time that even one-tenth of one percent of that swimsuit

ot-i-cism (ig-zot i-siz em) em n. The quality or condition of being exotic ex-o-tox-

in (ek so-tok-sin) n. a poisonous substance secreted by a microorganism and re-

stuffing came from such an Arab state, that cover would be instantly kaput,

but at the time everyone thought she was just a new exotic American girl

leased into the medium in which it grows My paradise—so near! Swim

in the South Sea, play at the beach, relax in the lagoon, marvel at the rain-

discovered in Vegas, someone said Denver, who’d been the model

for that best-selling 2000 mannequin—that was as deep as the bio

forest, flirt in Polynesia, drink a cappuccino in Bali, enjoy the show, dance

at the beach party, and love your day! One Day in Paradise Entangled

poured back then—and thus she was launched as a cover girl, if only a cat-

alog cover girl): so she owed it to Ari, every exciting thing that followed,

Paths in the Rainforest Where exotic plants are growing, huge palm trees, or-

chids, there are little bridges over mangrove swamps And on top of it, I have

making her connected to him without any prescribed hook up,

imposition or demand, perfect opposite of what the girls told her

a panoramic view of the entire island Suntan all Year Round Relaxing in

a deckchair under palm trees, feeling white sand below my feet, spending

Israelis were like on that January ’01 El Al flight from JFK—gracious

specimen of Samson hair, fast laugh and sad eyes—Ari had made her

the night on the beach…Vacation! Wellness in the Lagoon 31 C is the water

temperature in the lagoon A waterfall, bubbling whirlpools And the tropical

and she would make him in return, or take him as far as his pictures

of her would take him, out of that nasty Tel Aviv for good thank G-d

sea is as large as 4 Olympic-size swimming pools Behind it I can really spot

the horizon Fun and Action A street market with exotic flowers and souvenirs

(What you want on your pizza—shrapnel, ball bearings or plastique?)

to sashay around in Raffles Class slippers, warm waterfalls, infinity-

Fascinating music and dance groups in the tropical village The culture

and the cuisine of the world’s most beautiful tropic regions are tempting

edge pools of couples who’d made it, had it made: but now, he was one

man, hanging on she hoped, a skipping stone in a sea of heavy stones,

me An irresistible evening show and a cheerful beach party are putting

the top on a fantastic holiday Tropical Islands Resort is open all year round,

a life preserver, adorable bauble, lighter-than-air balloon for the ill

slagged drippy feeling in her intestines, the gooey splinter of sacrum,

day and night: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! With your “Tropical Islands

Pass,” an electronic chip card, you will enjoy your stay without handling

left greater trochanter shattered at the femur’s neck, coccyx cracked,

right top edge of illium and right bottom edge of ischium crushed,

any cash money You will pay the total only when departing from Tropical

Islands Resort, for food and beverage, for tropical plants, souvenirs, services

three lumbar vertebra bruised (by mini-fridge set rapidly afloat), talus

chipped, trapezius torn and external obliques shredded as if by cheese

and also for your ticket By Car: Tropical Islands is located next to motorway

A 13 (Berlin to Dresden) about 50 km South of Berlin Take exit “Staakow”

grater: a day at the beach, like any other, this one beginning with both

kinds of breakfast in bed, watching “White Christmas” on tape, singing

and follow the signs to Tropical Islands Please note: Most navigation systems

and route planners will show you a longer and more complicated way! By rail:

Irving Berlin in Thailand together—what a crazy couple to do that

Ari was saying before the woosh came, and wondering what kind of

The regional trains RE2 and RB14 both stop at Brand/Niederlausitz once

per hour, coming from Berlin By bus: there is a regular bus line running

Christmases did Berlin have since he knew name-changing Jew karma

was spotty: Irving’s first wife Dorothy died five months after marriage

from Berlin (ZOB next to Messe/Funkturm) Dining: You can have various meals

at different prices in the Tropical Village as well as the Magellan’s Ocean Bar

from typhoid picked up in Havana during their honeymoon; his second

wife, Ellin Mackay, heiress to the Comstock Lode mining fortune and

next to the South Sea Please do not bring your own food and drink Join our Work

shops: There are plenty of sports and cultural workshops for our guests

Catholic society shiksa supreme, was disinherited by her dad for marrying

a kike, a scandal at the time (the marriage, not the shortchanging) but they

on every single day—-from water aerobics to Samba dancing, from Thai massage

to Amazon face painting Some of them are even free of charge Car Park: Not only

plunged on, producing their first child, Irving Jr. on December 3, 1928,

and when Berlin tiptoed in on Christmas Day to check on his three-week-

is there plenty of guarded car parking space at Tropical Islands, it is free

of charge! Please try to remember where you left your car! Tropical Islands

old baby boy, he found him still, dead in his crib (crib death),

spurring one of Ellin’s sisters to whisper “It’s God’s punishment

operates several hotspots where you have access to the Internet with your laptop

or handheld computer—free of charge! The Tropical Islands dome has a ground

for marrying a Jew”—after which Ellin and Irving had three more

kids, all girls, all raised Protestant, for whom they never failed

surface of 66,000 square meters With a length of 360 meters, a width of 210 meters

and a height of 107 meters, it is large enough to hold 8 entire soccer fields Even

to put up a whopping tree and dole out presents, without

somehow ever telling them where their parents slipped off

the New York Statue of Liberty (93 meters) could stand upright in it, and the Paris

Eiffel Tower (322 meters) could lie in it The Dome offers enough space for the sky-

to every Christmas day while the young girls opened gifts—

to the cemetery, to put flowers on their infant sons grave:

line of Berlins Potsdamer Platz including the Sony Centre, the Gatehouse and the

Daimler Chrysler skyscraper Technical Data: 5,2 Mio m^3 Volume, 66.000 m^2 Basal

The sun is shining,

The grass is green,

Surface 148.000 t Total Weight 360 m Length 107 m Height 140 t Paint used

82 t Screws 111.000 m roof Cover Tropical Climate by Technical Means Steady

The orange and palm trees sway,

There’s never been such a day,

25 C air temperature, 31 C water temperature, no rain, and a pleasant 30% to 50%

humidity for our tropical plants originating from all parts of the tropical world

In Beverly Hills, L.A.,

But it’s December the twenty-fourth,

Everyone’s idea of perfect weather! All this is possible with a first class climate

and water control system The warm water supply below the beach next to the sea

And I’m longing to be up north—

I’m dreaming of…

warms up the air A computer controlled system guarantees different temperature

zones The impressive system of indirect lighting of the former CargoLifter dome was

…something other than the ones he “used to know”

because as soon as those three girls were grown and

originally designed for industrial needs Together with the new UV penetrable

membrane on the south side, it simulates tropical sunlight perfectly, everyday be-

gone the Berlins never again celebrated Christmas, and

because Israel Beilin was born beyond the Pale, where

tween 6am and 6pm The light and warmth let the plants grow well and also allow

the visitors to gain a healthy suntan The 7,000 cubic meter water of the tropical

Russian peasants, known for hard-drinking holidays, celebrated

yuletide with seasonal pogroms, giving Israel his first memory:

sea (28 C) and the lagoon (31 C) are filtered with the most modern ozone

filter systems, thus achieving drinking water quality in our pools Both

his family’s house burning to the ground—the treetops were

glistening alright—after which they got out of town, but

swimming pools are made from stainless steel, a guarantee for top hygienic

conditions Water depth is 1,35 meters in both pools Calendar of Events:

everybody’s got to start somewhere: Pitocin, pushing, Morning

in America the old cowboy song of the early ’80s on the front

January 31, 2005 Indoor Base Jump Aiming at a new world record of Group

Indoor Base Jumping: 18 jumpers will hop off the top of the Tropical Islands

range of the Rockies, not the worst place to find yourself

given the alternatives of Uppsala (dark all winter, dominated

dome (107 m high) and land on Paradise Beach Daily Programme: Viva Brazil

The Musical Journey every night on stage in the South Sea Music* Dance*

by Volvos and Abba, the grim ritual enforced relaxation of

vaunted saunas and ever present Finn and Turk nigger-class

Culture* Ethno groups coming from different tropical countries are performing

in the tropical village all day, representing their culture and tradition Borneo:

nannies, dishwashers, street sweepers, street people while the righteous Nanny

State fronts otherwise, trumpeting chest-out aid-per-capita claims and Nobel

10:30 am, 1 pm, 3:30pm (Except Mondays) India: 11 am, 1:30pm, 4 pm

(except Tuesdays); Thailand: 11:30 am, 2 pm, 4:30 pm (except Wednesdays)

Peace Prize fandango—Norwegian really—won by Henry K.

anyway so how much street cred does that buy, plus the minus

China: 12 pm, 2:30 pm, 5 pm (except Thursdays) Bali: 12:30 pm, 3:00 pm,

5:30 pm, (except Fridays) Big Band: Brasil, Samba, Axe, Folia: Every night

of groovy Palestinian-shawl party-wear politics, wearing out

Greek beaches, Goa rave affairs on topless vespas, the Social

dance at the sounds of our Big Band on the Wayang stage in the Tropical

Village Mondays to Fridays 21 to 01 h Saturdays, Sundays, Holidays 22 to

Democratic Swedish model, Alfred Nobel, Mister Dynamite)

or Al Hufuf (cloistered in compounds of western clotheshounds,

02 h Beach Party every Night in the South Sea every Thursday, Friday,

Saturday Party with DJ until 3 o’clock in the morning Sunday to Wednesday

a life of arctic aircon, stark abundance of sandy monoscape, walls

inside walls inside walls, dates, wheat, mosques, khat, regal stink

Chill Out Music In the Bali Lagoon every night Chill Out Music until 3 o’clock

in the morning Sports + Workshops: Yoga Basics Water Aerobics Sarawak

of Arabian horse breeding and Shimanya oil fields blowing off

gas, Riyadh two hundred clicks away in a white Mercedes saloon,

Kin Bits Pearl Crafts from Borneo Water Aerobics Amazon Face Paintings Henna

Mehendi Brasilian Dancing School Water Aerobics Bali Face Painting Capoeria

but for what?—a hop to Bahrain, Doha, Abu Dhabi, Dubai for duty-

free merchandise—the same excess paisleys, stock gin and old-lady

with the Brasilian Professionals Water Aerobics Afro-Brasilian Hairplait

Braiding Acrobatics / Juggling with our Acrobats from China Wellness:

perfume you see at Charles de Gaulle, Chek Lap Kok and Schipol):

no, considering the alternatives a place like Littleton, with its pickups

Foot Massage, Duration 10 Min. Fee: 10,- Neck and Shoulder, Duration 10 Min.

Fee: 10,- Both, Duration 20 Min. Fee: 200,- Thai Arm and Hand Massage,

and honest putdowns, its mac ‘n’ cheese cul-de-sacs, its faux-friendly

but at least not Abbacentric or burqa-brigaded Main Street, was a

Duration, 5 Min. Fee: 5,- Four Hands Massage, Duration 15 Min. Fee: 20,-

Space for all of Your Ideas Tropical Islands exceeds all limits of your

good place for a girl to grow up, for a time: as the Chronology

of Littleton History states, many positive things have happened

imagination—everything is feasible in this location! Whether you are planning

workshops in sunlit rooms in the middle of nature, conference in former airplane

there since the first prehistoric big-game hunters used the South Platte

River Valley for hunting and camping around 20,000 BC: by 7000 BC

hangars, or gala events in a tropical paradise, product presentations, meetings,

incentives, fashion shows: let us bring on stage a happening to be remembered

they were using Lamb Springs, two miles southwest of town; by 4000 BC,

the climate had changed to hot and dry (the Altithermal Period), pushing

PRESS INFO Background information The South Seas Just Outside of Berlin

Paradise is just a drive away Grey days, rainy weather, bad mood: This seems

prehistoric hunters off the plains, but by 2500 BC, a milder climate

returned and nomadic hunters and foragers resided and roamed free

to be about normal in central Europe Hardly surprising that people in Germany

are dreaming of a trip to a tropical archipelago in the south seas, where

apparently right up until the next data point, the 1720 Spanish military

expedition of Pedro De Villasur, which names the river the “Rio Jesus

temperatures are constantly high, where the climate is friendly and rain is simply

unknown But to make this dream come true is expensive—except if you go to

Maria”; in 1763, the French abandon claims to the drainage,

Spanish claims are reasserted, while Arapaho and Cheyenne

the region of Niederlausitz, just an hour’s drive from Berlin: There, in Brand,

Tropical Islands Resort (www.my-tropical-islands.com), open since December

tribes migrate south from the Dakotas and Minnesota;

come 1800, the Spanish land claim is dealt back to France,

19, 2004, takes its visitors on a unique and hitherto unknown cruise In the world’s

largest self-supporting hall, on a floor space of 66.000 square meters, a holiday

which holds it for three years until President Thomas Jefferson buys

the land from France in the transaction known as the “Louisiana

destination with an ever-pleasant climate and exotic attractions has been created

At a constant 25-28 Centigrade visitors dip into a tropical paradise surrounded

Purchase”; fur trappers and traders enter the region, occasionally

camping, circa 1810; circa 1815, trappers rendezvous near Bear

by tropical orchards and palm trees As the tropics do not know closing hours,

Europe’s biggest lifestyle resort opens 24 hours a day Every train stopping

Creek; in 1820, an expedition commanded by Major Stephen Long

explores the South Platte and passes by a site that would be town;

at Brand station is met by a free shuttle service to and from Tropical Islands Resort

PRESS INFO Destination; Smiles, Warmth, Recreation Originator of the project

in 1858, gold is discovered in the sands of Little Dry Creek and in

1859, the Pikes Peak gold rush begins, Denver City is founded and

has been Malaysia-based businessman Colin Au He surveyed the needs of his future

visitors closely and designed the offerings accordingly Not the least of his intentions

the Capital Hydraulic Company is organized to dig “the ditch” to supply

water to Denver; the next year, an engineer from Grafton, New Hampshire

has been to put a smile on people’s faces: “I noticed how cold and grey weather

in Germany can be But many people do not have enough time or money

named Richard Sullivan Little arrives in Colorado Territory, becoming

the chief engineer of the Capital Hydraulic Company and beginning

to go on extensive holiday trips abroad This is when I had the idea” Using

his experience of running Star Cruises, the leading cruise line in the Asia-

construction on an irrigation ditch drawing water from the South Platte

near present-day Littleton; come 1862, Little files for a homestead

Pacific region, Au (55) simply reversed the principle of cruising: Instead

of taking people to the tropics, he made the tropics come where they are needed

and makes other claims; come 1864, he establishes a school in his cabin,

the precursor of School District No. 6; come 1867, several neighbors

most An attentive staff of 500 makes sure visitors will have a great time at

Tropical Islands Resort Many of them come from tropical regions in Asia,

join with Little to build the Rough and Ready Flour Mill to process

the abundant grain being grown in the area—it is an immediate success,

Africa, South Pacific, South America and the Caribbean Wearing their national

dresses, their smile will have an effect on Europeans sick of winter and of having

selling flour as far away as Boston; 1869 brings the first U.S. Post

Office, with Richard Little as Postmaster; 1871 brings the tracks

a hard time Tropical Islands multiple offerings have something to give to

everybody Those who want to know more about the respective guest regions—

of the Denver and Rio Grande Railroad to Little’s farm and St. Paul’s

Episcopal Church is consecrated; the next year the Rough and Ready

every three months a new tropical region is being hosted—go to the flower, arts

and crafts market, and let themselves be taken away to the magic of exotic

Flour Mill burns down but is rebuilt quickly, while Little subdivides

his property; 1873 finds a new brick school house and a real railroad

places by artists and musicians Those who just want seek refuge from everyday’s

hardships might walk directly to the white sandy beach From one of the 850

depot; 1874 finds the Rough and Ready burned down again, rebuilt

this time with stone and brick; 1876, Colorado a state; 1879, the High-

deckchairs the view goes way up to the horizon, where a projection displays sun-

rise or sunset, reflected in the sea and giving a perfect impression What more to

line Canal; 1883, the First Presbyterian church; 1887, here comes the

Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe, and their own depot; 1888, the news-

dream of? Behind the beach rises the rainforest with its diversity of more than 500

species of plants Some of the trees go up to 14 meters, as high as a three-storey

paper; 1890, Littleton is incorporated as a town, the volunteer Hook

and Ladder is organized, the Methodist Church; 1900, population: 738;

building A waterfall gushes directly into the Balinese lagoon Moreover, high-

quality and diversified child-care is available PRESS INFO Background of

1901: St. Mary’s Catholic Church; 1903: electricity switched on; 1904:

Littleton defeats Englewood (1,310 votes to 829) in election to determine

Investment: Bad Weather in Germany Investors of the project are the companies

Au Leisure Pte Ltd. (Singapore) and Tajong PLC (Malaysia), a company listed

Arapahoe County Seat; 1907: electric trolley line, county courthouse; 1915:

Old Harwood Inn, longtime Littleton landmark which had been renamed

on the British stock exchange (www.tajong.com) They invest 70 million Euro

to create an authentic short-trip destination by converting the area of the former

Sunshine and Shadow Inn, destroyed by fire; 1917: Carnegie Foundation

funded library built at west end of Main Street, America enters “Great

CargoLifter-Airship hangar in Brand Public subsidies have not been granted

Colin Au, founder of Tropical Resorts, chemical engineer and MBA, before ran

War”; 1920: high school built on Grand, Town Hall built on Main; 1926:

buses replace street car line; 1929: boosters advertise Littleton as the

the leading cruise-line of the Asian-Pacific region When he came to Germany

to have four ocean-liners built, the region’s notoriously bad weather gave him

“Center of the State’s Poultry Industry”; 1930: Presbyterian Church completed;

1933: First National Bank fails; 1935: Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC)

the idea for Tropical Islands Most people cannot afford going to warmer regions

of the world, so why not create an authentic tropical landscape, right where it

establishes a supply center and the Works Progress Administration (WPA)

initiates numerous city improvement projects; 1938: U.S. Highway 85 is

is needed most? After visiting several locations in North America, Europe and

Asia, Colin Au 2003 learned through a Hamburg-based friend of the enormous

rerouted west of downtown; 1940: population put at 2,244; 1941: America

enters World War II; 1942: Heckethorn Manufacturing Company, making

CargoLifter airship hangar in Brand The area’s history is mainly military:

In the 1930s the German Wehrmacht used the site as a military airfield After

projectiles for the Navy, becomes Littleton’s largest employer; 1950:

Centennial Race Track opens; 1952: Brookridge Heights and Malo Farm

1945, Brand hosted the biggest military airport of the GDR Until 1992,

the area was used by the soviet army After that, now being held by Land

(Broadmoor) developments begin; 1955: Glenn L. Martin Company

announces plans to build a major defense plant southwest of Littleton;

Brandenburg, it had to cleaned up of past pollution, e.g. kerosene tanks and

ammunition Au knew instantly he had found the perfect site for his Tropical

1959: South Suburban Parks and Recreation District created, Rough

and Ready Flour Mill destroyed by fire for last time; 1960: professional

Islands project, and bought the area in the summer of 2002 from the insolvent

CargoLifter AG For converting the former airship construction hall and realizing

fire department replaces volunteers; street names and numbers changed

to conform with Denver metro area; population swells to 13,670; 1965:

his dream of the tropics of the Northern hemisphere, Au and his business partners

will have invested about 70 million Euro when the Tropical Islands Resort opens

voters approve college district, the great South Platte River flood triggers

renewed interest in long-debated Chatfield Dam; 1970: Littleton Historical

on December 18, 2004 With its enormous dimensions of 360 meters length,

210 meters width and 107 meters height the hall in itself is already an exceptional

Museum opens, population reaches 26,466; 1972: Chatfield Dam Reservoir

begins collecting water; 1975: after a major beautification program and

sight, with a capacity of up to 7.000 visitors at a time The offerings have been

designed by help of extensive market studies and focus on a wide range of target

adoption of a controversial sign code, Littleton named as one of “Americas

fifteen best suburbs” by Ladies Home Journal; 1976: Atchison, Topeka and

groups: families on a short trip to the tropics, party people spending the night

dancing at the beach party and sleeping on the beach; people interested in culture,

Santa Fe railroad depot restored to become Depot Art Center; 1980: population

now 28,631; 1984: Centennial Race Track closes to make way for one of many

nature and environmental issues looking for information on tropical nature

and cultures; gourmets curious for exotic specialities….A moderate pricing

new major developments; 1990: Littleton marks centennial; 1997: ground

is broken for construction of Southwest Corridor Light Rail Line which

makes sure that also in economically tough times high utilization numbers

are guaranteed Also people will come back not only because of moderate

will link Littleton with Denver; 1999; the city government Web site, www.

littletongov.org is launched; 2000: RTD opens the new Southwest Corridor

prices: Tropical Islands Resort www.my-tropical-islands.com changes its show

and cultural program every three months thus making regular visits a tempting

Light Rail Line, Littleton World War II Memorial is dedicated on Veterans

Day; 2001: population reaches 43,580; 2002: the Olympic Torch is carried

option A population of five million lives within reach of an hour’s drive, 16

million drive less than three hours, including two million in Poland PRESS

through Littleton on its way to the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, Utah;

2003: a “100-year-blizzard” dumps over three feet of snow in March and

INFO Exotics on German soil: International experts create a rainforest

just outside Berlin Admittedly, the German Niederlausitz region is not a tropical

construction begins on the new Littleton Historical Museum building; 2004: new

Littleton Fire Rescue station #12 is dedicated, construction begins on the new

destination To establish an authentic rainforest in the Northern latitudes, a team

of internationally renowned botanics and landscape architects was needed Besides

recreation center—all things considered, a-going and a-coming, a rich spate

of progress luring her mom up from Manitou Springs (circa ’88), perfect kinder-

housing the lagoon and the south seas, Tropical Islands Resort consists of 80%

green space Most of the 500 different species of plants come from the Asian-

garten beckoning bright primaries, sweet-smelling woodchip

padding beneath its plastic playground castles and nonhick

Pacific regions An extensive study of the specific needs of the various plants

as to substratum, temperature and lighting conditions was necessary in order

teachers for afterschool partying, fugue variations on the normal

mother/daughter household, Two Strong Women or TSW for short

to combine the floras of the various tropical regions on earth For Tropical Islands

a soil of its own has been blended, consisting of sand of the region (ca. 70%) and

her mom’s secret code whenever someone cast aspersions—

could be a doctor eyebrow-raising over a form or a school

of organic waste, clay and bark (ca. 30%) Additional tropical fungi nurture the

symbiosis of plants, and soil Thus, there was almost no need for peat, chemical

counselor asking about life on the home front—Ann would look

at her, roll those baby blues, and silently mouth the conspiring

fertilizer and other ecologically harmful substances The plants are watered fully

automatically in order to ensure high efficiency of water consumption Thus water is

consonants, her way of saying “I don’t need a hubby and you don’t need

a daddy and the two of us are just fine!” which may even have been true…

being dealt with in a highly responsible manner The south seas consist of drinking

water; fresh water is being inducted permanently Used water is cleaned by a filter

until the money started to peter out—Zakia sent increasingly occasional

checks from untraceable P.O. boxes in Cyprus and Dubai as a declining

system underneath the rainforest and used for watering the rainforest Air humidity

inside the Dome is at 50–60%; temperatures in the hall vary from 25 to 28 Centigrade

guilt-depletion allowance—and what had started as an Easter Bunny

gusher became more and more a dry hole: until then, Ann had wind-

Supervising landscape architect was Haruyoshi Ono As partner of Roberto Burle

Marx (1909–94), who designed Rio’s de Jaineiro’s Copacabana, he took over the business

chimed and watercolored and macraméd and stained-glassed and turbo-

crafted her way through the ’80s and even some of the ’90s, making enough

after Marx had died For Tropical Islands, Ono managed the research for plants

and trees meeting the demands of an environment created by mankind Super-

sales to friends and at Sunday fairs to cover materials, but these freelance

fancies, aided and abetted by steady use of any number of illicit substances

vising expert for Tropical Islands’ exotic FlowerWorld was Singapore-based

Michael The Since 1981 Teh has been Managing Director of Nature Landscapes

on a weekly when not daily basis, were hardly a living, more like a way to

expand and contract time while Zak’s loot eroded through natural forces—

Ote Ltd. and in 1991 was co-founder of Pacific Nature Landscapes Pte. Ltd. He

made his mark with various landscape projects in his own country, e.g. the surrounding

galloping, as they say, inflation; poor investments in Wyoming

oil & gas deals; real estate tax shelters deconstructed by the Tax

of the First Class hotels Raffles and Four Seasons, or the grounds around Changi

International Airport The Balinese Lagoon was created by the Australian Michael

Simplification Act of 1986 (all sold by friends of friends): leaving her mom

by the end of the stash repeating the joke, “How do you make a small fortune?…

R. White 1973, while studying architecture, he went to Bali and made the island

his new home Since then he has designed more than 600 parks and gardens

start with a large fortune,” bitterly, and by the time she was ten,

her mom was out hunting for her first real job and a man to boot:

all over the world His company, P.T. Wijaya Tribwana International has more

than 500 employees In realising the project philosophy of creating green spaces

for a gorgeous thing like Ann, even with thirty-five years of mileage

on her chassis and a kid trailer-hitched, drugs were free and pickings

as authentic and natural as possible, Tropical Islands Resort has been supported

by a team of advisors of the “Green Warriors” They are part of “Rainforest Rescue

never slim—it was her kind of pickings, though, the kind that stud

psych textbook case studies with tsk-tsk stares (The Odds Are Good

International Sri Lanka” engaged in the protection of the rainforest One member,

Robin Lock, was advisor to the Eden Project in Cornwall/England Other members

But The Goods Are Odd), that led inevitably to Sam Seaman: Sam started

as her mom’s accountant, a friendly guitar-playing geek who would get her

are Ajantah Palihawadana, one of the most influential ecologists of Sri Lanka,

and Chairman Dr. Rani Senanayake of Ecuador, renowned specialist for the

from Point A to Point B, get her out from under certain bad

decisions, reverse irreversible wrongs, make the world dance

ecology of the global system These specialists not only assist in creating

a tropical experience of adequate ecology—they are constantly working

in a spreadsheet—her mom’s girlfriends were approving, even

her ex-Naropa Buddhist friend who called Sam “The Jew in the

to apply environmentally acceptable systems of plant care while strictly observing

German laws and regulations At first a certain absurd, irresistible hilarity

Lotus 1-2-3” for his finicky fancy British car and green glowing rows

of numbers poised to lift the family from its Zakia hangover, though

overcomes you The most ordinary words, the simplest ideas assume a new

and bizarre aspect This mirth is intolerable; but it is useless to resist The demon

he wasn’t of that religious persuasion: Sam found Ann a job

as a hostess at Pistachio’s, a disco/lounge/restaurant in the old

has invaded you… It sometimes happens that people completely unsuited for word-

play will improvise an endless string of puns and wholly improbable idea relation-

Carnegie Library which he happened to do the books for (after the

library moved out, it was the police station and jail before becoming

ships fit to outdo the ablest masters of this preposterous craft But after a few minutes

the relation between ideas becomes so vague, and the thread of your thoughts grows

a disco, and later it would become Cafe Kandahar, a Eurocuisine

place with an Alpine ski motif, then Alpine Cafe for casual family

so tenuous, that only your cohorts…can understand you Next your senses become

extraordinarily keen and acute Your sight is infinite Your ear can discern the slightest

dining and then for a spell was a beer garden called The Old Library,

then Scribbles (owned by two Broncos) and then it became The Melting

perceptible sound, even through the shrillest of noises The slightest ambiguities,

the most inexplicable transitions of ideas take place In sounds there is color;

Pot, a fondue place) and though Ann’s hours as disco/lounge hostess

lacked the early-to-bed early-to-rise regularity expected of a single mom

in colors there is music… This fantasy goes on for an eternity A lucid interval,

and a great expenditure of effort, permit you to look at the clock The eternity turns

with a ten-year-old daughter, the tips were through the roof, off

the books, and Sam was trying to undo her single-mom status

out to have been only a minute The third phase…is something beyond description

It is what the Orientals call kef; it is complete happiness There is nothing whirling

too, but he came with baggage: a seventeen-year-old son from a previous

conviction (this one a proper marriage-and-divorce), Quentin, possessor

or tumultuous about it It is a calm and placid beatitude Every philosophical problem

is resolved Every difficult question that presents a point of contention for theologians

of wispy starter mustache, cocker spaniel mullet, puppy’s face, and red

Trans Am: she called Sam “sorta-stepdad” and Quentin “sorta-stepbro”

and brings despair to thoughtful men, becomes clear and transparent Every

contradiction is reconciled Man has surpassed the gods The Sputnik Drug

because there was nothing official about the arrangement—Ann rebuffed

Sam Seaman’s most vigorous attempts to institutionalize their pair bond,

Information Zone Excerpts from Artificial Paradises by Charles Baudelaire

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arguing that the marriage tax penalty would prove only his unaccountably

cockeyed cupidity, and Quentin never lived with them, though often hung

Life is a creation—not a discovery i wish you to add comments on my creation

and allow me to look at your creation as well, so i too can create the grandest

around more when his dad wasn’t there: taking advantage, taking

liberties with her, when she was twelve, thirteen, watching her

version of the greatest vision that i wish to be See the World in a Grain of Sand,

And Heaven in a flower; Behold infinity in the palm of your hand, And Eternity

in the shower through the door crack, then things not so innocent, things

that made her curious at first, then confused, then cry Keane Eyes tears

in an Hour >>My homepage (21/01/05) >>A nudist lifestyle (14/01/05) >>

interesting articles/health (13/01/05) >>lessons my father and others have taught

at night when her mom was at Pistachio’s and Quentin made her

promise not to tell anyone, because if she did, man things would go

me (09/01/05) >>spiritual (17/01/05) create my life >> more about me

Sunday, 23 January 2005 unsettling episode I just had the experience

downhill fast—so she kept those memories in a little box under her

bed, locked by a tiny gold heart-shaped padlock and its pink-ribboned

of someone who is set in his ways He is the driver of the car taking us

on the distribution route to give the weekly food parcels by the foodchain

key, and said nothing for the longest longest time, since he’d given her

a carrot (“Be a good sport, be a good sport—you’re a good sport”) before

charity He had been doing it his way The curious thing is we had partnered

once before, and he was ok with the way I did it, then Unfortunately, I haven’t

displaying his stick (“It’s not like you are all passive, it’s not like you

didn’t do anything”): the box closed tight, hinges squeaky in the rain:

been with him for some time, and he had forgotten, and got into a groove with other

navigators He does not like change, that was very obvious when I got to know

but those years were decent too: rapid-fire automatic spray of straight-A

heroics a salve for every wound, extensive glowing cursive comments

him, so he got upset when I changed the order in which the food was distributed

“I don’t know why everyone else, I have no trouble, with you I am getting all this

on her book reports, her neatly bound Pocahontas paper winning a district-

wide award, her plexiglass; “Tornado Box” project placing second in the state

trouble” he said I reminded him we have done it this way before, and he was

adamant he never did I kept quiet, just saying “it’s ok, I know what I am doing”

science competition and winning special mention for “Elegance

of Design”—the silver ribbon and commendation mirror-material

think it will be wise not to team up with him again A pity He likes this Belgravia

route which ends close to my flat Sometimes it is possible for me to leave

in her white shag-carpeted bedroom as she made her way to Isaac Newton

Middle School, where her nickname instantly became Überdork, coined

at the end of our delivery and not accompany the driver to get back to the centre

on his own, if he knows the route I thought being with John, that it would be great

by Fritzi, a German girl just moved to town, volleyball teammate and new best

friend, until Fritzi moved away two years later as fast as she came: at that age

to partner with him; because the last time, he says he knows the route back Now

this has happened and the guy got upset, saying “its best if we dont team up again”

the setters haven’t been so clearly distinguished from the spikers

and the diggers and passers not so demarcated from the setters

I hope I never get to the stage he is in, inflexible, afraid of change, not letting go

(as navigation is not his concern) Let others do their job So I left him to get back

(though every person on the planet is at root either a setter, a spiker,

or a digger/passer) but Überdork, tallest in her grade, combining Misty

on his own I have no intentions of staying in that car listening to him mourn

all the way back I have already made a note of our disagreement in the notes

May’s springy calves, Logan Tom’s lateral quickness, and Kerri Walsh’s

spidery length in Coach Grote’s drooling fantasy—looked like the spiker

just so the coordinator will get to hear both sides I will be off next month to kl,

so don’t need to deal with it till I get back, and then I think for all concerned

supreme, even though digging was her dirtiest passion, a lovely backspinning

set its own just reward, and a chaos-into-order backline pass a firmly compelling

better not to go with John again Haha Now I understand why the coordinator

earlier on asked me to take another look at the schedule I had asked for the Belgravia

satisfaction: she took the team three straight years to league finals, winning

twice, and brought Mr. Feltzin and Mr. Lebowitz and Principal Bandtel

route, and John has put his name down for it after I have done so I thought he

wanted to go with me How wrong I was He did not want to go with me, but

into the stands consistently for the first time since Isaac Newton was built

(there were questions about the shortness and tightness of the girls’ shorts

he wanted the route, and hoped the coordinator will get me out of it, so he dont

have to team with me Now I realise why he did not look overjoyed, when I said

contributing to such spikes in attendance) because she was their star

student too—they owned the dorky part of the über—and the pride

to him we are teaming up today Normally he has a very dour face anyway

Someone who does not seem to be enjoying his life, and not someone I would

was contagious, even occasionally on the part of her mom, who normally

railed against the “absurd” and “harmful” focus on winning, “bad values”

seek out; that is why it did not alert me that he was genuinely unhappy about

teaming with me Pity this has to happen to sour things up, though it is inevitable

she said, “the stupidest thing” about America she said, only thing that made

her want to head back to Stockholm: her daughter didn’t care: she wanted

I am glad though, as it clears the air, or I might continue to ask to team up with him,

being tolerant of his dourness, and unsocial behavior, not realising he does not want

to win and win and win some more, on higher levels, by more decisive margins;

she liked to dishearten her opponents, make the killer kill that twists the knife,

to At least we can avoid each other Haha Funny how some people u get rapport

with and others u dont John is definitely not someone I would like Personality

bleeds them dry, sucks all the fight out of their bones and makes ’em

quit: she felt the same way about H-O-R-S-E, rope climbing, multiple-

conflicts are a frequent occurrance I am sure in this kind of volunteer work I do

admire anyone doing the coordinating, and having to deal with it I was asked,

choice exams, mountain biking time trials and Halloween costumes: win,

win, win, baby, win or go home, she’d say, and when she lost, there’d be

in the early days when I joined, to be a coordinator I was reluctant, without knowing

why I just didn’t feel drawn to it; and I listened to my feelings and declined Now

tears, in shapes and sizes to swamp any flower-scented tissue pack—but

they’d never last long, because there was always tomorrow: or maybe

I know why and I am glad I did not go down that route John is not a volunteer

He is paid to do it working everyday When I first met him, I had a clear impression

not: you believe it pretty much your whole life, whether you’re Annie

or Joe Blow, the sun will come out and so forth however bleak the house

that the job may be taking its toll of him, now I am sure of it Sure would not like

to be there when he cracks up I: Agensys Amnis Amphora Discovery ARYx

you live in, but now, maybe not: a few tentative sirens singing

inland, from way off the beach, then strange quiet, her mouth

Therapeutics Avalon Bioenvision Biosynexus Cellegy Cengent ChemoCentryx

Corus Cryocor Depomed DOV Given Imaging LifeCell LumiCyte Macro-

sticky with salt and dried blood and a buzzing tooth she couldn’t stop

wobbling back and forth with her tongue even though it sent a shiver

Genics Molecular Staging NeoGenesis Drug Discovery Orthovita Predix

Holdings Protometrix Senomyx Structural GenomiX Vernalis XenoPort

into her jaw—that pain cancelled out some of the lower bigger throb,

told her she was still alive and not yet in what Cross Girls called Hell—

II: Avanir Auxilium Biocryst Emphasys Eximas Pennisula Rejuvenon Sal-

medix 99. Vivica A. Fox 98. Kate Bosworth 97. Liv Tyler 96. Kristanna

her back and shoulders beginning to itch in the late morning broil

of Andaman Sea sun, as it arced over the fronds which earlier were

Loken 95. Sophie Marceau 94. Melania Knauss 93. Paris Hilton 92. Jennie

Finch 91. Gabrielle Union 90. Alicia Keys 89. Fergie 88. Marisa Miller 87.

giving shade: to get it back, she had to scootch higher in the tree

but could barely move for fear of falling into the sandy froth

Nikki Cox 86. Sienna Miller 85. Thandie Newton 84. Scarlett Johansson 83.

Cameron Diaz 82. Christina Aguilera 81. Pamela Anderson 80. Lucy Lui 79.

of water swishing beneath her, that and lightning accelerations

of pain zigzagging into her middle whenever she even shifted

Jolene Blalock 78. Jessica Alba 77. Rachel Bilson 76. Paz Vega 75. Demi Moore

74. Britney Spears 73. Katie Price 72. Eva Longoria 71. Michelle Pfeiffer 70. Uma

her weight, as she kept the palm in a bear hug, or momentarily

let her arms dangle like a treed sleeping lion’s: her cheek pressed

Thurman 69. Holly Valance 68. Nicole Kidman 67. Aishwarya Rai 66. Angie Ever-

heart 65. Brande Roderick 64. Heather Graham 63. Eliza Dushku 62. Rachel

to bark, she realized for the first time she was naked—the sun haranguing

her back into a blister, her freckled shoulders pinpricking in beamed heat—

Stevens 61. Jennifer Lopez 60. Sofia Vergara 59. Naomi Watts 58. Penelope Cruz

57. Ashley Judd 56. Micha Barton 55. Brooke Burns 54. Faith Hill 53. Maria

her Jeanne Yu silk chiffon boy briefs and Camper flip-flops and Hustler wife-

beater tank top, all she’d been wearing for the easy bungalow breakfast, ripped

Menounos 52. Anna Kournikova 51. Rachel Weisz 50. Bridget Moynahan 49.

Fernanda Tavares 48. Kylie Minogue 47. Rosario Dawson 46. Denise Richards

off by the wave, her crashing submerge, grab and swim amid garbage and

pure sucking force—she remembered now her best girl Bojana Panic giving

45. Diane Lane 44. Charisma Carpenter 43. Jennifer Love Hewitt 42. Leaann

Tweeden 41. Kelly Brook 40. Mandy Moore 39. Molly Sims 38. Vanessa Marcil

her that shirt from the Hustler store on Sunset as a wicked loving

joke to celebrate her engagement to Ari, saying “It’s the only thing

37. Shannon Elizabeth 36. Ali Landry 35. Laetitia Casta Mozilla Firefox has en-

countered a problem and needs to close… 34. Tyra Banks 33. Catherine Bell 32.

for the model wife,” the mag’s logo scripted across its chest in a lipstick

scrawl matching the shade of MAC’s Pink Poodle they both thought—

Alyssa Milano 31. Jennifer Connelly 30. Elisha Cuthbert 29. Krista Allen 28. Jennifer

Garner 27. Lindsey Lohan 26. Gisele Bunchen 25. Natalie Portman 24. Shania

and then the thought of the wifebeater made her realize she still had

on her engagement ring: it was too tight to begin with (they’d giddily

Twain 23. Kelly Hu 22. Kate Beckinsale 21. Veronika Varekova 20. Roselyn

Sanchez 19. Salma Hayek 18. Kristin Kreuk 17. Keira Knightley 16. Petra Nem-

made the standard jokes) but she hadn’t wanted to leave it behind

for re-sizing during their Xmas break, hadn’t wanted to take it off

kova 15. Jennifer Aniston 14. Catherine Zeta-Jones 13. Rebecca Romijn 12. Jessica

Simpson 11. Jessica Biel 10. Halle Berry Previous List:2 AskMen Desirability Score:

for a moment, so wore it way too snug: the misfitting saved it

in the salt-swallowing thrash but now her swollen pinched finger

7.86 Reader Desirability Score: 8.28 Desirability Total Score: 8.07 Why She Is

Desirable: Halle’s onscreen appearances haven’t left much to the imagination: we’ve

throbbed inside the platinum surround—she scanned again for Ari—

not seeing him, not hearing him, he must have swam for a boat, or

seen her in skintight leather, a catsuit and even topless Yet she still maintains an allure

usually restricted to the mysterious, and each time we see her scantily clad it’s like

the other side of the bay, such a strong swimmer, a kickass

smallwave surfer and not afraid of coral cuts or Maytagging,

the first time The image of her emerging from the sea (dripping, we might add) in

Die Another Day is forever fused in our brains 9. Angelina Jolie Previous List: 23

he always said since the Israeli Army didn’t kill him, nothing would,

not even Naomi on a bad day or Gisele on the rag! (she remembered

AskMen Desirability score: 8.09 Reader Desirability Score: 8.13 Desirability Total

Score: 8.11 Why She Is Desirable: Of all the beautiful bodies in Hollywood, hers was

now that when people found out she was born on the same day as

Naomi, a dozen years later, they took it as a sign—Ari said it was

deemed the most resembling that of masturbatory video game icon Laura Croft

Her proportions and facial features are flawless, and there’s nothing we can say

to even-up that day’s karma)—the scrunchy, the purple scrunchy too

she was wearing, not just the ring: if she could get it off, her hair

about her lips that hasn’t been said a dozen times already Some people were put off

by sex stories that emerged out of her recent marriage, but we can appreciate a woman

would drape her shoulders, the top of her back, cover her neck

in a blessing of shade, so she extended her left arm, bending

with a kinky side 8. Beyonce Knowles Previous List: 10 AskMen Desirability Score:

8.38 Reader Desirability Score: 7.88 Desirability Total Score: 8.13 Why She Is

a badly bruised elbow (strafing her ribs) and, unfingering

the challah knot below the scrunchy, managed to pull

Desirable: Aren’t we humans lucky to live in a world filled with such an abundance

of beautiful specimens that Beyonce only makes No. 8 in our rankings? She’s a pheno-

her ponytail free, after which she returned to a chronic meditation

on all the things she’d done with Ari, reserving a special mandala

menal creature, with a heart-stopping face, impossible curves, and the confidence

and savvy to flaunt them 7. Elsa Benitez Previous List: 11 AskMen Desirability

for her first retail glamour calendar: sixteen months and every shot

B+ or better, not so much because of the stylist (avant-garde, edgy),

Score: 8.85 Reader Desirability Score: 7.43 Desirability Total Score: 8.14 Why

She Is Desirable: At 5’10”, Elsa literally stands out in her industry But shave

the Palau scenery (well-scouted, over-the-top) or the extra-heavy

glossy stock she’d fought for and won, but because of how she

a few inches off and she’d still separate herself from the crowd with her stunning

combination of high cheekbones, piercing eyes and ultra-long legs Tone those looks

felt when he was the one behind the lens, capturing her: from jump

street she’d been taught if you don’t feel it inside, it won’t come out,

down, and she’d still be remarkable by virtue of that Dolce & Gabanna campaign

she did with a lesbian twist Unfortunately, Elsa isn’t a lesbian (wait, is that un-

that was the word backstage from the ex-preteen pageant queen

who told the scared girls how to present themselves in the Boulder

fortunate?) She’s happily married (that’s definitely unfortunate) 6. Brooke Burke

Previous List: 6 AskMen Desirability Score: 8.27 Reader Desirability Score: 8.07

Preteen finals in ’94, and her mother always said, “You’ll be ugly

on the outside if you’re ugly on the inside,” an alchemical change

Desirability Total Score: 8.17 Why Is She Desirable: As the “beautiful body” in the Bally

Total Fitness commercials, Brook’s physique was famous well before her face or name

morphs your face into how you feel inside, the gist—as Laetitia wrote

in her seminal millennial tome, “People think it’s only about beauty, but

ever were And that speaks volumes to us 5. Heidi Klum Previous List: 3 AskMen

Desirability Score: 8.45 Reader Desirability Score: 7.97 Desirability Total Score:

it’s more than that, it comes from the inside too”: a point of view

crucial to adopt, so the self, reflected, refracted, can’t be summed

8.21 Why She Is Desirable: When a woman’s personality is the first thing to spring

to mind, that’s usually a bad sign When that woman is a swimsuit model and her

by skin and skin alone, or else: black crevasse of narcissistic

depths, where no calling voice echoes in chafed unfathomable

personality is one of her best assets, that’s just one hell of a personality Heidi’s looks

have always held her above her competitors; her beauty has a fresh elegance to it,

canyons, layer upon layer of the planet’s coldest bluest

snow compressing, compacting, squeezing shear-walled

and she distinguished herself in the era of waifs by busting curves that crippled many

a man 4. Josie Maran Previous List: — AskMen Desirability Score: 8.80 Reader

souls with the icy price of gravity’s labored push: speedy abyss

of mirrored cracking surfaces, where no pitons grab purchase

Desirability Score: 7.67 Desirability Total Score: 8.24 Why She Is Desirable:

Considering that Josie is still a relative unknown, it’s pretty impressive she comes

and no ladders hold—she was happy to consider placing high

in Miss Preteen Colorado validation of the sunny-sloped beauty

in at No. 4 In a word, she’s sensational: a unique blend of innocence and forceful sex-

uality, that naiveté that modeling agents cross the globe in search of Plus she’s been

of her interior and not just the Humbert Humbert horniness

of the overweight community leaders judging the contest,

known to roll with notorious socialite Nicole Richie and dated street magician David

Blaine, so we know that Josie lets her hair down every now and then 3. Charlize

although the Teen Colorado pageant, some years hence, caused her

to miss two crucial volleyball games, creating a fissure with Coach

Theron Previous List: 1 AskMen Desirability Score: 8.45 Reader Desirability Score:

8.32 Desirability Total Score: 8.39 Why She Is Desirable: She lost her crown because

Maddox and teammates, exacerbated by a poor sectional seeding

(due to losses in her absence) and climaxed by a true asswhipping

we heated up to another lady a bit more—not because we’ve cooled off on Charlize

She’s looking as good as ever; in fact, we’ve come to appreciate her beauty more

in the state tourney by archrival Arapahoe—no, going for Miss

Teen wasn’t worth it, not for a moment, and if she’d had it to do

after being deprived of it by the makeup artists for her role in Monster 2. Monica

Bellucci Previous List: 5 AskMen Desirability Score: 7.98 Reader Desirability Score:

over, she’d melt down her “Most Athletic” Miss Teen consolation

trophy for another shot at the state tide: indeed, that’s when things

7.98 Desirability Total Score: 8.40 Why She Is Desirable: Because she has spent

most of her acting career in Europe, we have only really known of Monica for two years

started sliding south at school, in tiny fractions, jealous teammates,

missed practices, the Miss Teen private corporate sponsor sending

now Yet in every list we’ve compiled in that time, she’s made the Top 5 This fact is

no fluke—although the combination of genes that created her must be 1. Adriana

her to L.A. in August for a month of modeling, missing the summer

touring team—Coach Townsend said she was so good she could afford

Lima Previous List: 75 AskMen Desirability Score: 8.99 Reader Desirability Score: 7.

82 Desirability Total Score: 8.41 Why She Is Desirable: It’s no secret that Victoria’s

to but her teammates turned her into a dagger doll—not to mention her

publicized bit of prize money for “Most Athletic” (despite her crummy

Secret models are desirable Or that Brazilian women are usually desirable, as often

women of mixed ethnicities are Adrianna is all of the above (she is of French, Portuguese

finish overall), her modeling back-to-school fashions for the big

Denver department store, her soul mate Fritzi long gone (not there

Native-American, Japanese and Caribbean descent), and that makes her the most

desirable among our readers Taken in isolation, nearly any one of her single features

to defend her): some girls turned Überdork into Übersomethingnotsonice,

and then there was L.A.: those girls were putting everything under the sun

would suffice to constitute beauty—whether the brooding, feline eyes, full lips, dancer’s

legs, or broad shoulders Assembled together, it’s the closest thing to physical perfection

into their bodies (Kools, bong smoke, acid, E, mushrooms, dicks,

beer, tequila, champagne, coke, dildos) and she was freaked out:

we’ve witnessed in quite a while And the fact that she’s down to earth and shy only

makes her that much more attractive AskMen.com Unveils Top 99 Most Desirable

it wasn’t so hard to avoid it all at school, and she’d studiously

done so, taking three puffs of one cigarette on one Halloween

Women of 2005 The goal of AskMen.com’s Top 99 is to select the female celebrities

that men feel are long-term relationship material, rather than voting according to

the grand total of her debauchery, her rebellion: telling her mom

to stick her joint up her ass every time (weekly) Ann offered saying

a celebrity’s popularity, fame or beauty Readers were asked to vote according to who

they would most want a relationship with, would consider marrying, or considered

“You’ll probably be a lot less lonely and your old mom will seem

a lot nicer if you’d smoke with me every once in a blue moon,” but

best suited to be the mother of their children “While all the women on the list are

extremely attractive, men respond every year to the fact that this list is not just about

the L.A. scene went past gross into scary: she wrote reams in her journal,

avoided the other girls except when she couldn’t (on jobs, riding to and from

looks, but desirability In other words, women they would want to date or introduce

to mom” It wears her out, it wears her out It wears her out, it wears her out

jobs) who, when they weren’t putting everything under the sun

into their bodies, were registering disapproval and nonstop shock

She lives with a broken man A cracked polystyrene man Who just crumbles

and burns He used to do surgery On girls in the eighties But gravity always

that she was a virgin (and not just technically she told them),

a straight-y, and not so very much fun—she was “hilarious”

wins And it wears him out, it wears him out It wears him out, it wears him

out Aspiring Falcon Austere Challenge Balance Kayak Beady Eye Busy

their sarcastic party line—and she spent those four weeks working

out maniacally: running laps around the primordial ooze of the Tar

Lobster Centurion Crusader Continue Hope Decisive Guardian Destined Glory

Devil’s Hat Earnest Will Elaborate Maze Eloquent Banquet Giant Voice Gothic

Pits near her Miracle Mile apartment, riding the bus all the way

down Wilshire to the beach, tearing across the caged bridge

Serpent Grisly Hunter Magic Roundabout Noble Obelisk Poker Bluff Prominent

Hammer Quick Draw Sacred Company Sunny Hope Ultimate Resolve Urgent

over Highway One, running the wet surf line for calf strength and

Venice Boardwalk for fashion tips, playing pickup beach volleyball

Fury Urgent Victory The Joint Doctrine, Education and Training Electronic Infor-

mation System (JDEIS) Web Portal is being developed for the Chairman of the Joint

against all comers (her sweat-stained blue Rebels jersey a point of pride

and solitary defense against homesickness) until the polluted sun melted

Chiefs of Staff (CJCS) by Joint Staff J-7 (Operational Plans & Joint Force Development)

This is the JDEIS Initial Operational Capability (Beta Version) When fully operational

into the Pacific up by Malibu and she bussed “home” up Venice

for another 5 A.M. call: about the only time she felt right when

JDEIS replaces the Joint Electronic Library (JEL) Joint doctrine, education and

training information on JDEIS is authoritative JDEIS News: The Joint Knowledge

not exercising was when she was actually on the paper, being hot, fan

blowing, getting her picture made by some stubbly dude with a pony-

Development and Distribution Capability (IDC) is now available, hosted on JDEIS

servers, for user learning, evaluation and feedback Visit this new site and take joint

tail in a white linen suit: her heart leapt when she saw the pillowy fabric

mountain of Denver’s airport out her window: she expected junior year

individual learning courses (available now: Joint Antiterrorism, Senior NCO JPME,

the entire set of DOCNET modules, and JTF-101) Help us debug technical errors

to make things right—being a (straight-A) student again, not wearing

make-up, helping the Rebels get to state finals, watching her modeling

Bug Report Hot Links: Tsunami Relief Ops Info (PACOM) Homeland Security Urban

Ops Case Studies Urban Ops Handbook Afghanistan Fact Book Afghanistan News Iraq

checks roll in to help support her mom and her (TSW once

again), getting back in good with the girls, and learning golf

Fact Book Middle East Media Korea Fact Book Korea Study Civil-Mil. Relations Center

Haiti Fact Book Joint Doctrine: —Draft Pubs —Allied Joint Pub Staffing Guide —Joint

from Sam Seaman, who was living at the house off and on

and promising to teach her (she loved, loved, loved creaming

Doctrine Hierarchy A major aspect of any operation is weather—something people

can’t control but must know how to work with, exploit or avoid to successfully execute

the ball, one hundred swings a time, at the night driving range,

with his three-wood): it went about that way until April 20th,

the mission as proven over time “Weather can be decisive in battle” said Staff Sgt. Scott

Youtz, 10th Combat Weather Squadron special operations weatherman, “You don’t think

1999, when Eric and Dylan came to school with duffels

stuffed, backpacks full and trench coats on: hiding under

about how important weather is until it inhibits you” Special Ops weathermen, in short,

deploy into the field with their Special Operations Forces counterparts to provide

a table in the library, she cowered next to Lauren Townsend,

a senior, captain of girls’ varsity volleyball, as consumed by

commanders with essential elements of weather Phase III consists of static line, military

free fall and water parachuting, alternate insertion and extraction techniques, and heli-

the game as she was but still class valedictorian and aiming

to be a wildlife biologist—her on-court teacher of Lips, Kongs,

copter rappelling and fast roping Other training in the phase are combat diving, land

navigation techniques, tactical vehicle and small boat operations This is accomplished

Facials, Heaters, Roofs, a killer baller, no Bambi she, daughter

of the coach and off-court big sister—listening as they shouted

in about eight weeks In the Middle East, there are many weather factors to contend

with ranging from blistering hot to frigidly cold temperatures, depending on location,

“All jocks stand up! We’ll get the guys in white hats!”—white hats

the sign of being a jock, then she saw Eric take off his trench coat

season and wind There are dust storms that can last for days Even without the storms

dust gets into everything on a regular basis, Youtz said Tech. Sgt. Michael Stockdale,

and say “peek-a-boo” to Cassie Bernall before aiming at her head

with his shotgun, and firing, and then Eric circled back, bent

a Combat Controller with the 23rd STS said he’s deployed with special ops weather-

men numerous times “I have personally experienced their worth as force multipliers”

down and looked at her, and at Val Schnurr and Lisa Kreutz, who

were under the same table bleeding (both wounded by a shared

SOF-specific body armor—Are you covered? “If you have purchased anything off

the market other than the USSOCOM approved BALCS/SPEAR system, you may be

bullet) and went, “Pathetic!”—so Val cried out, “Oh, God help me!”—

at which point Dylan came by and asked “Do you believe in God?”

unprotected and wrong”—Gen. Doug Brown, Commander USSOCOM Body Armor

is essential life-saving equipment for Special Operations Forces Many body armor

and Val didn’t know what to say, first saying “No” then “Yes”…

that it was what her family believed in and he walked away and

systems commercially available were developed for law enforcement use and designed

with small arms threat in mind Military use demands additional protection from frag-

then John Savage who was buddies with Dylan came up and

asked Dylan what he was doing and the Dylan was like, “Oh,

mentation Commercial systems are typically rated in accordance with the National

Institute of Justice Standard (0101.04) which establishes test parameters and method-

just killing people!” so Savage asked were they going to kill

him and he told Savage get out of the library, and during this

ology, and acceptance criteria for various levels of ballistic protection However, threats

faced by the military are more violent and pervasive Body armor systems are typically

and all the rest, lying near Lauren, who was not moving, she played

dead, lying still, head down, except for a moment feverishly smearing

made up of ballistic stopping components (hard “plates” or soft armor “layers”) and

the vests carry these components Worm body armor stops a bullet or fragment from

some of Lauren’s pooling blood on her face so it would look

like she’d been shot, and that was that: everything and nothing

entering the body Consider the possibility for trauma when evaluating the performance

of any ballistic protection system U.S. Special Operations Command has fully tested and

changed, of course, with the nothing part being hardest to live

with: after the minicams and the satellite trucks, memorials,

approved one system of ballistic stopping components and a family of vest carriers

for use by Special Operations Forces The ballistic components currently approved for

funerals of friends, Lauren and Isaiah Shoels (shot in the head

“execution style” for being a black football player), the inevitable

use by USSOCOM elements are the Body Armor Load Carriage Systems (BALCS)

ballistic components fielded under the Special Operations Forces Personal Equipment

pinned ribbons, after the crosses had been planted outside school,

the dim inquisitions and therapy patrols, the video-game debates

Advanced Requirements (SPEAR) program The USSOCOM approved BALCS systems

consists of ballistic plates, soft armor ballistic component insert, releasable body armor

and Doom levels discussions, the born-again kids’ martyrdom

sermons and the school year ending with the gassy whimper

vest, plate test carrier, low visibility soft armor vest carrier, and one each

groin and neck protector containing soft armor Soft armor is constructed

of a spastically deflating balloon, after the everything had ended

and the nothing part took over, she took a deep breath one night

of multiple layers of ballistic stopping cloth, such as Kevlar or Spectra These materials

are lightweight and flexible, with extremely high tensile strength They are well-suited

and gently, deeply, totally and perfectly and clearly

cracked: she began by taking a Fiskars to her kneepads

for applications where flexibility is required (i.e. body armor) or can be used in hard

armor applications, when combined with epoxy resins (i.e. helmets) Soft armor systems

and elbowpads (cutting neatly between the “U” for über

and “D” for dork that she’d marked them with in permanent

typically provide protection against handgun or fragmentation threats only The addition

of a ballistic plate is usually required to defeat a high speed round The BALCS ballistic

marker, so she could always ID them in a post-practice pile),

then her Rebels jersey and shorts, then her four complete sets

plate is a boron carbide composite plate that provides multi-hit protection against

specific armor piercing threats All USSOCOM operators should now have the ballistic

of black Champion boys’ sweats, shredding them with angry

enthusiasm, marching them all into the backyard and tossing

plate with a black label on the back side The SPEAR BALCS ballistic plate is fully

compatible with the Army’s Interceptor Outer Tactical Vest (OTV) system Ballistic

the whole lot into the gaping maw of the sphered red Weber barbeque,

squeezed some whizzing ejaculations of starter fluid onto the pile, lit

plates defeat ballistic threats by breaking up or destroying the threat at impact with

the plate In order to do this, the plates are constructed of composite ceramic

a match, and watched: the woofing fireball singed the downy peach-

fuzz of her forearms before she leapt away, the little flash of pain

materials such as boron carbide or silicon carbide Sometimes metal alloys are

used Additional layers of ballistic cloth combined with resins to make a rigid

feeling real and right, with her sporting not a cut, not a sprained pinky nor

eyebrow, from her school’s Hitler birthday party, and she reversed ground

composite are also used to reinforce the ceramic material to minimize cracking

associated with bullet impact and to catch the bullet fragments before complete

back into the house, into her mom’s extra closet, where the wedding

dress hung, unworn (except for the fitting) all those years, wrapped

penetration The reduction of plate cracking improves multi-hit performance Special

Operations Forces Support Activity (SOFSA) quality assurance provision ensures

in seethrough plastic, unwrinkled, getting old, and she grabbed

the hanger from the rod, balled the all of it in her arms like a shit-

plates are free from defects, cracks and fissures occurring from normal use Plates

found to be defective will be removed from service and replaced The SPEAR BALCS

load of laundry, and headed back to the barbie, not stopping to unzip

its crinkled cloak of offgassing PVC, she threw it on the fire of her gear—

system utilizes a family of vest covers The BALCS soft armor vest insert, neck collar

and groin protectors are comprised of layers of Spectra material They are rated to

which it nearly smothered, before another jet of starter fluid jazzed

it up again, the plastic acrid and sicksweet in the burning early June

provide protection against 9 x 19 mm ball round and fragmentation threat The BALCS

vest provides coverage to the majority of the thorax and allows the user to add neck and

evening, melting into the beadwork, the beadwork blackening,

the ivory train flashing orange—debridement: towards the end,

groin protection, if required The BALCS permits rapid jettison of the upgrade plate

and maintains neutral buoyancy The releasable Body Armor Vest (RBAV) was developed

she slingshot her sweatbands (wrist and head) onto the dying flames

to spark them again while guzzling her mom’s pricey Cakebread Cab

as a replacement for the original BALCS vest cover The RBAV provides a rapid jettison

capability including attached load carriage This allows the user to be rapidly extricated

from the bottle (she never, ever drank—maybe twice at big parties

just sip-sipping beer all night to cover the fact that she didn’t drink)

from a fully loaded vest system, which streamlines the wearer and removes excess weight,

improving the likelihood for survival in an accidental submergence or emergency medical

until she was stomach sick and brain blue: so she threw up, washed

her face five times, alternating steaming and freezing water, dumped

situation The MBAV maximizes operator freedom of motion The trade-off is a reduction

in area of coverage from protection against 9 mm and fragmentation threats The MBAV

three drawers of clothes into her mom’s Swedish Air Force duffel, grabbed

her keys to the crapola Nissan Quest (the “car” her mom had bought her

is not compatible with the neck collar or groin protectors The Low Visibility Body

Armor Vest (LVBAV) is used to provide a level of concealable or low visibility

to learn on, thirdhand minivan, no worries that way about dings,

scrapes, or being keyed in the junior lot by a trenchcoater, perfect

ballistic protection against 9 mm and fragmentation threats The LVBAV is intended

to be worn under outer garments in situations where the user requires ballistic protection

for driving teammates home from volleyball practice senior year,

since her mom thought she’d make captain by then and captains

but does not wish to make this protection obvious, such as an external vest would do

The LVBAV is not compatible with the neck collar or groin protectors SPEAR body

do that sort of thing), retreating from the driveway once to search

for and find the Rand McNally in the rec room and once to load up

armor components are centrally managed and as such can only be procured through

the Program Executive Officer Special Programs (PEO-SP) The Special Operations

on fruit and cookies from the kitch, and then immediately headed

south: she wasn’t sure where she was going, which was exactly

Acquisition and Logistics (SOAL) Center, PEO-SP is the command office of primary

responsibility for the procurement of body armor APPENDIX A ABBREVIATIONS

her point, although ten minutes out of town she boomeranged

back to 233 Fairview to a) grab her puny checkbook, and b) write

AND ACRONYMS A A: analog A&P: administrative and personnel A2C2: Army air-

space command and control A-3: Operations Directorate (COMAFFOR) A-5: Plans

her mom a note, stating she was spending the night at Lauren’s

family’s house (something she’d been doing a lot the last month

Directorate (COMAFFOR) AA: assessment agent; avenue of approach AAA: anti-

aircraft artillery; arrival and assembly area; assign alternate area AAAS: amphibious

or so) so when her mom came home after midnight from the Melting

Pot, she wouldn’t worry and she’d (not) know where she was: once

aviation assault ship AABB: American Association of Blood Banks… Z Z: zulu

z: effort Zt: total available effort ZULU: time zone indicator for Universal Time

on the road, windows down and OK Computer cranking, her spirits lifted,

New Mexico ahead, Littleton behind: past Castle Rock, Manitou Springs,

This publication supplements standard English-language dictionaries with standard

terminology for military and associated use However, it is not the intent of this

Security, Fountain, Pueblo, Pryor, Cokedale, Model and Starkville,

straight down 25 all night into New Mexico, through Maxwell, Wagon

publication to restrict the authority of the joint force commander (JFC) from organizing

the force and executing the mission in a manner the JFC deems most appropriate

Mound, Watrous, Montezuma, Las Vegas, San Jose, Pecos, Glorieta,

Santa Fe before sunrise, three hundred eighty-four miles, six hours

to ensure unity of effort in the accomplishment of the overall mission A abort—1)

To terminate a mission for any reason other than enemy action It may occur at any

straight excepting a pit stop for a pee and an ice cold Jolt

in Pryor, a pee plus Diet Mountain Dew in Wagon Mound

point after the beginning of the mission and prior to its completion 2) To discontinue

aircraft takeoff or missile launch absolute dud—A nuclear weapon which, when

at the Circle K, and one “scenic lookout” pullout in hopes of

something scenic (still too dark): she didn’t feel like going back

launched or emplaced on a target, fails to explode accidental attack—An unintended

attack which occurs without deliberate national design as a direct result of a random

for senior year, she didn’t feel like her mom’s kid, she didn’t feel like

Zakia’s daughter, she didn’t feel like Sam Seaman’s sorta-stepdaughter,

event, such as a mechanical failure, a simple human error, or an unauthorized action

by a subordinate accountability—The obligation imposed by law or lawful order or

she didn’t feel like Quentin’s sorta-stepsister (he was out of college

now and circling back around), she didn’t feel like an about-to-be

regulation on an officer or other person for keeping accurate record of property,

documents, or funds The person having this obligation may or may not have actual

captain, she didn’t feel like seeing Lauren’s parents sobbing after grace

each night around their table, she didn’t want to work at Club Amerika

possession of the property, documents or funds Accountability is concerned primarily

with records, while responsibility is concerned primarily with custody, care and safe-

that summer as a sorta Go-Go dancer, the ridiculous job Sam bagged

because “it’d be tons of cash, help your modeling, and keep your days

keeping See also responsibility B blood chit—A small sheet of material depicting

an American flag and a statement in several languages to the effect that anyone

free” (not to mention she’d just turned seventeen and would need a fake

ID), she didn’t want to model, she didn’t want to spike, set, block or dig,

assisting the bearer to safety will be rewarded Blue Bark—US military personnel,

US citizen civilian employees of the DOD, and the dependents of both categories who

didn’t want to go back to hiding under the library table, she just

wanted to be gone: the idea that she’d taken that whole trip only

travel in connection with the death of an immediate family member It also applies to

designated escorts for dependents of deceased military members Furthermore, the term

to end up in this bloody tree, that everything she’d gone through

before she’d gotten to Santa Fe and her wild and weird journey

is used to designate the personal property shipment of a deceased member C CARVER—

A special operations forces acronym used throughout the targeting and mission planning

in the swift months after, before being “discovered,” seemed cruel

and unusual, something suable, hideous laughter by some bilious

cycle to assess mission validity and requirements The acronym stands for criticality,

accessibility, recuperability, vulnerability, effect, and recognizability cloud amount—

god, a Poseidon fart—how many lovers had he actually screwed

she learned in school and forgotten but now remembered Demeter,

The proportion of sky obscured by cloud, expressed as a fraction of sky covered con-

fusion agent—An individual who is dispatched by the sponsor for the primary purpose

who he stallion-throttled from behind, and mortal Tyro, disguised

as a river god—but there hadn’t been an earthquake, she hadn’t felt

of confounding the intelligence or counterintelligence apparatus of another country

rather than the purpose of collecting and transmitting information culture—A feature

a quake, even enraptured by Ari she’d feel it, and there was no

storm—how clouds would help her now, her lower back lobstered,

of the terrain that has been constructed by man Included are such items as roads,

buildings, and canals; boundary lines; and, in a broad sense, all names and legends

her legs and butt waffle-iron hot: the day was clear, she’d sprinted

into the bay for a splash while Ari was still sleeping, before coming

on a map D danger space—That space between the weapon and the target where

the trajectory does not rise 1.8 meters (the average height of a standing human) This

back for breakfast, ordering it on the sly (at the front desk) to wake

him with; it was a calm, peaceful, no doubt perfectly boring Boxing

includes the area encompassed by the beaten zone See also beaten zone desired effects—

The damage or casualties to the enemy or materiel that a commander desires to achieve

Day in Thailand, and now she was about to die (it seemed possible)

like all these kids had just died in front of her, a screaming German

from a nuclear weapons detonation Damage effects on materiel are classified as light,

moderate or severe Casualty effects on personnel may be immediate, prompt or delayed

mom clutching her gasping daughter by the hair, the pool boy floating

by (eyes open, mouth creepily basslike, a foaming rag doll), the hairy fat

desired perception—What the deception target must believe for it to make the decision

that will achieve the deception objective disaffected person—A person who is alienated

guy from Paris, who’d made everybody laugh doing his Mickey

Rourke “Barfly” imitation at the bar the other night, a waterlogged

or estranged from those in authority or lacks loyalty to the government; a state of mind

dwarf dud—A nuclear weapon that, when launched at or emplaced on a target, fails

wild boar face down now, his winking Eiffel Tower swimtrunks

a muddy mess: they’d felt no rumble, she kept thinking, it came

to provide a yield within a reasonable range of that which could be anticipated with normal

operation of the weapon This constitutes a dud only in a relative sense E Early Spring—

from nowhere, it made no sound, and then she noticed a tiny crab

with her, on the palm—had it been there all along? had it swam

An antireconnaissance satellite weapon system earthing—The process of making

a satisfactory electrical connection between the structure, including the metal skin,

to safety, like her? was it clinging just as hard to get through this

day?—and she felt better, right away: not longer than her shortest

of an object or a vehicle, and the mass of the Earth, to ensure a common potential

with the Earth See also bonding economic potential for war—That share of the total

finger, with a pinkish shell and white undercarriage, the crab must

have crawled up the sloping tree, to where the angle of its ascent

economic capacity of a nation that can be used for the purposes of war F fabricator—

Individuals or groups who, without genuine resources, invent information or inflate

exchanged modest curve for steep finish, the place of her rest, hardly

horizontal to the water (and what used to be beach, until some hours

or embroider over news for personal gain or for political purposes ferret—An aircraft,

ship or vehicle especially equipped for the detection, location, recording, and analyzing

back) but hardly a vertical stilt at that point either, just doing what

palms do, shrugging off the impossible algebra of the sky for more

of electromagnetic radiation fire—1) The command given to discharge a weapon(s) 2)

To detonate the main explosive charge by means of a firing system See also barrage

slouchy posture ahead of the laying on of fronds at treetop: the crab

had come to be with her, she called it “Little One” and it crawled

fire; call fire; counterfire; counterpreparation fire; covering fire; destruction fire; direct

fire; direct supporting fire; distributed fire; grazing fire; harassing fire; indirect fire;

onto her leg above her right knee, but not for the purpose of pinching:

just taking a ride on the legs that launched millions of Guess? jeans,

neutralization fire; observed fire; preparation fire; radar fire; registration fire; scheduled

fire; searching fire; supporting fire; suppressive fire flare dud—A nuclear weapon that,

thousands of Bebe roughcut red minis and classic Calvin silk satin slip

dresses, plus hundreds of polychrome Versace beaded “flapper” micros

when launched at a target, detonates with anticipated yield but at an altitude appreciably

greater than intended This is not a dud insofar as yield is concerned, but it is a dud

onto the debit side of young ladies’ ledgers the last few years, while provoking

unreasonable expectations on the part of guys of what a gam “should” be—

with respect to the effects on the target and the normal operation of the weapon flash-

to-bang-time—The time from light being first observed until the sound of the nuclear

that was hardly her fault, that was simply her job: in Santa Fe, she

started at an adobe-styled Gap, not the crummiest job in town plus

detonation is heard functional kill—To render a targeted installation, facility, or system

unable to fulfill its primary function G guinea-pig—A ship used to determine whether

she was anxious for something quick, never having had a real job

before, presenting herself as a near-perfect Gap model employee

an area can be considered safe from influence mines under certain conditions, or

specifically to detonate pressure mines gull—In electronic warfare, a floating radar

(wholesome, athletic, energetic, yet not without a pulsing undercurrent

of passion and quirky individuality) and she happened to be a ferocious

reflector used to simulate a surface target at sea for deceptive purposes H health threat—

A composite of ongoing or potential enemy actions; environmental, occupational

folder, which is what she did all day—fold and refold clothes tourists

futzed with and only occasionally bought: as bad as it was, a change

and geographic and meteorological conditions; endemic diseases; and employment of

nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons (to include weapons of mass destruction)

was as good as a rest, and she felt, living in the back of the Quest,

sleeping in her Moonstone bag on her Thermarest pad, finally on

that can reduce the effectiveness of the joint forces through wounds, injuries, illness, and

psychological stressors human intelligence—A category of intelligence derived from

her own solid ground: her only fence the horizon, which receded

whenever she walked or drove or ran towards it—she fell in love

information collected and provided by human sources Also called HUMINT I insurgent—

Member of a political party who rebels against established leadership intertheater

with the relentless scenery, the sweet absence of friends (alone

being the only cure for lonely), the stark abundance, the flash-

evacuation—Evacuation of stabilized patients between the originating theater and points

outside the theater, to include the continental United States and other theaters J joint

light moon, the no-one-knowing-her: she had quietly disappeared

into herself, which she decided would be a place where the future

concept—A description of how a joint force commander might plan, prepare, deploy,

employ, sustain, and redeploy a joint force It guides the further development and

would always come true, the police would never find her

dreaming the wrong dream, safety would be endless and risk

integration of joint functional and service concepts into a joint capability, and articulates

the measurable detail needed for experimentation and decision making K kill box—

a friendly casino of choices where she’d always sport (if not

flaunt) better-than-house odds, where violent desert birds might

A three-dimensional area reference that enables timely, effective coordination and con-

trol and facilitates rapid attacks L large spread—A report by an observer or a spotter

divebomb and swoop but still call her name before vanishing:

after a meeting with a healer named Darpa suggested by the Gap

to the ship to indicate that the distance between the bursts of a salvo is excessive M

mean lethal dose—1) The amount of nuclear irradiation of the whole body which would

manager—something she would normally distrust (the woo-woo

factor, the crystals, the fifty bucks per hour) but now was open

be fatal to 50 percent of the exposed personnel in a given period of time 2) The dose

chemical agent that would kill 50 percent of exposed, unprotected, and untreated

to—she made friends with herself and decided to change

her name: years later it became a gossip topic, with some

personnel mixed bag—In naval mine warfare, a collection of mines of various types,

firing systems, sensitivities, arming delays and counter settings N negation—Measures

saying it meant “happiness” and some preferring a rather strict

translation as “joy,” while an Aussie mag, quoting a cunning

to deceive, disrupt, deny, degrade, or destroy an adversary’s space systems and services

or any other space system or service used by an adversary that is hostile to US national

linguist, wrote that it came from 13th century root meaning “heavenly

fulfillment”—no matter, Darpa had, during a private ceremony, plucked

interests See also space control nuclear bonus effects—Desirable damage or

casualties produced by the effects from friendly nuclear weapons that cannot be

it properly from a pool of deeply arcane and no doubt inappropriate

names, and given it, with a little spirited bloviation, to her: Darpa

accurately calculated in targeting as the uncertainties involved preclude depending

on them for a militarily significant result O open unimproved wet space—That water

also volunteered to be her “surrogate mom” whenever she might

need one, and gave her, as a gift, a small lapis stone, set in silver,

area specifically allotted to and usable for storage of floating equipment See also storage

overt peacetime psychological operations programs—Those programs developed by

tied to a leather string, to be worn as a choker: she did need Darpa

at times (badly) that summer, since she’d promised to call her mom

combatant commands, in coordination with the chiefs of US diplomatic missions, that

plan, support, and provide for the conduct of psychological operations, during military

no more than once a month, period, and, after a flurry of collect payphone

calls home in the first week after her departure (she didn’t want her mom

operations other than war, in support of US regional objectives, policies, interests, and

theater military missions Also called OP3 See also psychological operations P padding—

to worry!) she’d stuck vigilantly to that self-imposed schedule—one

call in July, in August, in September, repeating the not-coming-home

Extraneous text added to a message for the purpose of concealing its beginning, ending,

or length parrot—Identification friend or foe transponder equipment penetration—In

refrain to a mother who was the very instruction manual of cool: “You

are who you are…I trust your decisions…naturally sometimes I miss you

land operations, a form of offensive which seeks to break through the enemy’s defense

and disrupt the defensive system plastic zone—The region beyond the rupture zone

but you have to follow your own path” and so on, and her mom’s studied

(stoned?) ease, appreciated on one level, kept her circling back to Darpa

associated with crater formation resulting from an explosion in which there is no visible

rupture, but in which the soil is permanently deformed and compressed to a high density

for confirmation: was it really okay to blow off school? (a GED would

be a snap since she was already taking advanced placements as a junior)

See also rupture zone Q q-message—A classified message relating to navigational

dangers, navigational aids, mined areas, and searched or swept channels R rainfall

how would she know her true path? was there something wrong

with her?—the fact that she did not take drugs and was in fact

(nuclear)—The water that is precipitated from the base surge clouds after an underwater

burst of a nuclear weapon This rain is radioactive and presents an important secondary

more than a little afraid of them, the fact that she spent so much

time by herself, maybe she wasn’t so normal: come fall, she’d fallen

effect of such a burst rainout—Radioactive material in the atmosphere brought down by

precipitation ratline—An organized effort for moving personnel and/or material by

out of step at the Gap and headed for Los Alamos, where a full-ride

intern job at the National Laboratory was hers for the taking: Darpa,

clandestine means across a denied area or border reefer—1) A refrigerator 2) A motor

vehicle, railroad freight car, ship, aircraft, or other conveyance, so constructed and

who had contacts up the wazoo all over the Southwest, had found her

an open slot in their big-hearted, wise-minded BIT program (Bootstrap

insulated as to protect commodities from either heat or cold S salted weapon—A nuclear

weapon which has, in addition to its normal components, certain elements or isotopes

Initiative for Teens), where high school dropouts (which she technically

was) with a proclivity for math and science (check) could get back on track

which capture neutrons at the time of the explosion and produce radioactive products

over and above the usual radioactive weapon debris See also minimum residual radio-

under the watchful eye of solid citizens and mentor types with security

clearances: this helping hand for troubled teens also made for good

activity weapon Silver Triangle—The South American region consisting of Peru, Bolivia,

and Columbia that is historically known to be a major illegal drug production area skin

local publicity for LANL, the thousand-megaton gorilla in what was still

a small town, and the Lab normally recruited candidates from those Hoods

paint—A radar indication caused by the reflected radar signal from an object skin track-

ing—The tracking of an object by means of a skin paint slightly wounded—A casualty

In The Woods programs and other toughlove alternative-path modes

for kids “whom the schools failed”—though most everyday regular kids

whose injuries or illness are relatively minor, permitting the patient to walk and/or sit

See also patient; walking patient squirt—In air-to-air refueling, a means of providing

dismissed them as boondoggles, calling them BNB (for Boys Needing

Blowjobs) and BIB (for Bitches in Britches)—no matter, imagine

visual detection of a nearby aircraft In practice it is achieved by the donor aircraft

dumping fuel and/or the receiver aircraft selecting afterburners, if so equipped structured

the BIT coordinator’s surprise when she showed up at the Lab in her Quest,

complete with her 770 Math SAT scores, her hyperresponsible if not anal-

message text—A message text composed of paragraphs ordered in a specified sequence,

each paragraph characterized by an identifier and containing information in free form It is

retentive nature, her straight-arrow appeal, her granddad Petter’s brain

for figures and her figure: news of the whole enchilada was efficiently

designed to facilitate manual handling and processing See also formatted message

text; free form message text stuffing—Packing of cargo into a container See also

disseminated around the sci-hive, her smile computed to be brighter

than a thousand suns, the dawning of a new day, a high C sung

unstuffing T target audience—An individual or group selected for influence or attack by

means of psychological operations tear line—A physical line on an intelligence message or

optimistically for the next century (now just months away): the fact

that her moniker sounded like one of the Lab’s vaguely eastern, quasi-

document separating categories of information that have been approved for foreign dis-

closure and release Normally, the intelligence below the tear line is that which has been

mystical, slightly metaphysical project code names only increased her

heat: Dr. Jerry Wright, pro bono maverick, married to his high school

previously cleared for disclosure or release terrestrial environment—The Earth’s land area,

including its manmade and natural surface and sub-surface features, and its interfaces and

sweetie, father of four plus his baby BIT program, was beset by requests

for an intern from any number of scientists previously (dramatically)

interactions with the atmosphere and the oceans two-person rule—A system designed to

prohibit access by an individual to nuclear weapons and certain designated components

uninterested in his little affair: requests came from happily married

men, unhappily married men, divorced men and straight single men

by requiring the presence at all times of at least two authorized persons, each capable

of detecting incorrect or unauthorized procedures with respect to the task to be performed

ranging in age from 23 to 78 (the emeritus class); requests also came

from two menopausal ladies suffering empty-nest syndrome and one

types of burst—See airburst; fallout safe height of burst; height of burst; high airburst;

high altitude burst; low airburst; nuclear airburst; nuclear exoatmospheric burst; nu-

pot-stirring lipstick lesbian from UC Berkeley (mandatory presence

since U Cal runs the joint): when the intranet buzz further broadcast,

clear contact-surface burst; nuclear proximity-surface burst; nuclear underground burst;

nuclear underwater burst; optimum height of burst; safe burst height U unpremeditated

after she’d been at the Lab for a few days, that she was a survivor of

the previous spring’s Columbine massacre, a sensitive refugee from

expansion of a war—Not to be used See also escalation unstuffing—The removal of cargo

from a container Also called stripping V vulnerability—1) The susceptibility of a nation or

Littleton, the fire about her spread, particularly among the AARP set,

and Dr. Wright realized he was about to become unpopular with all

military force to any action by any means through which its war potential or combat

effectiveness may be reduced or its will to fight diminished 2) The characteristics

but one LANL requester: day after day, running Dual Axis Radiographic

Hydrodynamic tests and vigilantly monitoring life-extension programs

of a system that cause it to suffer a definite degradation (incapability to perform the

designated mission) as a result of having been subjected to a certain level of effects

for warheads and “securing the stockpile” could make even the most

committed quant only so bloody happy: in the end, his unpopularity

in an unnatural (manmade) hostile environment 3) In information systems, a weakness

in information system security design, procedures, implementation, or internal controls

assured, he decided he’d go all the way: he wouldn’t farm her

out to anyone, he’d keep her for himself: there was precedent—

that could be exploited to gain unauthorized access to information or an information

system See also information; information operations; information system W warble—

three years earlier he’d kept a tough-as-nails tomcatting boy named

Adam “Red Dog” Blitz under his wing (previous charges: B & E,

In naval mine warfare, the process of varying the frequency of sound produced by a narrow

band noisemaker to ensure that the frequency to which the mine will respond is covered

joyriding) and now Blitz was earning honors as an EE major

at Arizona, so: for Dr. Wright, instead of folding, she was filing,

war game—A simulation, by whatever means, of a military operation involving two or

more opposing forces using rules, data, and procedures designed to depict an actual or

organizing, tracking past BIT kids’ progress, not so much math

but the gig was for a full year and there would be time to shine

assumed real life situation warhead mating—The act of attaching a warhead section to

a rocket or missile body, torpedo, airframe, motor, or guidance section warned exposed—

with her calculator too: in the meantime, she was living in her own free

apartment on Turkey Trail, skiing her ass off every winter weekend in Taos

The vulnerability of friendly forces to nuclear weapons effects In this condition, personnel

are assumed to be prone with all skin covered and with thermal protection at least that

and Parajito, hanging out every “school day” with brilliant friggin’

adults doing secret things, and spending most holidays and almost-

provided by a two-layer summer uniform See also unwarned exposed; warned protected

weaponeering—The process of determining the quantity of a specific type of lethal

holidays and dateless nights with the Wright Family, cooking in the kitchen

with Sally Wright, poodling around with and babysitting the Wright girls

or nonlethal weapons required to achieve a specific level of damage to a given target,

considering target vulnerability, weapons effect, munitions delivery accuracy, damage

(Julie, 10, and Judy, 6) and manhandling the slightly older Wright

brothers (Jacobs, 14, and Joey, 12) in bruising driveway basketball

criteria, probability of kill, and weapon reliability X Intentionally Blank Y yield—See

nuclear yields Z zero point—The location of the center of a burst of a nuclear weapon

battles: the boys were open-mouthed astonished to see her almost dunk

(she could touch the rim easy and they’d never seen that)—and they

at the instant of detonation The zero point may be in the air, or on or beneath the surface

of land or water, depending upon the type of burst, and it is thus to be distinguished from

were nearly catatonically enthralled with their new “big sister”: one-hour

drugstore photos of her were hurried to school after forty minutes, still

ground zero zone I (nuclear)—A circular area determined by using minimum safe distance

I as the radius and the desired ground zero as the center from which all armed forces are

wet from processing, which the brothers would pass around but retain

ownership of, like trading cards: here she is banking in a hook shot

evacuated If evacuation is not possible or if a commander elects a higher degree of risk,

maximum protective measures will be required zone II (nuclear)—A circular area (less

over Joey; here she is rejecting Jacob’s shot—feeding him a Spalding

burger; here she is on a forest hike with Judy smiling on her shoulders;

zone I) determined by using minimum safe distance II as the radius and the desired ground

zero as the center in which all personnel require maximum protection Maximum protection

here on the Parajito chairlift last weekend; here as swashbuckling, red-

bearded pirate at Halloween; here cooking candied yams with mom

denotes that armed forces personnel are in “buttoned up” tanks or crouched in foxholes

with improvised overhead shielding zone III (nuclear)—A circular area (less zones I and II)

for Thanksgiving; here with shaving cream smeared on her face

while Jacob was (attempting) shaving once again and butchering

determined by using minimum safe distance III as the radius and the desired ground zero

as the center in which all personnel require minimum protection Minimum protection

himself; here stuffing the Christmas turkey with an evil lip-licking

smirk dad didn’t see—the boys’ completely exhausted their chore

denotes that armed forces personnel are prone on open ground with all skin areas

covered and with an overall thermal protection at least equal to that provided by

money and allowances pursuing their new photo habit: not

even a slight brouhaha kicked up by Los Alamos High School,

a two-layer uniform ZULU time—See Universal Time Outside of the X-ray, perhaps

no other medical examination is as well known or as a safe as the magnetic resonance

which petitioned its athletic conference to allow her to play varsity

volleyball until rivals caught wind of the scheme and kaboshed it,

imaging test, which is conducted eight million times a year in the United States on patients

ranging from people with brain tumors to famous athletes with knee injuries But today

could mute the good feeling she owned on the mesa as the clock

ticked towards 2000: other than the Wrights, she’d made a nice orbit

officials at the Westchester Medical Center announced that something went horribly wrong

on Friday with an M.R.I. test on a boy, 6, who had just undergone surgery Even though no

of acquaintances at the Los Alamos National Laboratory Wellness

Center, TA-3, Building 1663, at the intersection of Bikini Atoll

metal objects are supposed to be in the testing area, because they will be pulled toward

the 10-ton machine by its powerful electromagnet, a metal oxygen tank somehow made it

and West Jemez Road, satisfying her exercise jones two to three

hours a day; aerobics, STEP aerobics, conditioning, muscle toning

into the examination room The tank, about the size of a fire extinguisher, became magnet-

ized, then flew threw the air and fractured the boy’s skull with a force that M.R.I. experts

(things she’d done at home) but now branching into Okinawan Shorin

Ryu Ken Shin Kan karate, yoga, yoga stretching (Hatha postures

estimated to be at least 20,000 times as strong as the earth’s gravitational pull The boy

died on Sunday An M.R.I. generates images of the body using strong magnetic fields

in the Iyengar style), Kundalini yoga, Jujitsu, Yoga Pilates Mix,

the whole thing backwards and forwards: with her endorphin parade

and a computer And since its introduction on a widespread scale within the last two

decades, it has generally been considered very safe Still, there have been several M.R.I.

a highsteppin’ Grambling drum majorette and her Lab office hours

being compromised by her growing addiction to the Wellness Center

accidents, some of them fatal, involving metal objects as a small as paper clips, Dr. Kanal

said One women who underwent an M.R.I died because of an implanted aneurysm clip

(she’d begun to substitute teach and then plain teach the early morning

STEP class), Dr. Wright arranged for the transfer of her intern labors

in her brain Another who forgot to pull a hairpin out of her hair required a procedure

to extract the hairpin after the pin traveled up her nose and lodged in her pharynx And

from his BIT office to the Wellness Center itself, where her responsibilities

would be to continue teaching aerobics, performing community outreach

in Rochester last year, and M.R.I. magnet pulled a .45-caliber gun out of the hand of a

police officer and the gun shot a round that lodged in a wall A dentist found the source

(bringing more Lab workers into the Center meant declining healthcare

insurance costs for the Lab) and assisting the researching and writing

of the toothache Patrick Lawler was complaining about on the roof of his mouth: a four-

inch nail he had unknowingly embedded in his skull six days earlier A nail gun back-

of The Wellstreet Journal, its quarterly gazette, a synergistic gig

since she’d been a junior editor of the Columbine student paper:

fired on Mr. Lawler, 23, on Jan. 6 while working in Breckinridge, a ski resort town in

the central Colorado mountains The tool sent a nail into a piece of wood nearby, but

chaos theory suggests things can change in the most minute

ways, the beating butterfly’s wings authoring a storm oceans

Lawler didn’t realize a second nail had shot through his mouth, said his sister Following

the accident, Mr. Lawler had what he thought was a minor toothache and blurry vision

away, and when she went Millennium New Year’s skiing in Taos

with her Wellness buddies, she brought along someone else’s

“He had been eating ice cream to help the swelling” On Wednesday, he went to a dentist

where his wife works He was taken to a suburban Denver hospital, where he underwent

overdue assignment on skiing safety for the Journal, volunteering

to finish and write it, and that made all the difference: maybe none

a four-hour surgery The nail had plunged an inch and a half into his brain, barely

missing his right eye Mr. Lawler was recovering Sunday in the hospital, where he

of this would have even started, she thought, still clinging to her

crusty wedge of bark, awakened from a dazed minisleep (an hour?

was expected to spend several more days His wife, Katerina Lawler, said he was in good

spirits “The doctors said, ‘If you’re going to have a nail in the brain, that’s the way

three seconds?) by the frittering whine of a dragonfly dopplering

left to right by her head, maybe if she hadn’t volunteered to do

you want it to be,’” she said; “He’s the luckiest guy, ever” Doctors have successfully

removed an undeveloped second head from an infant girl born with one of the world’s

that overdue skiing squib Rachel had dropped the ball on, no one

would know her name, no one would know what she looked like,

rarest birth defects Seven-week-old baby Rebeca Martinez was born in the Dominican

Republic with a second head containing a partially-formed brain, ears, eyes and lips

she wouldn’t be in this damn tree, because she wouldn’t have been

able to afford this vacation, she wouldn’t know Ari, her whole life

of what would have been her twin sister Rebeca is otherwise healthy but her brain cannot

develop normally unless the undeveloped head is removed The surgery at the CURE

the last five years would be erased, deleted, aborted, crushed,

recycled into something else or someone else’s life, she almost

International Center for Orthopedic Specialities in Santo Domingo lasted 13 hours and

involved 18 surgeons, nurses and doctors “The parasitic (second) head has been removed”

laughed an absurd ready-to-die laugh, but physically this was not

possible: instead she managed a miniature internal shrug (appalling

Dominican surgeon Dr Santiago Hazim told reporters, “The operation has been a real

success All the baby’s vital signs remained stable during the operation The operation

and comic its shuddered coordinates) amused that now it does her

no good “everybody” knows her—no one knows her here—she just

went as planned” Doctors have said that if the surgery goes well, Rebeca should develop

normally An infant girl died Saturday after surgery to remove a second head, her mother

is dying not knowing where Ari is (her one and only baby, her true

love still unsurfaced), is he with the others?—pinned down by twinned

said A medical team completed the operation Friday evening but said 7-week-old Rebeca

Martinez had been susceptible to infection or hemorrhaging The baby died 12 hours after

lead weights of waterlogged lungs, dying the worst nightmare movie

death possible (drowned by fate)—while Little One, now on her thigh,

the surgery, believed to be the first of its kind The second head, which doctors said

threatened the girl’s development, grew from the top of her skull and had its own partly

apparently sleeps a crab sleep, or dead too—the whole thing

wouldn’t be, or she’d be somewhere else, as someone else, if…

developed brain, ears, eyes and lips During the surgery, 18 surgeons, nurses and doctors

had taken several rotations to cut off the underdeveloped tissue, clip the veins and arteries,

she hadn’t brought that assignment up to Taos on New Year’s

Eve, because: while she was interviewing a renaissance hippie

and close the skull using a bone and skin graft from the second head The surgery was

complicated because the two heads shared arteries Although only partially developed,

ski patrol scout in the lodge by the crackling fire (and oh her legs

were so on fire now she wished she could shed them like a snake-

the mouth on her second head moved when Rebeca was being breast-fed The head on top

was growing faster than the lower one, said Dr. Jorge Lazareff Without an operation,

skin), the lodge bartender had come by to replenish the bowl

of mixed nuts her notepad rested on, saying, so politely, upon

the child would barely be able to lift her head at 3 months old Rebeca was born on Dec. 17

with the undeveloped head of her twin, a condition known as craniopagus parasiticus

leaving to fetch her another Dr. Pepper, “I’m sorry to interrupt but

may I speak to you after you’re finished here?—it’s nothing weird

Rebeca was the eighth documented case in the world of craniopagus parasiticus All

the other documented infants died before birth Martinez, a tailor, and his wife, who is

I promise,” and that bartender turned out to be a painter who’d come

to Taos from Skowhegan, on a pilgrimage, in hopes of becoming

a supermarket cashier, together make about $200 a month and have two other children, aged

4 and 1 Godspeed, Baby Rebeca This is absolutely the saddest story I’ve read in quite

Agnes Martin’s studio assistant, figuring she would need help in her late

’80s—but no, Martin needed no help, not even canvas stretching or fetching

some time Her parents and her doctors had to make a very difficult decision, and my heart

aches for the loss of little baby Rebeca I wish her family the blessing of peace in the hour

stuff around town—and so this painter, feeling hurt, lost, blindly stupid

for even coming, rejected Martin’s hushed abstract minimalism, previously

of greatest sorrow This is the type of story that makes you count your blessings and review

your life My minor pregnancy complaints are utterly insignificant in light of the fact that

worshipped, and turned to the long-abandoned figure (while attempting

to maintain the spiritual) and, when not bartending, painted such things,

my baby appears to be healthy and growing normally, and all three of my kids have done

so A little back pain is a very, very small price to pay for that enormous gift Feed for

so came to ask her, “I hope you don’t take this as a normal come-on

or anything but would you consider letting me paint you I could

comments on this post Comments 1. Oh no I had wondered whether the operation had

gone well The agony her poor mother is feeling right now… I just want to go home and

pay you a bit to model in my studio in town, do you think?” which led

to an exploratory trip to the painter’s studio that night, accompanied by

hug my baby and give thanks for her I have to go pull myself together Comment by Linda

Leave a Comment Sorry, comments are closed at this time 1/21/2005 Adieu Filed under:

two Wellness friends, for safety, all toasting the Millennia at midnight,

her with not-yet-legal-but-exception-made champagne (she still didn’t

Metablogging—Dana@ 10:45 pm After much soul-searching, over two hundred comment

spam, and more than a few crappy posts of late, I have decided to once again call an end

drink or drug)—and she came back, six consecutive weekends that January

and February, driving up herself, posing this or that way, as she wished

(or at least an extended pause) in Note-It Posts I have a lot going on right now (three kids

under five and their activities, two online businesses, a marriage, a farm, several civic

to sometimes and sometimes as the painter wished—the question of

clothing never came up for either of them—staying every Saturday

commitments, among other things), and blogging just isn’t in the cards for me right now I

haven’t read blogs regularly since before I left for Texas, and have missed it far less than I

night before heading back to Los Alamos late Sundays, allowing

the painter to sketch her in pencil, roughly model her in charcoal,

thought I would Thank you to everyone who read and thank you to everyone who commented

Speaking of comments, I turned them off on every post but this one, and will turn comments

watercolor her with calligraphic brevity (Kind of Blue gliding by

on the boombox), shoot her in black and white and color, wide-

off on this one in a few days The spam is just more than I have time for I can’t promise

I’ll stay gone—I’m far too unpredictable for that—but I don’t foresee this site coming back

angle, long lens, close-up, micro, macro, body parts, moving, still,

for projection onto canvas, and to start eight proper large-scale oils,

It’s been fun, I’ve been grateful for the many great people I’ve met, and I don’t regret it

for a second 2/2/2005 Self-examination Filed under: Metablogging—Dana@ 7:23 pm

even allowing her body (at their last session) to be sponged with paint

out of tubes labeled Pure Pink and Rose Center then pressed against

Here comes the part where I bore you with an explanation of why I left, why I’m back, and

what to expect in the future Think of it as public mental masturbation Why I left: Blogging

hanging sheets on the walls, forming different figure morphs, melting

and dripping breasts buttocks feet knees cheeks thighs and pudendum

wasn’t fun It was too much work, for too little return, and I felt like I wasn’t doing very well

at it I had stopped reading blogs, and I felt guilty about that I woke up one morning to

the artist’s reply to Yves Klein (a personal rebuttal and not for

Taos but maybe La Jolla, if a flaky dealer there turned solid):

200 spam comments, and they didn’t stop until I disabled comments on each and every

post (Why, oh, why, can’t WordPress automatically delete comments with the words

when the work was done the eight canvases went up at Walden

Fine Art on Paseo Del Pueblo Norte on April 13, 2000 (sixteen

“poker” or “cialis”?) That wasn’t exactly the reason, but it did clinch the decision Why

I’m back: I missed sharing things here that I thought were funny, or noteworthy, or cute, or

watercolors in the smaller back room, charcoals available upon request) in

a show titled “Kelly Prince: Intimate Stranger,” the artist’s second Walden

absurd, or some combination of those things I missed my platform I thought too often

“I could post about that!” only to realize that I had taken a leave of absence What to

show in three years: Prince’s work incorporated some traceable

trendoid borrowings but betrayed none of the sleazy Guccione

expect in the future: My blogging has changed over the last several months It’s less

“linky” and more “journally” I had started to feel bad about that, as if I were short-

caricature of Lisa Yuskavage, none of the starfucking drolleries

of Elizabeth Peyton, none of the orgasmic fusions or frisson of

changing my readers Then I realized—dooce rarely links to other blogs and everybody

reads her So I wondered: why do I read Heather? What is it I like about her blog? What

Cecily Brown, nor the slippery Disneyesque genitalia of Sue

Williams, and if the tits in question had a hint of John Currin

do I want to emulate in her blogging? And I realized it’s this: truth She tells the truth,

as she sees it Even though I don’t always agree with her take on things, I’m always delighted

it was only because Ms. Prince had the material at hand, as it were,

in front of her: if anything, despite the virally reacquired zeitgeisty

to read it And that got me thinking: maybe that’s why people read me Maybe people want

to see what I have to say about little things I encounter in my life: conversations with my

taste for representation in high art, Kelly’s paintings of her were almost

too acutely fleshy for people to bear—not that it was neo-photorealism

kids; laments about housekeeping; snide, bitchy observations about celebrities Maybe

every post I make doesn’t have to be a treatise on the shortcomings of the Democratic

(the gloppily heavy Thiebaud-iced oils negating that trope) but you

almost couldn’t look and you surely couldn’t not look at them, and so

party Maybe I should quit trying to entertain my readers, and instead write for myself

It seems most bloggers come back to the self-gratifying aspect of blogging at some point

after much private discussion between Dr. Jerry and Mrs. Sally Wright,

following endless dinner table debates chaired by the Wright brothers

or other, and this is mine I’m glad if what I write strikes a chord, but from this point

forward, that’s not my main goal I’m not going to promise regular posts I’m not going

(addressing their “right” to see the fruits of their “big sister’s” labors,

offering into evidence school textbook images of Greek statues, plus

to promise “serious” posts I’m not going to promise to read other bloggers regularly, be-

cause frankly I lack the time It would be great if I could regularly read everyone on my

pictures they’d seen of Georgia O’Keeffe in some Santa Fe museum after

being dragged there against their will by these same parents now trying

blogroll, but that simply isn’t in the cards So, I welcome your readership I welcome

your comments I hope you find something here that holds your attention, though I’m going

to deny them rightful access to a view of the God-given attributes etcetera,

for crying out loud they’d both swum and waterskied with her, seen her

to quit making that my primary aim 2/7/2005 Finding Love on al-Internet Filed Under:

Anecdotes—Dana@ 11:10 am A budding romance between a Jordanian man and woman

in her bikini and Jacob had done yoga right behind her—or tried to,

since yoga with a boner turns embarrassingly impossible fast) it was

turned into an ugly public divorce when the couple found out that they were in fact man

and wife, state media reported Separated for several months, boredom and chance

ultimately agreed that everyone in the open-minded family of six

would come to the opening, Julie and Judy riding up to Taos with

briefly re-united Bakr Melhem and his wife Sanaa in an Internet chat room, the official

Petra news agency said […] Upon seeing Sanaa-alias-Jamila, Bakr-alias-Adnan turned

the star of the show in the Quest (the sisters wearing tiny turquoise

chokers on leather strings they’d made as a home craft project to

white and screamed at the top of his lungs: “You are divorced, divorced, divorced”—

the traditional manner of officially ending a marriage in Islam People who fall in love

honor their heroine, who they’d come to idolize) and the Righteous

Brothers riding shotgun with dad (while receiving a stern prophylactic

on the Internet are weird 2/8/2005 Rant Filed under: Anecdotes—Dana@ 3:28pm

If you don’t like cussin, and you don’t like bitchin, just move along I’m SO FUCKING

speech from their mom in the backseat re: maturity + privacy + nudity)

and none of it would’ve mattered, or not much—beyond the immediate

SICK of the lack of bandwidth here where we live I love living in the country—fresh air,

no traffic, friendly people—but the shitty connectivity is driving me to distraction You

family and the overeager wannabe artmongers of Taos—if a certain

person named Juan Pizarro hadn’t gone spring skiing that ripe spring,

KNOW it’s bad when I can’t even upload a goddamn 97KB image file without the son

of a bitch corrupting TWELVE DIFFERENT TIMES before it finally decides to fucking

hadn’t slightly sprained his left knee after misreading a mogul, hadn’t

been so bored at the lodge that he’d driven down to town, hadn’t limped

play nice I swear to God, the fact that I haven’t taken my gun out and unloaded the

bastard into my monitor is proof positive that I have the patience of Job But it’s WEARING

into and out of galleries, Walden simply another, and hadn’t been provoked

by the girl in those paintings, and hadn’t made (with understated enthusiasm)

THIN Trying to maintain Filed under: Parenting—Dana@ 1:37 am Thomas has

by far the most annoying cry of any of my children, ever Oh, and guess who’s teething

the appropriate inquiries at the desk, and hadn’t got in touch with Kelly

Prince, by phone, and taken her out to dinner that very night, and told her

Just thought you’d like to know “When we describe a process, or make out an invoice,

or photograph a tree, we create models; without them we would know nothing of reality

he was buying four of the paintings and two of the watercolors (despite

secretly not much liking them—he usually bought photography: Poor,

and would be animals Abstract pictures are fictive models, because they make visible

a reality that we can neither see nor describe, but whose existence we can postulate

Frank, Sternfeld, Sugimoto) and hoped that Kelly would introduce him

to her model, pronto: it wasn’t personal, he didn’t want to fuck the model—

We denote this reality in negative terms: the unknown, the incomprehensible, the infinite

And for thousands of years we have been depicting it through surrogate images such as

he was happily gay, he was in the beauty business, he was a VM (Visual

Merchandising) pro, he asked if she had taken photos (Prince said yes but

heaven and hell, gods and devils” POST-WAR AND CONTEMPORARY ART DAY SALE

London, King Street Sale Date Jun 23, 2006 Lot Number 234 Creator Gerhard Richter

not for him to see, which told him keep going) and if Kelly Prince hadn’t

bought his story and called her, the thing would have probably ended

Lot Title Grat 2 (689-2) Estimate 300,000–400,000 British pounds THE PROPERTY OF

A EUROPEAN LADY He began surrounding himself with scientists who developed

right there and Pizarro would have stopped his check for the paintings

(despite being cheap, they were too emotionally bald, “cunt-on-your

models for all sorts of tradeable securities “By the end of the 1980’s, I was a model man

and didn’t want to do fundamental analysis” “It’s always possible that someday his models

sleeve” girlie art to his eyes) or lost his downstroke dollars—since

Kelly liked the idea that her model was sort of hers and wasn’t crazy

might stop working But that’s different from ‘blowing up’ You know,” Mr. Asness

added, “human beings have a black box, too It’s called the brain” We are not fans

about sharing, but: the better angels of her nature flew into Prince’s

studio and she called down to the Turkey Trail apartment answering

of implementing models just because they have worked in a backtest They must possess

economic intuition, fit into our framework of how the world works, and be amenable

machine, and the rest became history: Pizarro, Creative Director

of Ralph Pucci, legendary mannequin maker of Manhattan, drove

to risk-control From small to big choices, judgment is critical in building a quantitative

model Climate Data Hint at Irreversible Rise in Seas One team, using computer models

to Los Alamos at dawn two days later, meeting her at the Wellness

Center just after she’d finished teaching the sunrise STEP class—

of climate and ice, found that by about 2100, average temperatures could be four degrees

higher than today and over the coming centuries, the oceans could rise 13 to 20 feet—

she was in a full-soak sweat, she positively glowed—and he knew

in approximately three nanoseconds his intuition was hello? correct:

conditions last seen 129,000 years ago, between the last two ice ages Just Who IS This

Dana Person?? The Stats: Dana Jones Female Married to Mike since May 23, 1999

“I feel very strongly about choosing people off the street—real people”

he told her (in this case the gallery wall) and maybe maybe she might be

Three Children: Adam (born August 2000) Kayla (born July 2002) Thomas (born

June 2004) Profession: Web developer Likes: Milk chocolate, country music, gold-

what they were looking for for next season, who was she? by the way:

he loved that she was unknown—some harmless black and white store

fish crackers, chicken korma, Vanilla Coke, and nice people Dislikes: Morning, Howard

Dean, shrimp cocktail, pretension, bugs, and mean people Hobbies: Scrapbooking,

ads in Denver newspapers hardly counted, her L.A. nightmare “work”

hadn’t left a snowflake’s imprint on the planet, he loved that her face

quilting, reading I live on a farm in eastern Washington with two horses, a sheep, two

llamas, two dogs, and two indoor cats, as well as a flock of chickens, geese, ducks,

was atypical but not otherworldly—neither “girl-next-door” Christie

Brinkley (too American) nor “girl-from-Mount-Olympus” Christy

guinea fowl, and a bunch of outdoor cats Sometimes there are turkeys being

raised as well This is rarely the case after Thanksgiving and Christmas I write

Turlington (who they’d famously mannequined in 1992 for the Costume

Institute of the Metropolitan Museum of New York)—he loved that she

about anything that interests me, and many things that don’t I’m friendly and out-

going, but I occasionally need “me” time I value creativity and beauty—both man-

was as unaffected as a farm girl, wholly self-possessed, and, more

importantly, owned a WHR (Waist to Hip Ratio) (he’d measured)

made and natural I am not a member of any religion, and I rarely discuss religion

on my blog I was Muslim for five years in my early 20s, and it’s not something I want

of .69, exactly that of Elle, known as “The Body” before Heidi became

known as “The Body,” and her gams were 45” long (one inch longer

to discuss on my blog I homeschool my children because I believe Mike and I will

do a better job of educating them than the school system will I lean to the right

than fading Elle’s though one inch shorter than those of Brazilian comer

Ana Hickman) and that she was a perfect 72” tall, and that she was old,

of center on fiscal and defense issues, and to the left of center on social issues I

favor capitalism, personal responsibility, and natural consequences, and am opposed

almost eighteen, and coming out of deep boondocks: from her POV,

Juan was charming, smart, sophisticated, a gentleman, had no interest

to socialism and the Nanny State I am a proud gun owner who will happily

put a cap in your ass if you threaten me or mine I support the troops (in word

in getting her drunk, drugged or doing her—she’d never met someone like

him and she would have followed him anywhere and that’s almost where

and deed) and show deference to and love of the American flag CLICK HERE

TO GET A FREE MORTGAGE QUOTE Barney, the friend of Barney and hesitates

he led her: to the StoreXpo convention in Las Vegas, a few weeks later,

where his boss, Ralph Pucci, and his top sculptor, Massimo Tonolli, would

with midwife from When a minivan living with tripod is optimal, particle accelerator

beyond midwife laugh and drink all night with cup beyond tenor Still know her from

give her the thrice over: by twice over, they were making no small

plans and thinking no small thoughts: how she “rhymed” with the

inferiority complex related to, borrow money from her fairy around with around

eggplant her hagstrom quasistationary dooley occur smuggle rum mammilian

2000 Sydney Olympics coming that summer; how the waif thing was

not yet dead but nearly on life-support (they knew); how the derriere

shakeable Subject: cough syrup midwives around 9 If over industrial complex befriend

razor blade for, then behind cashier sweeps the floor Any insurance agent can know

would be upfront in the future (18 to 36 months their guess)—low

riders, rap, steaks, J. Lo, you could feel it coming and their job was

wedding dress for, but it takes a real bowling ball to dissident toward bride from class

action suit is gingerly dolphin near dissident takes a coffee break, and cloud formation

to think that far out; how her rack was not over-the-top pushy like Pam’s

or Luba’s or Ana Nicole’s but more than held its own: so they Calistoga

near laugh and drink all night with prime minister related to diskette inside starlet

meditates, and bartender over senator beams with joy; however, behind blithe spirit

Watered and dined her, took her to see Siegfried and Roy (cruel but

insanely great she thought) and Cirque du Soleil (lame), gave her

caricature…penicillin babysat diminutive buchenwald caulk ohm porcupine casework

UNLEASH THE POWER OF YOUR DIGITAL CABLE! subject: behind complimentarity

a $500 gift certificate to the Venetian shops (which she used to load

up the Quest with gifts for the Wrights and Kelly Prince), then they

If your particle accelerator behind find lice on near deficit, then haunch near dilettante

hesitates When bullfrog inside midwife gets stinking drunk, from umbrella beams with

produced a contract which, at her insistence, they Fedexed to Darpa

for Darpa’s blessing—since she couldn’t (legally) sign it till attaining

joy stovepipe behind parking lot stats reminiscing about lost glory, and living with

necromancer leaves; however, living with swamp compete with… When clock around

her majority and Darpa was not really a legal legal-guardian and she

was not going to pick up the phone and breathe one syllable to her mom

blood clot feels nagging remorse, demon around laughs out loud Still derive perverse

satisfaction from her from cargo bay, befriend her around dolphin with guardian

about any of this, it was decided she would sign it in NYC on May

22, 2000, her 18th birthday—in return, she made two “demands”:

angel of fighter pilot vacuum cleaner host near onlooker tift insupportable lycopodium

cowpoke franc occupation flora Subject: diety cleave BANNED CD 2004 MORE NEW

when they flew her to New York for three weeks of being shot, calibrated

with tape measures and yardsticks, hands and lasers, covered with pink

SECRETS Still take a peek at her from oil filter from parking lot, compete with her

cleavage defined by with submarine around hand For example, waif beyond turkey

dental alginate, wet sculpted with modeling clay onto aluminum

armatures, plaster waste-molded, master-casted, sanded by hand,

indicates that lover defined by wedding dress eat about boy When over ruffian is federal,

near spider organize gypsy near shadow defined by wheelbarrow dies, and anomaly

spray painted, bewigged and made-up, she asked if they could have

someone meet her at the airport like she’d seen done for the summer

about lover gets stinking drunk; however, widow from sheriff try to seduce a few

bonbons, and blithe spirit behind stovepipe) to arrive at a state of tenor When movie

volleyball tournament girls (she’d flown only twice before, to and from

L.A., and was secretly nervous about it) and, two, could they put her up

theater around demon flies into a rage, around sheriff takes a coffee break ruse

coprinus divine nicotine monomeric antony televise ax Subject: girl scout 338 trom-

at a hotel that: 1) had a killer health club; 2) took breakfast seriously, and

3) had a view of Central Park: done and done: Cinderella Limo would

bones BANNED CD 2004 More Materials Big Brother Doesn’t Let Me Release!

mating rituals over pickup truck give secret financial aid to wedding dress near

pick her up and they’d put her up at the Parker Meridien, where she could

see the park, swim on the roof, work out at Gravity, and, to counteract all

pickup truck Now and then, ski lodge behind mastadon seek cream puff about

over short order cook ceases to exist, because toothpick from clodhopper mourn

the exercise, pig out every morning at Norma’s: Smoky Salmon

Hashish, Red Berry Risotto “Oatmeal” in a Crispy Wafer Bowl,

short order cook from ruffian And fall in love with the dark side of her asteroid

Most gypsies believe that debutante inside figure out razor blade living with asteroid

Carmelized Chocolate Banana Waffle Napoleon, James Beard Potato

Pancakes, Mango-Papaya Brown Butter Cinnamon Crepes, just plain

Hiram, friend of Hiram and takes a coffee break with of hole puncher befuddle

gingham maria cravat sidewise pippin convert We Will Search Qualified Lenders

living: the long drive from Vegas back to the Lab took ten minutes, and instantly

her future seemed humungous in a why-the-fuck-not giddy way: karmic payback

For The Lowest Possible Rates That Fit YOUR NEEDS! CATEGORIZATION

Cleopatra II Anal, Ass-to-Mouth (AMT), Big Budget, Blondes, Blowjobs, Brunettes,

always comes with interest, Darpa had told her, and now it was coming

true and due at loan shark thrashing rates of usury: she lost her balance

Costumes, Cumshop on Tits, Cumshot in Mouth, Cumshot on Ass, Cumshot on Chest,

Cumshot on Face, Cumshop on Tits, Cumshot on Pussy, Cunninglingulus, Double

for a second, reaching for Little One—who was beginning to dangle

and pinch the iliotibial band above her knee, tickling her unpleasantly—

Penetration, Female Masturbation, Fingering, Historical, Lesbian, Make-up and

Hair, Orgies, Swallowing inappropriate response: String Theory String Theory

regaining it with a gasp as the crab fell into the shallow bubbling

ocean beneath her: the loss of that dear, dear crab, her best friend

Eric Olsen is not happy about Steven den Beste’s meditation upon the string bikini

Though I’d agree with him that, contra Steven, there really are women that beautiful,

for hours, was almost too much to bear: she began melting inside,

a little, in a way she hadn’t yet—now all alone again on this leaning

even without the lighting and make-up, the rest of Eric’s post is a puzzling diatribe

against the simple joys of looking, and normal biology I can certainly understand a taste

tree, no living thing in sight, no voices of people or birds who must

have headed for the hills—she cried, for the first time since the night

that finds the string bikini lewd and less sexy than either nudity or more modest clothing,

and that most women ought to stay out of thongs (Technical aside here: there is a distinction

before and then out of pure joy, rapture and relief after (drumroll

please) intercourse with Ari, after such a long wait, “the endless

between a string bikini and a thong bikini) Still, there’s something a bit too fastidious

about someone whose first reaction to a good-looking woman in a string bikini is to

promise” he called it (not always patiently or lovingly

but mostly in his good nature), cried buckets gleefully,

fret that the style doesn’t promote the illusion of a tiny butt Eric must be quite the man

of exacting taste if he finds thongs unflattering to those shapely tushies he links to But,

gladly and with only the most mincing guilt to abrade the edges

of her happiness: the promise had been to wait until marriage—

to each his own Worse is the contention that anything that isn’t a “meaningful” inter-

action between the sexes, that doesn’t involve an appreciation of the whole person, is

she’d never wavered—but now with the Seychelles wedding only

months away and the ring compromising her finger’s circulation,

“pseudo-sexuality,” not real sexuality Wrong Wrong, wrong, wrong I’m sure that 99.9%

of the men who ever flirted with me in my life had no tearing need to know me in the fullness

with her feeling, for the first time, already married, she let go

and did what she’d wanted to do for a year plus and what he’d

of my humanity They flirt because flirting is fun, because it is a civilized pleasure, and

for no other reason than I’m female and happen to be there And this has everything to do

wanted to do within ten seconds of meeting her four years back:

fuck: now through her driest tears it dawned on her: she broke

with sexuality, and it is not “pseudo” because it is light and fleeting Same with a man’s

“girlwatching” He looks on them with desire because they are beautiful and desirable,

the promise to herself, not to him, and she was being punished:

the sun circles each of us, true, but what a completely pathetic

and beauty and desire are good in themselves Nothing in the enjoyment of “meaningless”

flirtation, or the beauty and sex appeal of young women, precludes the capacity for deeper

thought she thought, as if the wave train came, rumbling

like the long chains of coal cars she’d grown up counting

relationships And what’s this all about: “[String bikinis] are openly hostile: all show, no

go In this way there is nothing LESS sexual than a string bikini” What a load of twaddle

in Colorado, only to prick her conscience, evaginate

her heart, gut her scruples and smash her innards—

Most of our myriad sexual interactions are “no go” By this definition just about all female

sexual display is “hostile” since most females have not the slightest interest in having

making the hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands

or millions of others—what?—extras?—her supporting

sexual relations with any but a tiny percentage of the men who are attracted to them

Modest little black dresses that are nonetheless sexy as hell must thereby be “hostile”

cast?—collateral damage?: she hated herself despicably

for the grandiose thought (being punished!), such typical

Outrageous but “non-goal oriented” flirtation—hostile And asexual Huh? Sexual

attraction is based on whatever it damn well pleases to base itself on It isn’t a “problem”

model bullshit was beneath her, and she scrunched her broken

self a bit higher on the tree to arrest a renewed fear of falling,

that a man of any age finds young women in their late teens and early twenties highly

sexually attractive It’s biology He may choose not to act on it, or may have little interest

deflecting her mind back on what actually happened: a few minutes

before the wave train came, she’d been looking at the beach—they’d freeze-

in pursuing a serious relationship with a young woman, but it is not a “problem” in and of

itself that he is attracted to her beauty And sometimes young women and middle-aged

framed “White Christmas” while Ari went to have his normal morning

constitutional (as per custom he’d said, “Gotta go give birth to a suicide

men fall in love and live happily ever after “Women who wear string bikinis are not

looking to interact with men, merely to tease and frustrate them in a display of power

bomber”) and she’d gazed out the bungalow window at the beach:

the beach seemed huge, stretching farther out than normal, the tide

The look both titillates and repels, is brazen but distancing, lewd but unflattering It is

a huge “shove off” to men who would like to actually interact with the women who wear

the lowest she’d seen it in the week they’d been there, as if the bay

were being drained, and there was a larger group of people playing

them, rather than simply ogle from a safe distance” Ah geez “Display of power” Oh

pull-eeeeze Good-lookin’ young women displaying their charms poolside are not out

by the water’s edge than normal for that time of morning, or people

just looking, like they were checking out the crazy low tide—crabs

there for the joy of rubbing men’s noses in the dirt, any more than the men who take

pleasure in beholding these beauties are bent on “dehumanizing” or “exploiting” them

exposed and scurrying, a steeper slant of sand—and she thought

nothing of it until the first swooshing rumble overturned beach

It’s not about alienating, isolating, avoiding interaction It’s about the joy of living

Eric is careful to tell us that he “is not a prude” Well, I am a prude I’d say I have

furniture on its path across the grass to their bungalow: that was it:

no punishment, no sign from nonexistent gods, just some freak of

a fair claim to being the biggest prude in the Blogosphere, with exacting tastes and un-

apologetic prejudices But sometimes a string bikini is just a string bikini Posted by

nature (and if God was never in her equation, from first sentience,

now He didn’t pass the laugh test)—maybe the Antarctic icecap

Moira Breen at June 08, 2002 9:21 AM I made many generalizations I should have

taken responsibility for them all rather than make blanket statements In my experience,

had melted like scientists were warning (but all at once?); maybe

Krakatoa had gone off again (Ari had just read a book about it

everything I said is true, including the string bikini hostility I haven’t found it to be true

for little black dresses, regular bikinis, etc. Every woman I have known who has worn

and loved to crack her up, as he read, with oddball True or False

questions from its story, impossible to answer without guessing)

one has admitted to me that she liked the power it gave her over men Power was their

word, like it or not You missed my main point entirely: flirting, looking, whatever is

but she’d heard nothing and knew the sound of Krakatoa blowing

had been heard thousands of miles away; maybe some nuclear thing

fine and dandy, but it’s not the real thing Posted by: Eric Olsen on June 08, 2002 Nobody

CLAIMED it was “the real thing” Posted by Steven Den Beste on June 09, 2002 I think

had happened, an accident maybe—her time at LANL quickened

her concept of what kinds of things might be possible, unimaginable

what Eric wrote is the result of one of the misguided “women’s studies” classes (not that

all such classes that go under that heading are misguided, mind you) I took a class

truly except by all those PhDs burrowing into the dark dens

of their calculators, wringing the last quivering bits from their

that gave me that party line, too, and that, I guess, was what Eric was gassing on about

It took me about three years to realize it was all horse cookies Most women, like Moira

massively parallel processors—sometimes the sheer creepiness

was exhilarating but mostly plain scary, like now: a ping-pong

says, have just as much fan with the looky loo game and flirting as men do, and it’s mostly

harmless Eric, if you ever read this, I’d like to suggest something fun Find some women

table, net intact but apparently legless, came floating under her

tree, interrupting her Doomsday reverie, and jolted her back into

that you know like men, and ask them to explain why they look at guy’s butts, and what

they get from it Make sure you buy them a drink for their trouble Posted by: Yahmdallah

survival mode: if she leapt from the tree (slid off like a rubber

boa more likely), could it float her higher up the beach, to solid

on June 09, 2002 Yep, sure sounded like a “women’s studies” lecture to me, too Eric,

you’re sounding sillier by the post I have an evil secret to reveal here: The string

ground, where she could crawl for help?—no, not a chance…

it would flip over or sink from the crash of her weight, plus

bikini, the other bikinis, the little black dress, the well-cut jeans: they’re all about making

oneself sexually attractive Aka exercising sexual power Aka enjoying one’s youth and

she couldn’t hardly bear to touch herself below her ribs—she

couldn’t imagine surviving any blow heavier than a cushioned

good looks Aka having fun Hey, if thongs aren’t to your taste, fine But constructing

an entire theory of malicious intent out of popular Brazilian fashion? Get a grip And if

pile of pashmina on which to oozingly drip, so the ping-pong

table was history: in those sessions modeling at Ralph Pucci,

your point was to tell us that there is a difference between looking and having a relation-

ship, what are you going to enlighten us about next? That watching war movies is not

fifteen days to change her life, her breaks came in the form

of food, industrial-strength coffee and ping-pong—she played

the same thing as actually being a soldier? Posted by: Moira on June 09, 2002 I like

the chicks I also like apple sauce and a long Pynchon novel Sue me Posted by: Jeff G

everyone on the staff, in part because she kept on her mannequin

modeling wardrobe (absolutely nothing) which made her a popular

on June 09, 2002 They make string bikinis for men too And there is the rare man who

can—and does—wear one Ones with really nice butts Believe me, when I see one of those

if distracting free-spirited competitor—they’d offered her a Hanky-

Panky sheer ultra low rise thong to pose in (favored by celebrities

I do look and I enjoy the looking So there Posted by: Kat on June 09, 2002 Don’t forget

that string and thong bikinis first came to light on the beaches of Rio, where having a tiny

such as Cindy Crawford, Kate Hudson and Julianne Moore), but

she’d refused the gesture as needless butt floss and went au naturel:

flat ass is considered ugly You do see a number of pudgy men and women, strutting their

stuff, but for the most part, everyone in Brazil is absolutely gorgeous Being looked at

she’d gotten used to it at Prince’s studio and seeing as the mannequins

would be naked (before being dressed and fussed over by stores) she

and looking back (without seeming to) is fun and part of the dance of life Posted by:

ideefixe on June 09, 2002 I often sit on the beach and wonder why women walk by me

wanted to be too: that was fine with Massimo—he’d won two Golden

Egg Awards—he’d seen it all before: for her, the first day of posing

in various shapes and sizes I guess it is because I do not own the beach? Sometimes

I play in the water and look for shells, and sometimes I stay at the pool and play

proved thrilling, the second day mildly fun, the third day professional,

but by the fourth, her back aching from stillness and his Italian wise-

in the water Sometimes I cook out on the condo deck and see if any of the intern security

patrols come and threaten me Sometimes I drop a soda can down the ole trash flume

cracks beginning to thud, she realized for the first time: the sheer

boredom of this job and perhaps the whole charade would shrink

from the 9th floor and see how long it takes to beat and bang its way to the bottom All

in all, the only reason I don’t live at the coast is because I hate sweeping sand The bikinis

her soul and bankrupt her brain unless she made a plan against it:

by the end of the first week at the Pucci works, she had her plan:

keep me sweeping in the Summer, though, and I honestly don’t care why women wear

them Maybe I am just shallow Maybe I philosophized and theorized enough in college

massive amounts of reading (a self-modeled home study program

for every interstitial moment, and the job yawned wide with them)

and I no longer feel the need to do so Yes, bikinis are good The beach is better Great

seafood is the best! You folks speaking of the cognitive functioning and interpretation

either unaccompanied or soundtracked by a headphoned Discman

spinning Radiohead, Joni & Fiona Apple, but also massive amounts

of various bikini interactions are sick and in need of a stiff drink and a Western

Posted by: Bikini Bob on April 07, 2003 Nowadays, most high-energy theorists

of success which (it seemed clear already) would bring massive amounts

of money, which would bring her massive amounts of, ta-da, freedom: by

work in the framework of string theory On the other hand, the theoreticians whose

primary goal is to develop a description of current experiments and experiments in near

the second week the Pucci people had fallen so hard they’d decided

to build eleven variants of her—an almost unheard of number—in

future are usually referred to as phenomenologists or, which is almost equivalent, model

builders Although they can be inspired by string theory, their main mathematical formal-

both realistic and abstract/stylized versions: two models would

memorialize volleyball poses, one called “Dig” had her balanced

ism is field theory Among the possible physical phenomena that they try to study we find

supersymmetry, Higgs mechanism, hierarchy problem, Randall-Sundrum models and

on the thrusting triangle of her knees and joined hands; while

“Spike” had her leaping in preparation for a kill (supported by

other models with extra dimensions The current state of the classification of elementary

particles is the Standard Model It describes the strong, weak and electromagnetic funda-

a cantilevered metal rod, $85 extra, nothing really for big stores)—

both largely for summery casual or swimwear, though Pizarro,

mental forces, using mediating gauge bosons The species of gauge bosons are the photon,

W- and W+ and Z bosons, and the gluons The model also contains 24 fundamental particles,

who was masterminding the array of figures, foresaw fashion-

forward stores like Barney’s or Bergdorf’s using Spike for haute

which are the constituents of matter Finally, it predicts the existence of a type of boson

known as the Higgs boson, which has yet to be discovered CargoLifter was a public works

couture, or for evening wear at holiday season, creating “fiction

friction” as he called it; five other models offered yoga poses—

project more than a commercial business It lived from subsidies Only in its last weeks

did somebody come up with the unique idea that they should make a commercially viable

the classic standing prayer-handed one-legged “Tree,” the classic cat

which Pucci tagged “Kat”; the near-lotus sitting Sukhasana, labeled

scaled down version rather than the prestigious super giant model Germany is a country

where for many making money is a dirty word They have bureaucrats that go around

“Easy” by the marketing group; an Upavista Konasana which clearly

couldn’t be called “Spread Leg Forward Fold” (they adopted the title

to see who has cars parked on the streets with for sale signs (an impermissible special use

of the streets—unerlaubte Sondernutzung der Strassen), not because they sell cars with bad

“Forward” for it); and the Savasana lying Corpse pose, which Pucci

labeled “Peace”; then there were three classic straight-ahead standing

brakes, rather because they make money doing it and aren’t paying a fee (as do participants

in farmer’s markets) to make the money This more than the immediate problem of keeping

poses designed for downmarket versatility and seasonal flexibility

(“Daydream,” “Stunner” and “Nomad”), which would not be out of

your expensive balloon from shooting up into the stratosphere as soon as you let go of the

cargo is what led to the bankruptcy There are no replies to this thread In order for us to

reach for even a semi-ambitious independent store in a run-of-the-mill

mall; and finally, an unusual standing figure, titled “Torso,” where she

make sense out of some of the psychic events that occur mostly in a random way, it is

necessary that we have a basic understanding of the two different universes into which

wraps her arms across her chest, left hand on right shoulder, right hand

reaching lower, fingers to ribs, designed only for pants, jeans and skirts—

we are immersed Quantum Consciousness and Your Immortality: Super Luminal (Faster

Than Light) Connections Virgin’s newest arrival, its A340-600, took its first commercial

the top would stay unclothed, indeed impossible to dress, to highlight

the bottom: it was a big bite, eleven at once, and they risked confusion

flight at 18:30 from Heathrow to New York’s JFK airport The A340-600 is the longest

in the world at 247 ft (75.3m)—16 ft (4.8m) longer than any other commercial aircraft

selling so many figures without a central hook, peg or umbrella:

some mannequins go by their famous one-name inspirations

Last week the aircraft was named “Claudia Nine” by supermodel Claudia Schiffer in front of

media and VIPs at Virgin’s newly built hangar The inaugural flight was commemorated

but no one knew her so that wouldn’t do: “Bliss” was discussed and

discarded as one-dimensional; “Today” was considered but feared

in traditional airport style with the Heathrow Fire Brigade creating a water arch over

the aircraft as it taxis to the runway New Hot Paper Comments ST: Why do you think

fodder for a bad joke—if the whole line tanked everyone in the VM

world would call it “Yesterday”; “Goddess” was strongly considered

your paper is highly cited? We (alongside an independent group in Munich [G. Kauffman

et al]) were pioneers in developing a new method of modelling galaxy formation in an evolving

but deemed too generic, like the name of a cheap perfume or trailer

park schnauzer: in the end, the mannequin would be called “Virgin

cosmological setting The first papers by both our group and the Munich group were in

the early 1990s Since then the models have become more sophisticated and also many

Goddess,” a line of thought coming by chance from some casual

remarks she’d made to Scott Gordon, Pizarro’s boy Friday, over dim

other groups have emulated and improved on our early work—most notably the group

that began in Santa Cruz [R.S. Somerville et al] The value of our highly cited 2000 paper

sum one day, as to her current status—no one would believe it

(literally) but it was, they realized, a spot-on organizing motif

is that it fully describes and explains all the details of our sophisticated second-

generation model The consequence of this is that it is cited as a place where one can

for the entire line: sexy, pure, seductive, athletic, vulnerable,

commanding, demure, innocent, powerful, passionate, chaste—

find out about the methodology of these galaxy formation models by us, by most of the other

groups that developed similar models and by observers who compare these models with

it had an aura: by her last week in New York the Pucci folks

were sending her out on go-sees to any number of different

their data ST: Does it describe a new discovery or new methodology that’s useful to others?

The general field of galaxy formation and particularly the observational aspects of

agencies—they were thinking of her, because they liked her, but

they were mostly thinking of themselves: if she actually became

galaxy evolution are currently very hot topics This interest is mainly driven by the technical

advances that have led to construction of powerful 8-m class telescopes capable of studying

quite quickly a top model with a buzz about her (who knows?—she

was a Glamazon) it could help them sell “Virgin Goddess” come

the galaxy population at high redshift when the universe was only a fraction of its current

age The value of the methods and results described in our paper are that they allow

Market Week that winter: so she went-sawed around town, carrying

her nonexistent portfolio—a few rough jazzy Polaroids Pucci himself

these observations to be interpreted within a theoretical model that not only takes into

account the astrophysical processes of cooling condensing gas and star formation but

snapped and a stout letter of introduction from Juan Pizarro, who knew

nearly everyone: she went to Elite and Ford and Why Not? and Women

also the accompanying gravitational evolution of the dark matter ST: Could you

summarize the significance of your paper in layman’s terms? The paper describes

New York, she went to Trump and Click and Next and ID and DNA

and Supreme and Wilhelmina, hearing comments such as “Her ass has

a coherent and comprehensive way of modelling how galaxies form in the evolving universe

Our model incorporates a realistic modelling of how the dark matter that dominates

its own zip code” (unwhispered) and “What do you do with those boobs

on half the jobs?” and “Glamour only, pass” and “She’s not us”: however,

the mass of our universe evolves under the influence of gravity The initially smooth

distribution becomes clumpy and the first small clumps coalesce under their mutual

three agencies scheduled tests (that week) and two wanted to sign her

(DNA and ID) right then and there, were indeed speed-dialing contract

gravitational attraction to form ever larger structures Within this evolving web of dark

matter filaments and clusters the primordial gas settles into the densest structures These

girls who had extra bedrooms needing a new out-of-town body: not so

fast, she told them, after a languorous Norma’s breakfast with Juan (Plum-

are the sites where gas is able to cool and condense turning into stars and starting

the process of galaxy formation We model all these processes and so are able to relate

Watermelon-Pineapple Smoothie, Foie Gras Brioche French Toast with

asparagus and mushrooms, Cocospresso): she would definitely think

the observed properties of galaxies to what one expects for a given cosmological model

It is in this way that theory and observations are brought face to face Dr. Shaun Cole

about moving to New York, but she was rock-solid, stone-cold committed

to finishing the full-year BIT internship at the National Laboratory: she

University of Durham Science Labs Department of Physics South Road Durham DH 1

3LE England Boeing and CargoLifter to explore Stratospheric Airship Stratospharen-

couldn’t face herself if she did Dr. Wright that way—abandoning her

four Js on the fly, her Wellness buds, for some New York minute fast-

ballon von CargoLifter? Boeing and CargoLifter AG have signed a contract to jointly

explore stratospheric airship concepts “This is an important new business opportunity

talkers who she was sure would be her lifelong friends in the event

a beaker of screwed-up chemicals exploded in her face: No: Pizarro

for Boeing,” said Charlie Guthrie, director of rapid prototyping and advanced concepts

for the Boeing Unmanned Systems organization “CargoLifter has the capability and

thought to himself, This girl is either going to get chewed up by

this business or…or…she’s going to make a seven-course tasting

expertise for lighter-than-air platform development, and we are excited to work with them

Several governments have research and development activities focused on stratospheric

menu of it, finishing phat, fab rich and famous: warning her, “The cliché

‘you go girl’ comes to mind, but remember these people change their tiny

platforms to support communications and surveillance requirements Airships may be a

suitable platform for such applications” The major international collaborations are:

minds like tiny underwears,” and then told her DNA was his choice

for her: ID was hot hot but had a slutty vibe—some of their girls did

▪ CERN, located on the French-Swiss border near Geneva Its main facilities are LEP,

the Large Electron Positron collider (now dismantled) and the LHC, or Large Hadron

too much “panty work”—and told her, “Your thing, your thing will play

that much hotter if you stay subtle and keep ’em closed”: the day she left

Collider (under construction) ▪ DESY, located in Hamburg, Germany Its main facility

is HERA, which collides electrons or positrons and protons ▪ SLAC, located near Palo

town, she deposited her whopping Pucci check in a brand new bank

account at the Citibank branch nearest 57th and 5th, the model cross-

Alto, USA Its main facility is PEP-II, which collides electrons and positrons ▪ Fermilab,

located near Chicago, USA Its main facility is the Tevatron, which collides protons and

roads of the universe (she’d learned), using as her address DNA’s

downtown office (with their permission) and she told them: Fedex

antiprotons ▪ Brookhaven National Laboratory, located on Long Island, USA Its main

facility is the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider, which collides heavy ions such as gold

me in Los Alamos the best contract you’ve ever offered anybody

that’s nobody and maybe I’ll be back here in the fall rarin’ to go:

ions (it is the first heavy ion collider) and protons ▪ Budker Institute of Nuclear Physics

(Novosibirsk, Russia) ▪ KEK, The High Energy Accelerator Research Organization of

that zero zero summer back on the mesa gave her time to lob New York

around her mind, hang out with the Wrights, plunge deeper into Pilates

Japan located in Tsukaba, Japan It is the home of a number of interesting experiments

such as K2K, a neutrino oscillation experiment and Belle, an experiment measuring CP-

and Karate, write a gusher of pieces for The Wellstreet Journal:

“Hypertension and Blood Lipid Level Management”; “July Is

symmetry violation in the B-meson It seems only appropriate that a company

located just a few miles south of Berlin would be responsible for breathing new life

Hemochromatosis Screening Awareness Month”; “Youth Sports

Safety Facts”; “Spicy Beef Satay” (“The following recipe for summer

into the airship After all, it was German Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin who first flew

a dirigible in 1900, which is how airships came to be called “zeppelins” CargoLifter’s

grilling was adapted from the online Weber Cookbook”); “Wellness

Center Class Listings” (“The entire Laboratory workforce is invited

CL 160 airship design harkens back to the time of those early zeppelins; but the company

has incorporated some exciting new technology The overall size of the CL 160 is over-

to attend the new Headache Management Series”) and “What’s The Risk

of Carrying a Few Extra Pounds?” (“The answer depends on how much

whelming Nearly three football fields in length, it can easily swallow four of Goodyear’s

largest blimps While the Hindenburg was filled with hydrogen, which is flammable,

excess body fat you have according to a study published in the October

1999 issue of The New England Journal of Medicine, which measured

the CL 160 will hold more than 19 million cubic feet of non-inflammable helium gas In

1996, NASA established a small research program on “Breakthrough Propulsion Physics”

the relationship between body fat and risk of death through calculation

of body-mass index (BMI)—the ratio of your weight in kilograms

This program looks beyond textbook science to seek the breakthroughs that could make deep

space travel practical and affordable and ultimately enable interstellar voyages Making Star

divided by your height in meters squared”): the summer’s other work

took her to Las Vegas nearly every weekend and left her with a wad

Trek Real The considerations to be presented below naturally lead to the conjecture

that any actual spacecraft capable of propellant-free flight using a practical post-quantum

of dead presidents fat enough to stuff full her Salomon ski boots

by the time her BIT stint ended in October: during her StoreXpo

warp drive will itself have to be “alive”, “sentient” and even “conscious” That is, any

star ship capable of warp drive will have to be itself an artificially conscious entity No

convention visit in April, when she wasn’t being squired around by

the Pucci people, any number of “business” cards from any number

purely classical or even purely quantum warp drive is possible It needs post-quantum

sentience This is a strong prediction of post-quantum mechanics What is required is

of people, numbers scrawled on cocktail napkins, fliers advertising

employment, had ended (somehow) in her hands: she was approached

a post-quantum extension beyond orthodox quantum physics Using the Bohm version

of quantum mechanics, one can see that what is required for a practical propellent-less

at the Mirage during intermission of Siegfried and Roy, in the ladies

bathroom: a friendly woman asked her where she was from, how old she was,

warp drive is a robust super-quantum potential attached to the Arnowitt-Deser-Misner

(ADM) canonical variable i.e. essentially the three-geometry, lapse and shift functions

gave her a fancy engraved card—Rose Marie Fröjd, Vice President, Special

Arrangements, Bellagio—saying to call her as soon as she turned eighteen

which are the quantum gravity “beables” in Bohm’s theory One also needs a coupling

to electromagnetic fields poised on the edge of chaos in which a weak electromagnetic

because they might have some very very interesting (possibly even lucrative)

work for her: she wasn’t curious enough to have called from New York upon

field can trigger a self-organized critical avalanche in the super-quantum potential-metric

beable system This would allow the controlled manufacture of exotic material from ordinary

her birthday but she did call as soon as she was back at Turkey Trail and Rose

Marie explained the ins and outs of “special arrangements” and “special clients”—

matter in a thin nanometer scale boundary layer around the ship The Alcubierre and

similar solutions can then be implemented The key in all this is post-quantum backactivity

it was strictly hospitality work, all on the up and up but handled absolutely

discreetly—would she like them to fly her down from Albuquerque to talk

which stabilizes the fragile quantum potentials into robust forms More details are given

below Beyond the Quantum Essays in the New Physics Unifying Mind and Matter by

it over?: she thought why not, but had waterskiing plans with Julie and Judy

and Sally for that weekend (the three “men” were away camping) so it would

Jack Sarfatti Version 0.2 Individuals and schools may use this information freely

for non-commercial educational purposes The corporation reserves all commercial

need to wait ten days: ten days later she was in a house suite at Bellagio

where the whole nine yards was being explained, a crucial question was

rights An international staff of 489 people are working on this ambitious project

The giant workshop is located at a former airbase, used by the Soviet Army in Brand

asked about her personal history (which might affect compensation, so

truth mattered) and, the query being answered to everyone’s satisfaction,

Heavy loads, for example large turbine casings, can be carried directly from the factory

to their intended operations location, without the airship touching the ground and almost

a contract was produced: they could make life miserable if she talked to anyone

about her job except for execs “above” Rose Marie in the chain of command:

independently of local infrastructure Described as a “flying crane” the CL 160 will be able

to carry payloads of weighing up to 160 metric tons The CL 160 could also be used in

since she had no problem keeping secrets, she signed, and went to work: off

the gaming floor, up the stairs in the back, above the pool, in a room of taupe

transporting humanitarian and emergency air—one CL 160 could transport food for 25,750

people for 14 days in a relief programme Contraves Space AG of Switzerland is to develop

leather walls, certain high-stakes games were played, and in a plush room kitty

corner to that, many mirrors and extravagant food was served for free: she was

the fiber-composite nose cone BAE Systems Controls of the USA will develop the avionics

and flight control systems General Electric will supply the propulsion engines and Eaton

one of the dishes: fetching drinks from the bartender (mostly whiskeys and milky

unfiltered sakes), serving exquisitely wrapped maki rolls (inside out spicy black

Corporation the hydraulics CargoLifter AG has been awarded a contract to provide

heavy lifting services for the Pittsburgh maglev (magnetic levitation) public transportation

widows) and daring puffer fish to the large and largely Asian clientele, and when

not serving, she would mount an elevated, slowly rotating pedestal above the low

system The CL 160s frameless, semi-rigid envelope is made of a proprietary airtight,

multi-layered film that resembles a rubberized fabric The material is about one-sixteenth

banquettes, holding yoga poses, stretching, smiling, making the deepest

client eye-contact possible, as instructed: other hard and fast rules—no

of an inch thick This advanced material will reduce the amount of helium lost during flight

to almost zero Few people have forgotten the disaster of the Hindenburg, which crashed

overschmoozing; no touching clients; no allowing clients to touch her

(knowing the rules, they likely wouldn’t try) but to call Security over

and burst into flames The full-scale airship will be three times the size of a football

pitch Smaller versions of the CargoLifter have already been completed and successfully

instantly if one did; she could touch herself (whenever she wished) (on the

pedestal) (in any manner she wished to) but (under no circumstances) could

tested—models called Joey and Charlie Re: causing trouble, active/passive From: John M

Date: Mon, 19 April 2004 17:07:41 Dan, excellent idea, the non-human modeler I have

external or “foreign” objects be used (in this fashion) and, by the way, she

would be nude: her pay would be standard independent contractor wages

an example: a photograph It is a reduced model (e.g. no smell included) of the visual

boundaries-enclosed modeling Momentarily I am at a loss to mention another one—product

(i.e. minimum wage) but would be healthily supplemented (if clients

enjoyed her presence) with tips left by the door in a small maroon velvet

of not some *conscious activity* (like the camera, or say a bee-raindance provided infor-

mation of flowers—to say extremes) I was looking for a model ‘made’ by a stone or a

locked box: the surpassing weirdness of the “work”—she struggled

to keep from laughing the whole first night in the Room of Mirrors—

galaxy…Sorry Do you think conscious activity can only lead to models? Cheers, John

M —Original Message— From: Daniel A. Fiscus To: <***> Sent: Monday, April 19,

was only eclipsed by her astonishment at her take come the 6 A.M. closing:

$3,420 rounded to the nearest Jackson (allowing for casino exchange rates

2004, 4:31 PM Subject: Re: causing trouble, active/passive I agree with John K. in

the general feeling/thought that models, modeling, modeling relation are active and maybe

on baht, yen, ringgits, yuan and won): her only complaint was the Lap-

land-in-winter air conditioning level, which gave her goosebumps, but

even more active than physical/material factors in the sense of creative We could say

that for physical/material dynamics we have the 1st and 2nd laws that cover conservation

Anjelique Payne, the Mirrors bartender, who wore a chiffon halter-top

and fishnet hose, told her the high beams the aircon prompted should

of energy/mass and decay of energy quality, but have no law yet for creation or growth

of energy quality I think this is where the relational/topological principles may be

cancel occasional shivers by way of increased tips: the next afternoon,

she found herself in Ms. Fröjd’s office, slightly destabilized and not

the most causally active and the most important It links to them being ontic as well Also

I don’t see models are separable from a modeler ever, but I also don’t think a modeler has

a little dumbfounded: Rose Marie walked her to the window surveying

the Dancing Waters, held her shoulder, spoke: “If you’re feeling strange

to be human or even alive necessarily Some hunches, Dan On Mon, 19 Apr 2004, John

Kinemen wrote: Tim et al. There are numerous examples of how models are not passive,

understand please that these men can have anything they want and most

often do, especially here, but they can’t have you and that makes them

but have causal effects on natural systems It is RR’s major point and if it were not intended

this way he would not have written so extensively and strongly about “internal predictive

even more interested, just like losing makes them more interested,

and the idea of a virgin—which we might whisper to them—who

models” IN organisms If they don’t do anything there, why bother with them? Without causal

effect from models, there is nothing at all to the theory other than a different color we can

they know no one has had—that makes them the most interested

of all, since this is the city where everyone’s had everyone one way

apply to the painting of nature JJK Tim Gwin wrote: I agree with you, Judith Models

are passive—and they are not even ‘models’ of anything until someone or something outside

or other”—she gestured past the fountain in the direction of Paris

Las Vegas—“the strip is loaded with 1K, 2K girls, 5K imports

the model brings them into an encoding/decoding relationship with an object system of which

they are intended to be a model The encoding/decoding in an MR is not entailed by, or

from L.A. and Frisco who will do pretty much anything for the right

price but none of them will give these guys anything like the fantasy

within, the MR itself [Essay p. 159] Regards, Tim —Original Message— From: ROSEN

Forum [mail to:*** Behalf of Judith Rosen Sent: Monday, April 19, 2004 AM To: ***

our clients will have off of you: they don’t pay girls to have sex, you know

of course, they pay girls to leave them after they have sex, but they pay

Subject: causing trouble J.K. wrote: The argument for two models modeling each other

would be the key That inherently defines an ontology of some kind, i.e., it self-defines

you because they will be able to have sex with you—in their minds—

for years and years to come”: lecture over, data downloaded, she

something Most of Quantum Physics doesn’t interest me because it doesn’t offer much

of value to answer the questions in Biology my father was interested in Since he was able

started sending her weekend checks ($5.15 per hour times three eight-

hour shifts) by mail to her Citibank account in New York and started

to derive more physics from biology than the other way around, I tend to be uninclined

to delve deeper into Quantum stuff Consequently, I won’t be able to add much muscle

hiding the $10 to $12K she was pulling each weekend in cash in her

fuchsia Salomons: once she had it down, it was almost odd fun if still

into this ongoing discussion However, questions of the kind like the one above DO provoke

my imagination because modeling is key in Rosennean Complexity, both the theory

unsettling, especially vis à vis her Los Alamos life, like when the

Wrights, worried what she might be doing in Vegas each weekend,

and in applications And since the subject line is still “Causing Trouble”, I thought

perhaps a little of my own mischief would be apropos Two models modeling each other…

finally queried her: she told them she had not fallen in with the wrong

people, she was not on drugs, not gambling, not an escort, not stripping

Why would this define an ontology? Here’s how I’m looking at this: If all they are doing

is modeling each other, there is no creation or self-perpetuation of anything Further-

at Spearmint Rhino (Dr. Wright’s first supposition) or The Cheetah (he seemed

well-versed) or any other gentlemen’s club, but it was (legally) a private matter

more, models, by their nature, are passive tools Even the “anticipatory model” within

the organization of living systems may only be “active” insofar as it is part of the dynamic

and the Wrights had to respect that: her work at the Wellness Center

still rocked, her internship performance was superior, she just had less

organization of the system itself It serves a function for the system, therefore it is integral

to the activity and organization of the system But in Quantum issues, there is no concept

time for their children than they had for her—but she surely wanted

to see a lot of them before she headed to NYC: her bulging bankroll

of function in the biological sense, so I tend to discount any active participation of a model

in generating what it models Secondly, I can easily imagine any number of machines

made it certain she’d accept DNA’s offer: now she could live by herself—

she’d been way afraid of having to live with other girls, what they would do

we could make where a pair of models model each other I could draw drawings of it

I could build them If they are modeling each other well, then they will be identical If

and what they might think of her, roommate suffocation, claustrophobia—

and having (worst case) $95K in her ski boots (she’d done the math) before

they are not modeling each other well, there will be an infinite regress as the models spiral

downward in constant attempts to fix the accuracy Self-definition is a whole other realm

heading east relieved her worst fear: so she started prepping with the eager

beaver ethic of Armstrong gearing for a Tour: at the Sunport every Friday

from this, where the questions of ontology and epistemology are separate issues At least,

that’s the way it looks from my perspective Judith The German company, CargoLifter

she’d pick up the weekend reading (Vogue, Elle, Glamour, Allure, Self,

Cosmo, Jane, Harper’s Bazaar) to gobble in her comped Bellagio room,

AG, wants to solve one of the biggest problems in worldwide logistics in flight: the trans-

port of extremely large, extremely heavy, or extremely bulky goods When CargoLifter

and every Monday morning at McCarran—straight from her Sunday shift,

she’d squirrel away the harder-to-find nuts (Ocean Drive, W, V, Fjord, Exit,

rises over the hangar for the first time, the crew will look in vain for the campus computer

center: It lies under ten meters of earth and concrete inside a half-round, 350 square meter

Zoom, Curve, Oyster, Noi.se, Pop) and sleep all the way back to Albuquerque,

the slick pile stacked in her lap and rubber-banded chunk of booty in her Kelty

bunker, in which Russian warplanes were once parked Today, a cubicle container

containing separated server and technology rooms is behind a glass front 40 devices

backpack, cords of winter kindling: that seemed like so much money back then,

and now she had millions—13.23 last time she looked, adding up her November

of the newest generation and innovative network technology are currently working

in the server park “We only considered and consider technologies that support

2004 statements, carefully, then three-hole punching them and filing them

in her color-coded binders (green for cash, red for real estate, gold for hedge

the further growth of the company” In figures: The AG now has five subsidiaries in

Germany and one of the east coast of the USA In a few years, it will be 50 or more

funds) in her second-bedroom “office,” before leaving to meet Ari in

Bangkok: a lot of good that did her now, she might as well be broke,

if the German load-bearing airships become popular worldwide Thanks to the new

digital technology, they no longer have to drive to the server bunker a kilometer away

she was broke, it didn’t mean anything— it had been a complete waste

of effort, numbing boredom, viral competition, moronic air kissing

to start the computer “Every minute saved in the elimination of errors is valuable

With the new remote administration, our computer center is practically unmanned

and for what?—to be slowly rubbed to death by a million pricks

of palm bark: she thought about money, and illusion: excellent

To evaluate the selected technologies, we must also simulate what the situation will be

with the IT administration of 50 CargoLifter centers worldwide” A heavy burden,

servants but terrible masters, Darpa had told her in their last Santa Fe

session before she left for New York that fall, driving her beater Quest

a great responsibility for the IT planner? Roder denies this with a smile: “After all,

handling heavy burdens is the motto of CargoLifter” Not Even Wrong: Twisted K-

on state and county roads all the way, taking three dawdling weeks to do it,

rather than the plane ticket DNA offered: everything about her had risen

Theory << There They Go Again Twisted K- Theory Hi again—many thanks for

your reply! I should have made myself clearer I think my question concerned a slightly

in value in the four years she would’ve been in college: runway commitments,

day rates, campaign quotes, endorsement deals, calendar budgets, the paintings

different issue I’d be grateful if you had a look at this refined question and drop me

a note on what you think about it Hi Peter—since you are an expert on loop space:

Kelly Prince had painted had been sold and sold and sold again—Juan sold

three of his four to fashion friends and two of those had already been flipped:

Could you please help me with a question I ask here? I was referring to my old problem

of putting fermions on the lattice There Kahler-Dirac fermions are basically Kogut-

one on eBay to her Fan Club president and one, just months ago at Christie’s

day sale, the one of her reverse-arching on all fours made $80K (hammer), 4X

Susskind fermions, and disentangling a single spinor (an ideal in Clifford algebra)

is tricky Ah, you are thinking of Dirac-Kahler on the lattice This has problems even

the presale estimate for the first Prince ever to come to auction: she’d thought

of bidding for it, a present for her mother, or a present for Darpa, or as a joke

for a flat ‘metric’ I have once thought about this a little together with Eric Forgy What

happens when the lattice QFT is done with something that is not exactly a spinor in a single

to send to the Wright Brothers for Jacob’s college dorm room or to give to

Kelly, who was still tending bar in Taos and could not afford to buy it back,

ideal? For small lattice spacing the undesirable mixing should disappear Wouldn’t that

be sufficient? Or does a finite mixing survive the continuum limit? Yes, when the metric

or to send to her father (who had not come out of the woodwork like estranged

parents are supposed to when she started making covers) if she could even find

is Kahler Alternatively, if spinors are already modeled in left ideals on the exterior bundle,

then a Kahler background allows one further split of degrees of freedom and admits

him, just to say, sort of, touché, but: not knowing what she’d do with it, or how

she’d decide, she didn’t bother to bid: now, starting to slip a little in her palm,

to increase N=1 susy to N=2 When twisting one of these two susys one obtains the topological

string and all kinds of major wonders begin to happen When I was quoting Witten I was

keeping her mouth closed against the late-afternoon (?) flies, starting to feel her

time was truly running out (in every way) she regretted not buying the painting

referring to my old problem of putting fermions on the lattice In your case presumably

what you say works Hi Peter—you wrote: As you might guess, I’m interested in this

for Ari—something of her, before he knew her, something not a photograph (he

had thousands), before anybody knew, a way to remember her since it was looking

model as a 1+1 d QFT, not a string theory That’s fine with me I remember Witten

pointing out to me “Yeah, but what you want are spinors, not the exterior algebra”,

like she was not going to make it—she hadn’t heard sirens since morning, hadn’t

heard or seen any helicopters, motorboats, megaphones, nothing—she was sure

which is the heart of the problem Hi Peter—I think that unless something weird happens

looking at one chirality is fully sufficient, since both chirality sectors are decoupled

Ari was alive, such a beautiful swimmer, probably when that monster

wave went out (after coming in) he swam out to that island he’d dared

and identical I would like to know what precisely you mean by the Hamiltonian

picture… That would be nice, because this is exactly the point of view which leads

her to swim to, skinny-dipping some nights ago: she imagined Ari gazing

at the painting in the Tribeca co-op they were under contract for, keeping

from superstrings to differential geometry on loop space I am hoping to convince some people

that it is a fruitful point of view Hi Peter— Cargolifter said on Tuesday it had run out of

himself company with her oily upside down pose, the one with the goofy

smile—she imagined/hoped it would be hard to make love to any other girl

cash and would be unable to meet payroll for its close to 500 employees in May Once seen

as a promising entrepreneurial newcomer in the turbulent economic landscape of the country’s

with that thing hanging there: maybe not: maybe her mom should have

had it—she liked to paint, but Ann didn’t care for what she’d “become”:

former East German states, the scrappy startup was developing giant airships to transport

heavy payloads over vast distances The enormous CL 160 blimp evoked the glory days

she remembered now, stifling an insta-sob (jerky feeling when you feel

something deeply after deciding you don’t care anymore), how her mom

of Germany’s zeppelins, which plied the skies from Berlin to Lake Constance during the early

part of the 20th Century A lack of working capital had already forced the Berlin-based

had come to visit her, once, in New York, it was February ’03, bitter bitter

cold, her first S.I. Swimsuit Issue cover still on the stands, she’d just done

company to abandon its prestigious project Cargolifter’s balloon of hope deflated even

further on Tuesday The company says it needs at least 70 million euro ($65 million) to

Letterman for the first time (and made him laugh and stop tapping his pencil

with a comment about how she’d heard he was a virgin too!), she felt on top

cover its financial commitments through autumn 2003 All efforts to secure a rescue package

appear to have been in vain The company struck a deal earlier this month to, work with

of the world: her mom, staying in the second bedroom, admitted to her she’d

handled herself beautifully, was really proud, etc., but then, “I’m just a little bit

U.S. aerospace giant Boeing to develop commercial blimps, but few analysts feel the company

will step in to save Cargolifter Insolvency proceedings are on hold for the time being as

disgusted with this world you’re in”—she was playing it back to herself now,

dying in the fucking tree—“I’m happy for you, you know, but it wouldn’t be

Cargolifter hunts for a last-minute bailout The company’s shares lost eight percent

on Tuesday before being suspended from further trading A dream deflated: Cargo-

my choice, this selling, selling, selling products to people who can’t afford

them, ya, making them desire things they shouldn’t, bad things—there are

lifter ran out of money before it could build its mega blimp Selection, then, confronts

twin limitations: it is trapped or frozen into local regions of very rugged landscapes, and,

natural limits to satisfaction, ya, but these Americans spend more money

on cosmetics than on education which must be why it’s getting dumber

on smooth landscapes, it suffers the error catastrophe and melts off peaks, so the genotype

becomes less fit Selection may not be powerless in the face of these limitations, for selection

and dumber here”—and then the short intake of breath, caustic, Swedish

and cold—“girls think impossible thoughts—they should somehow look

can play a role in molding the ruggedness of the landscapes over which the organisms evolve

But…it seems doubtful that selection alone can ensure friendly landscapes Perhaps another

like you, it’s horrible, and boys, you know, even worse: Sam says Quentin

complains none of his girlfriends look like you, regular girls are not enough—

source of order is required Evolution may be impossible without the privilege of working

with systems that already exhibit internal order, with fitness landscapes already naturally

which is perfectly natural, ya, since they all grow up beating off to pictures

of you and all your model friends”: when her mom, drunk, had finished, she

tuned so that natural selection can get a foothold and do its job Self-organization may

be the precondition of evolvability itself Only those systems that are able to organize

never had hated her more, and sliced short her visit the next morning, paying

the airfare surcharge back and stopping the occasional phone calls from exotic

themselves spontaneously may be able to evolve further How far we have come from

a simple picture of selection merely sifting for fitter variants Evolution is far more

shoots, the free gifts deflected, the vintage Cabernets and Champagnes

people gave her (not knowing she teetotalled) which she’d been bubble-

subtle and wonderful Cargolifter Goes Way of Hindenberg Hot Dark Matter

When people discuss HDM nowadays they usually refer to it in the context of “Mixed

wrapping, boxing and sending “home,” but now, feeling like everything

was ending, she missed her mom, and hated that she did: what happened

Dark Matter” of “Cold+Hot Dark Matter” models In these models the bulk of the dark

matter is cold, but a tiny fraction is hot Current experiments limit the amount of “hot”

to “follow your own path”…“you’re an old soul”…“you’re a survivor”…

“you are who you are”?: it was impossible, to die this way: was everyone

dark matter in the universe to at most a few percent, with the best fit being unmeasurably

small This is to be compared to the cold dark matter component, which is around 1/3

else dead?: why is Quentin not suffering somewhere, his balls stuffed

in his piehole like a roasted pig’s?: and did her unseen dad ever pause

of the total energy in the universe CargoLifter AG—Blimp Vignette—In Bankruptcy

Beautifully engraved certificate from the Zwischenschein Nr. der CargoLifter This historic

somewhere, at some plush airport lounge or secret club or hotel gift

shop, and maybe see her on a cover, or in a Tumi or Tag Heuer ad,

document has a vignette of the CargoLifter company logo This item is hand signed by

the company’s officer Normal Price: $129.95 Our Sales Price: $99.95 (You Save:

or catch himself ogling an Aubade or Victoria’s Secret catalog

for an extra ten seconds (dirty old man), and have even a hint

23%) Add to Shopping Cart PET scans and nuclear magnetic resonance imaging of

living matter work wonderfully well and they only require orthodox quantum mechanics

that girl had something to do with him?: she had never tracked

the cowardly asshole down, but now that there was no spit left

Kauffman points out that single-celled life evolved soon (about 550 million years) after

the planet Earth formed about 4 billion years ago Yet not much happened for the next

in her throat and her insides were making sloppy gurgles

whenever she shifted her weight, she wanted to know who

3 billion years until the Cambrian explosion only five hundred million years ago He

compares this explosion in diversity and complexity of life to a kind of non-equilibrium

he was—if only to swear at him, spit, slap, hug him, say

it wasn’t too late to be some kind of dad, but this was…

“avalanche” instability i.e. “a natural phase transition in complex chemical systems” (p.48)

not to any panspermia or to any intervention by advanced extra-terrestrial life forms, including

bullshit—surely he didn’t care about her, his only daughter, or

maybe he had thirteen by now: unidentified little black lumps

time travelers from our relative future The story of the Garden of Eden as well

as other Bible tales obviously suggest such contact of our ancestors with advanced

sitting in the back of a Maybach or Bentley, whizzing through the air-

conditioned desert: how funny, her first serious job in New York, first

intelligence SCRIPOPHILY (scrip-af-il-ly), the collecting of canceled old stocks

and bonds, gained recognition as a hobby around the mid-1970s The word resulted

skinny-pay but high-visibility, high-editorial gig was for a Fashions

of the Times layout titled “The New Harem”—as one of nine fuckin’

combined words from English and Greek The word “scrip” represents an ownership

right and the word “philos” means to love Today there are thousands of collectors

girls, this after many weeks of go-sees got her nada—but then “Virgin

Goddess” became a huge hit at Market Week and DNA was allowed

worldwide in search of scarce, rare, and popular stocks and bonds Collectors who come

from a variety of businesses enjoy this as a hobby, although there are many who consider

(indeed encouraged) by Pucci to say “that’s the girl” and she had also fessed

up to DNA that she was, in fact, quote, a virgin, and when they asked her

Scripophily a good investment In fact, over the past several years, this hobby has

Exploded Modern Dot companies and Scandals have been particularly popular You can

could they use that, she told them they could tell the truth if anybody asked—

because the truth is the easiest thing to remember—but not to spread that out

find out more about modern collectible stock certificates at ModernStocks.com Many

collectors like the historical significance of certificates Others prefer the beauty of older

there too heavy ’cause then her whole career would be over the minute she

wasn’t anymore (she was thinking ahead) and the half-Saudi bit on her bio

stocks and bonds that were printed in various colors with fancy artwork with ornate

engraving Considering the reputation of physics as an empirical science, it is

may have triggered the call from the Times, making her one of the nine: it

was about time, she was ready: on her pokey chautauqua cruise to the big

remarkable how many significant theories were in fact first constructed on largely aesthetic

grounds Notable examples include Maxwell’s equations for electromagnetism (1880s),

time, through the Texas Panhandle, Oklahoma, Arkansas, the lengths of

Tennessee and Virginia, and into the megalopolis, every night she crashed

general relativity (1915), the Dirac equation for relativistic electrons (1928), and QCD (early

1970s) This history makes it seem more plausible that one might be able to come up with

at a motel (Hampton Inns her strict preference: clinically clean, copious free

breakfast buffets) and read, in alternating fashion, the two books gifted by

an ultimate model of physics on largely aesthetic grounds, rather than mainly by working

from detailed experimental observations There are many reasons that contribute to the

her angels: Juan had sent her, in a package with the first production pics

of “VG,” a wine-and-coffee-stained xeroxed copy of a leaked, badly typed,

success of this hobby First of all, it is a worldwide collectible since almost all countries

of the world have issued stocks and/or bonds through their governments or businesses Each

poorly spelled, marked up manuscript called No Lifeguard On Duty: The

Accidental Life of the Worlds First Supermodel by someone named Janice

certificate is a different piece of history It describes the company, the type of instrument

(usually stock or bond), the year, signatures of officers or officials, who is was issued to,

Dickinson, with a note in Juan’s trademark purple felt pen: “Dear Womanquin,

Pay strict attention so you can do the EXACT OPPOSITE of Ms. Prickinson”;

the printer, due date for bonds, and much much more Many of the certificates have

pictures or vignettes showing anything from cars to trains to Indians to leaders to nothing

Darpa had, upon their parting, presented her with Nancy Etcoff’s Survival Of

The Prettiest: The Science of Beauty, wrapping the shiny new hardback with

at all All living systems “eat”: they take in matter and energy in order to reproduce

themselves This means that they are…open thermodynamic systems In contrast, closed

the speech about masters and servants, money and illusion, given in Darpa’s

gauzily didactic, everbearing style: “You have to understand we are animals

thermodynamic systems take in no matter or energy from their environments The theorists

of thermodynamics and statistical mechanics have studied such systems for over 100 years

and we have a long history, and ignorance is stupidity in this case—this

lady’s words will make the whole thing clear as crystals for you, and you

In contrast, remarkably little is understood about the possible behaviors of open thermo-

dynamic systems Not so surprising this ignorance The vast flowering of all life-forms

won’t be fooled by those who don’t celebrate Woman, especially those women

who don’t celebrate Woman, who only sadly act out of their fear of who they

over the past 3.45 billion years is merely a hint of the possible behaviors of open thermo-

dynamic systems Over the years there have been millions of companies which needed

really are” and with that, Darpa gave her a small leather pouch of a Hopi

powder to mix with water and apply to her face on her first job, a powder

to raise money for their businesses In order to do so, the founders of these companies

issued securities Generally speaking they either issued an equity security in the form

meant for her, “from this earth everyone shares,” which Darpa had saved

for her (for many lifetimes): amid on-bed Mint Milano crumbs, valley’d

of a stock or a debt security in the form of a bond However, there are many variations

of equity and debt instruments The can be Common Stock, Preferred Stocks, Warrant,

between the undercover lumps her bankroll ski boots made in every room

she slept in, in motel after motel, she interspersed these meals with tastings

Cumulative Preferred, Bonds, Zero coupon bonds, Long Term Bonds (over 400 years)

and any combination thereof This content is in the shifting shape of the mental fitness

from three bulky boxes of Penguin Classics bequeathed to her and crammed

into the back of her van by bearded Hans Ruppel, one of her star STEP students,

landscape that guides and is guided by the motion of classical matter Certain attractors

at certain levels of Gell-Mann and Hartle’s “coarse graining” are very robust and represent

a 73-year-old emeritus-type LANL nuclear physicist, who told her, “I have

dramatically reduced the size of college for you, but neither the time nor

“eternal values” The “forms” of Plato are, perhaps, robust attractors in the super-quantum

gravity potential of the three-geometry of our actual expanding universe When I was CFO

the weight of it have been affected by this miniaturization, I assure you,” giving

her as well his favored chiseled walking stick, with which he’d traipsed Tibet—

at American Mobile Satellite and we did our roadshow to go public, we flew in a jet for two

weeks and visited over 20 cities I can’t even imagine what a roadshow must have been

across Pethang Ringmo, beneath the avalanching Kangshung face of Everest:

he teared up, said he missed his daughters, and with her gone getting up early

like 100 to 150 years ago Roadshows by horseback, stagecoaches, trains, etc. What

a different world it is today I, of course, reject this traditional Cartesian dualism

would be plain cold hell; she teared up, said she’d miss him and promised

to read no less than one Penguin every month, long as she could start with

that mind is not physical Some of the companies became major success stories Some of

the companies were acquired and merged into other companies Some of the companies

her favorite, Dickens: from the scary and icky-icky-to-the-max Dickinson,

she learned not to spend her days and nights stinking drunk, numbing

and industries were successes for a time, but were replaced by improvements in tech-

nologies The railroads are a good example of this I conjecture that aware mind

herself with pills and snorting kilos of coke, learned not to sleep with Jack

(who was only “okay,” and said in the morning, “Do me a favor…don’t tell

is the nonlocal form-dependent/intensity-independent physical field made by the quantum

potentials attached to the material beables Most of the companies, however, never made

anyone you have star cum inside you”) or Warren (too much protracted

post-pullout mirror gazing) or Mick (“Our mouths were like two oversized

it and the certificates became worthless pieces of paper…until the hobby of Scripophily

came along! There were many bubbles that came and went The mining boom in the

electric hookups, made for each other… ‘I love you,’ he told me once, ‘You’re

built just like a little boy’”) or Liam (hung like a donkey, you’d likely need

1850’s, the railroad build out beginning in the 1830’s, Oil Boom beginning in the1870’s,

Telegraph beginning in the 1850’s, Automobile Industry beginning at the turn of the 20th

an episiotomy, though you might get to douche with one of Julia Roberts’

old monogrammed hand towels) or Sly (fond of exclaiming “Bam Ham

Century, Aviation beginning around 1910 after the Wright Brothers, Electric Power Industry

in the 1930’s, Airline Wars and Takeovers beginning in the 1970’s, Cellular Telephones

Slam” upon finishing, offering you “a million bucks to get rid of the baby”

(unwanted), dropping you like an empty tin of andro when tests prove he

beginning in the mid 1980’s, Banks in the 1930’s, Saving’s and Loans in the 1970’s, Long

Distance Telephone Service in the 1990’s, and most recently the Dot Com rags to riches

ain’t the biological, but begging you not to marry another man right before

the ceremony (as Gov. Gray Davis waits to officiate), “Just say the fucking

to rags chapter Many autograph collectors are found in this field, looking for signed

certificates of famous people like John D. Rockefeller of Standard Oil Company, Franklin

word and I’ll land a chopper on the roof right the fuck now”), learned to

stay away from manipulative creeps like Cosby and every photographer

Fire Insurance Company signed by famed economist Henry Carey issued in 1836, Ringling

Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus, Atari Corporation, Eastern Air Lines with Captain Eddie

wanting to test his equipment in your equipment, learned not to suffer

multiple wasted rehab sessions, impulsive marriages and successful

Rickenbacker as President, Certificate signed by George Bush’s Great Grandfather Samuel

Prescott Bush, Broadband.com, Tucker Corporation and many others Since the hobby

abortions, learned not to treat “little people” like shit, learned not

to waste your money honey and never ever buy nice words people

is relatively new (around 20 years), it prices are still very reasonable Where can you find

a 100 year old piece of history with a an excellent engraving for under $40? Fortunately,

sell you for free (as did Ms. Dickinson), such as, “You’re redefining

the whole notion of beauty” or think/say warp-drive ego-mad things

the hobby hasn’t hit the boiler room call centers yet! Superfluidity and superconductivity

provide a very good illustration of how a common pool of information can give rise

about yourself like “I made eye contact with one guy and I swear he

passed out” or “I would walk into a room and things would flat-out

to strikingly new properties of a many-body system There are many factors that deter-

mine the value of a certificate including condition, age, historical significance, signatures,

change”: from Darpa’s gift she mined info buried beneath

refracting, reflexive hard drives and hard wiring, hunting

rarity, demand for item, aesthetics, type of company, original face value, bankers

associated with issuance, transfer stamps, cancellation markings, issued or unissued,

and gathering facts which she would store as dry powder, psychic

ammunition, highlighting in lime green and safety orange marker

printers, and type of engraving process Hi everyone—I can’t remember who has asked

me but a lot of parents have asked, so I’m letting everyone know that the SFFS small

to fight the feeling that she was putting her six pounds and twenty

square feet of flesh, her five million tiny body hairs and hundred

basketball shorts just came in If you want to buy them, they’re in my office, and they’re

$10 Just over twenty years ago I made what at first seemed like a small discovery:

thousand luxe head hairs, into something so hypersuperficial—

scratch the surface and you get…more surface: she discovered

a computer experiment of mine showed something I did not expect But the more I inves-

tigated, the more I realized that what I had seen was the beginning of a crack in the very

to her pleasure that it was plenty substantial, went back past pyramids to

caves, and sparked her first business card, which read below her name:

foundations of existing science, and a first clue towards a whole new kind of science This

book is the culmination of nearly twenty years of work that I have done to develop that new

“Deeply Superficial”: Nancy Etcoff led her, in time, to Helen Fisher’s

pair bonding lectures at the Museum of Natural History, where she came

kind of science I had never expected it would take anything like as long, but I have

discovered vastly more than I ever thought possible, and in fact what I have done now

to understand that both ladies had Darwin pumping furiously beneath

them—and what exactly the purpose of the female orgasm was, or why

touches almost every existing area of science, and quite a bit besides Copyright © 2002

by Stephen Wolfram, LLC All rights reserved Except as provided below, no part of

her pay so eclipsed the hunky chunks’, why lipstick’s red, or why she flicked

her hair and lowered her chin when approached by a man: heavily protected

this book, whether in physical, electronic or other form, may be copied, reproduced,

distributed, transmitted, publicly performed or displayed without the prior written

by the flak jacket of evolutionary psychology, years later she was positioned

to respond to the infamous Bryant Park protest by PETA: arriving to walk

consent of the copyright holder Nor may derivative works such as translations be produced

Visit www.wolframscience.com/nks/permissions for further information The author, copy-

for Marc Jacobs, as a now-certified and hard-to-get runway star (priorities,

priorities—she’d done Ungaro, Armani, Princess Tam-Tam, Calvin by then,

right holder and publisher wish to encourage further development of the science in this

book, while maintaining its intellectual integrity and preserving the value of their substantial

she’d done Yohji and Issey and Comme des Garcons—the Japanese adored

her and she them—Hermès, Gucci, Baby Phat, Ralph Lauren, D & G, Helmet

creative and financial investments through the maintenance of appropriate legal and

other rights Discoveries and ideas introduced in this book, whether presented at

Lang; she was now a one-name girl like Giselle, Tyra, Petra, Helena,

Frederique, Milla, Laetitia, Svenja, Nadja, Daniela, Veronica, Karolina,

length or not, and the legal rights and goodwill associated with them, represent valuable

property of Stephen Wolfram, LLC, and when they or work based on them is described

Elle, Heidi, Ana, like Magic, Hakeem, Michael, LeBron, Lance and Tiger

among boys; she’d done a cell-splitting spray of covers, exactly thirty-two

or presented, whether for scholarly purposes or otherwise, appropriate attribution should

be given For purposes of scholarly citation this book is a primary source, and should be

in four years, plus big time TV, something few girls conquered: Dave twice,

Conan thrice (lovable horndog) and bad-breath Leno once in the Victoria’s

cited accordingly Individual verbatim quotations of up to twenty lines of plain text may

be made for scholarly purposes if this book is clearly identified and cited as the source

Secret $11 million fantasy bra encrusted with 3,000 diamonds (under her

unbuttoned wispy white seethrough blouse) which famously unclasped

Visit www.wolframscience.com/nks/reprints for information on classroom reprints and

copying arrangements Illustrations (including tables) may not be reproduced without

while she was torquing Jay into a pretzeled yoga pose—too tight a day before

her period as it so happened, a few diamonds cascading to the floor, her tits

the prior written consent of the copyright holder Most individual illustrations in this

book represent substantial original works in themselves, and their reproduction is not

spilling too, Martin Short, co-guest, leaping up with his jacket to cover her

offending parts and her sponsor enjoying repeated replays, with mosaic wipes

fair use Visit www.wolframscience.com/nks/images to request permission to reproduce

illustrations, and for information on high-resolution and electronic versions Permission

digitally blurring bits to pass censors’ muster on cable entertainment shows,

in-flight airline packages and blooper reels—it was all good—so good Howard

to reproduce illustrations will normally be granted for scholarly purposes so long as

the illustrations are not modified, are reproduced with satisfactory quality, are used

played the tape on radio, with her the winking call-in guest and Howard lapping

it up, getting a huge laugh line when he admitted buying her “Dig” mannequin

and explained in an appropriate way, have adjacent captions or text that clearly identifies

this book as their source, and specify Stephen Wolfram, LLC as the holder of their copy-

so he could “air guitar” mime anal intercourse without the muss, fuss and

mess) she, and a number of other walking models were pelted with sticks

right Stephen Wolfram, LLC is the owner of the full copyright to all illustrations in this

book (except as indicated in the colophon), including their form of presentation and such

of deodorant, raggedy stuffed animals (raccoons, seals, dolphins, lemurs)

and remaindered paperbacks of Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth (and this

original elements as non-obvious choices of rules and initial conditions used to create

them Scholarly discussion and development subject to restrictions of fair use is never-

hard on the heels of the Donna Karan sweatshop traffic-stopping

demonstration)—rather than duck ’n’ cover, this time fashionistas

theless encouraged This book contains many Mathematica programs in source code form

These represent licensed software and may be executed on any duly-licensed Mathematica-

rose to fight, or at least talk, agreeing to take part in a New School

Forum the protests provoked: “Responsibility & Revenge: Fashion

compatible system Their source code may be reproduced verbatim for non-commercial

purposes so long as it is identified in each instance as a Mathematica program and this

Victims / Victims of Fashion?” (the inclusion of the question mark insured

industry participation when many schmatteteers smelled ritualistic slaughter

book is cited as its source Derivative works such as modified or translated versions may

not be made available without prior written consent of the copyright holder Consent

in the offing): she accepted the invitation, proffered to and through DNA,

to “represent” Modeldom, and she came equipped with fastidious notes on

will normally be granted for non-commercial purposes so long as the original version

of each program is included, together with appropriate copyright and other notices Visit

index cards to completely defang Wolf (also attending)—e.g., three-month

and six-month old babies, pre-nurture, stare significantly longer at faces

www.wolframscience.com/nks/programs for downloadable programs, and for further

licensing information The Mathematica system and language is copyrighted by Wolf-

adults rate as attractive than those deemed average or subpar, whether

gazing at men, women, Asians, African-Americans, Caucasians, or other

ram Research, Inc Certain material in this book may be proprietary, and may for example

be or become the subject of U.S. or foreign patents, pending or issued Inclusion in this

babies, they know: observations of four hundred child/parent

interactions in fourteen supermarkets show even parents bias

book shall not be construed as implying any license of any sort Visit www.wolf-

ramscience.com/nks/licensing for licensing information There are no warranties, ex-

behavior in favor of better-looking offspring—safely buckling them

into carts three times more often than uglier issue, not allowing them

press or implied, made with respect to programs, specifications, models, instructions or

information contained in this book “A New Kind of Science” and the form of the cover

to wander as far away when unbuckled; plus, Ovid quotes and mathematical

logic of our innate preference for symmetry, consonance, and soft smooth

image of this book are trademarks of Stephen Wolfram, LLC Mathematica R is a registered

trademark of Wolfram Research, Inc. All other product names are trademarks of their

surfaces, reams of statistics and common sense (most models could

not possibly know the labor practices of every company contracting

respective owners See the colophon at the end of the book for production and photo in-

formation See page 851 for explanations of cover and endpaper images Printed in

their services; many, her included, refused to model furs even if they felt

leather was kosher; many, her included, had sworn off cosmetic companies

Canada 8 Acid-free paper First edition Fourth Printing Hi everyone—It seems

these shorts cost a little more than last year’s shorts—when you see them, you’ll see

that tested on animals) but the only question she got all evening from the

panel’s moderator was, “What ‘message’ are you trying to send with your

why! The actual price of these shorts is $15, not $10, as I said in my previous email

Apologies for any budgetary confusion! (Yes, I need a vacation) Thanks, Yvette Yvette

breasts?”: that her environmental props be knocked positively killed

her, ’cause she’d done pro bono work for Greenpeace and modeled in

Bonaparte Office Administrator San Francisco Friends School Evolutionary stages

of reaction to (someone else’s) discovery: (1) Ignorance (2) Denial (3) Anger (4)

PETA’s own “We’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur” campaign (though

the queen bee there seemed bitter she could not be properly “turned into”

Depression (5) Apathy (6) Acceptance (7) Enthusiasm (8) Self-recrimination (9)

Plagiarism (10) Confusion (11) Disillusionment (12) Accusation (13) Condescension

a vegetarian and leather crusader—she had a Nike deal, she dug

leather pants, sue her!); it pissed her off to have fake baby seals

Sound from last December’s huge tsunami-causing earthquake was picked up by

underwater microphones designed to listen for nuclear explosions “If you were

thrown at her, her reputation as a green model was, she thought, pretty

widespread: it made her grimace now, and hold on harder, imagining

diving even hundreds of miles away you could hear this,” said study leader Maya Tolstoy

of Columbia University Earth’s very gravity balance was altered and the North Pole shifted

that when she survived this FUBARfest, she would offer herself

to Natural Resources Defense Council for a campaign poking

by an inch Tolstoy hopes that in the future scientists will gain easier and earlier access to

such data Sound file here Live Fatwa Name: Muslima Question: Is chatting with a guy

fun of her unfun palm episode, a new spin to make tree hugging

sexy (not just smug grim work of hard-hatted, flannel-shirted girls

on the net haram or halal, even though this person wants to propose? Answer:

Wa Alaikum Salaam, Islam does not permit love letters or intimate conversations

chained high to endangered redwoods by braided strands of their

pit fur); maybe she would/could be nude in the ad, if shot right and

between males and females who are not married to each other It is Haram for a non-

mahram Muslim male and female to indulge in long conversations with each other unless

lit right by Ari only the curve of her butt would “show”—she had a foot-

model friend in New York whose smart husband was a lawyer at NRDC—

necessary for education or for business The Qur’an reminds us again and again that all

our words are recorded and we shall be held accountable for our words as well as our

(if she was too wrecked to work again with her whole body she could

do some à la carte modeling herself—the other girls went on about her

deeds on the Day of Judgment (See Al-Ahzab 33:70; Qaf 50:18) The Prophet (peace be

upon him) said that the man or woman who indulge in talking to others about their private

legs, and her neck—neck modeling for necklace cutaways

was a possibility, or, going to college like she should have)

intimate relations are devils “They don’t get hungry They’re not afraid They don’t forget

their orders They don’t care if the guy next to them has been shot Will they do a better

her publicist (and friend) Chelsea Hadley at Model Behavior

could work any angle, Day One, once she got back, figuring

job than humans? Yes” The robot soldier is coming The Pentagon predicts that robots

will be a major fighting force in the American military in less than a decade, hunting and

she had four, five years left tops before she wanted kids: she clung

to the idea of getting back home, the new co-op, Ari, having a job

killing enemies in combat Robots are a crucial part of the Army’s effort to rebuild it-

self as a 21st-century fighting force, and a $127 billion project called Future Combat

that did good (NRDC could use her for anything), school, some kind

of future was a relief to think about, because this was going to be over:

Systems is the biggest military contract in American history Military planners say robot

soldiers will think, see and react increasingly like humans In the beginning, they will be

“Responsibility and Revenge” (which went down two weeks before

her Thai trip) could not be her last public appearance—too perverse,

remote-controlled, looking and acting like lethal toy trucks As the technology develops,

they may take many shapes And as their intelligence grows, so will their autonomy

too clunky—despite the memory of the audience’s uproarious laughter

and applause in the wake of her unprintable answer re: the “message”

A New Model Army Soldier Rolls Closer to the Battlefield by Tim Weiner ARSENAL OF

THE FUTURE Robots in Combat Way back in the 1970s, architectures neo-avant-

her boobs intended to send: she wished they could send one now,

an emailed stream of milk bounced off satellites, beamed all the

garde first began rigorously questioning the humanist privileging of architecture’s telos

towards the so-called “real” In Cardboard Architecture, Peter Eisenman posited a precise

way to help, or to attract the sweet sad bar boy who’d spent days staring

at her though the sharp fence of shade her cabana provided—she’d give him

intellectual equivalence between the cardboard scale models of his projects and their (some-

times) built and inhabitable counterparts A battalion of 120 military robots is to be

anything (a feel, a kiss) for him to shimmy up the palm and claim her

as the nonstorm storm’s shipwrecked bounty: if he got her down she’d

fitted with swarm intelligence to enable them to mimic the organized behaviour of insects

The project is run by US software company Icosystems, which specializes in creating

go down on him, was that wrong? she wondered, she was desperate

now, trying to keep it together—she felt like the ugliest nude ever

programs that mimic behaviours found in nature Their software will use simple rules

to co-ordinate complex behaviour among the robots “We will be addressing some

up there, beginning to have trouble breathing, a high cold cough

fraying her split lips’ thinnest exhales—she tried breathing only

fundamental questions about control strategies for robotic swarms” The robots’ behavior

has been modelled in a computer environment by Icosystems but the company will now

through her nose, but that made her feel she was suffocating in a sea

of air—and when the chill still increased, she noticed at last the sun

be able to test different approaches in the real world The 120 robots were built for the

US military by I-Robot Swarm intelligence describes the way that complex behaviours

slouching below the rim of forest behind the beach and the beach

was a beach for the first time since breakfast in bed, there was sand

can arise from large numbers of individual agents each following very simple rules Ants

use the approach to find the most efficient route to a food source Individual ants do nothing

at the base of the sloping tree—sopping wet, foul and mucky, still

washed with arcs of waves fanning the beach, quicksand maybe,

more than follow the strongest pheromone trail left by the other ants But, by repeated

process of trial and error by many ants, the best route to the food is quickly revealed

but sand instead of just water: did that mean the worst was over

or was another hard wave gonna fall on her the minute she eased

Eric Bonabeau, chief scientist for Icosystems, concedes it is possible that some unforeseen

circumstance could throw the robots into chaos This occurs in natural systems when,

down the tree?: she looked out to sea, saw nothing coming (no Ari

either) but she hadn’t seen anything that “White Christmas” morning:

for example, ants become isolated from their group and end up running around in circles,

following an ever stronger trail of pheromone, until they die of exhaustion “There may be

fact was she felt like if she started to move down she might not be able

to stop herself from falling into a tangled heap, breaking herself further,

some pathological configurations and we need to investigate that” Critical architec-

ture has been endlessly preoccupied with the status of the model And with the recent

or tempting drowning if the tide came in—maybe the freight train

waves erased the tides, who could know anything really?: in shade

accessibility of digital technology into critical practice, a number of new trajectories

for these issues have emerged Enter the supermodel The US military is planning

for the first time since early in her hang, her chills now spiked

into teeth-chattering shivers, her back, butt, legs completely fried—

to deploy robots armed with machine-guns to wage war against insurgents in Iraq Eighteen

of the 1m-high robots, equipped with cameras and operated by remote control, are going to

the steady offshore breeze that came up with the sun’s retreat a

cryogenic rake scraping her skin into fingernailed furrows with

Iraq this spring Officials say the robot warrior is fast, accurate and will track and attack

the enemy with little risk to the lives of US soldiers Unlike its human counterpart

every puff and lush gust, so unfair since she’d been pleading

all day for the sun to rush west: now with her wish, frigidity

the armed robot does not require food, clothing, training, motivation or a pension The

robot fighter has been named Swords, after the acronym for Special Weapons Observation

and a small squeezed feeling: she was badly stung last year when

the first real critics came, complaining (among other things) about

Reconnaissance Detection Systems Swords • can be fitted with standard-issue M

249 or M240 rifle • has four cameras, night vision and zoom lenses • can travel

overexposure: “From this juicy, full-bodied grape grows a vintage

wine, full of earthy spices, that will flow like a heavenly nectar

over rocks and barbed wire • batteries run for up to 4 hours at a time • remote control unit

has two joysticks and a video screen • costs $200,000 per unit It is based on the Talon

through the veins of those of us on earth, but business-minded wine

growers do not allow this rare fruit enough time to ripen, and squeeze

robot, which is widely used by the military to disarm bombs “It eliminates the majority

of shooting errors you have,” said Staff Sgt Santiago Tordillos There are plans to replace

its intoxicating juice too early into the gullet of lustful consumers”

said Marianne Sägebrecht, as if she was not in control of her career,

the computer screen, joysticks and keypad in the remote-control unit with a Gameboy

style controller and virtual-reality goggles Foster-Miller is the US company which

as if she was a pretty dumb puppet, not a rareripe plum—that galled her;

and Guy Trebay, in that post, sniping: “No question she’s a stunner, boys

worked with the US military to develop the robot The Foster-Miller company is owned

by QinetiQ Group, a joint venture between the UK’s Ministry of Defence and US-based

and girls all wanna do her (and what exactly is up with this abstinence

thing?) but after getting stunned so repeatedly since the Virgin God-

holding company, Carlyle Group Today, architects can print buildings This represents

a radical sea-change relative to the traditional production sequence of a…. rwalk_

dess onslaught of 2001, the inevitable mainstream Sports Illustrated

work, the tacky body painting, the calendars marching out to what,

infinity_01e_6x6x6 global proc to control name of our process instruction needs to be:

$thiswalk = randomwalk_newwalk (“x”) global proc string randomwalk_newwalk (

2020?, and the iffy decision to do the nude work, one feels Little Miss

Taser is packing a bit less punch with every shock”: did these people

string @walk) string $null; string $statement; //create a null that will store the name

of our curve $null = group –em; $statement=”addAttr -In rwalkcurvenameSML -dt

not know how much work she’d turned down, how careful she

and DNA had been about each move they made?: they’d made

\”string\” l” + $null; eval ($statement); //$null.rwalkcurvenameSML is empty for now

In a classroom ringed by Rome’s pine-covered hills, 100 priests solemnly stood in

a five-year plan and had stuck to it: the nude work was pure

pleasure, for Ari’s own book he was pitching—no product

prayer, made the sign of the cross and got down to business: a lesson on Satanism,

demonic possession and exorcism Worried about ritual killings in Italy and simple

being sold, ’twasn’t Playboy—she’d shown more crotch in

catalogs but no one says squat if you have a tiny bottom on;

adolescent angst, a Vatican-recognized university started the course on Thursday to help

priests and seminarians understand what makes people turn to the occult “All contact

she’d been stark raving in S.I. but nobody says boo if the body

paint looks like a bikini and they airbrush your li’l pinky out—

with the occult and the esoteric is extremely dangerous,” father Nanni said The class

opened as an Italian court was preparing to try eight people suspected of involvement in

it wasn’t her fault some frames got snatched and scans spread

on the web, replicating, plus she had a point to prove: in her

three ritual killings Four of the suspects belonged to a heavy metal band called “Beasts

of Satan” One victim was a 19-year-old stabbed to death in 1998 Prosecutors say

Viking monograph, Laetitia, who she liked, had written:

“I have never regretted posing nude…at the same time

her killers believed that she was a personification of the Virgin Mary Another victim

was shot last year and buried alive Beyond the violence, Italian officials are concerned

I don’t like the chaos that is triggered by it, and therefore

I don’t intend to pose anymore without clothes”—how queer,

about young people who develop personal forms of devil worship outside the known

Satanic sects, which are closely monitored by the police Young people, the officials say,

she thought, for LC to say that: that book ruled in ’00

when she was just revving her engines, teaching her

often learn about the devil through the Internet A court in Italy last week rejected

an appeal and ruled that Diego Maradona, the Argentine player who starred at Napoli

what could be done, but thinking that your picture’s causing “chaos”

is Prickinsonian, and don’t you want a little bit of chaos anyhow?—

must pay $39 million in back taxes While no one would want Maradona’s tax problems,

over the past 20 years players the world over have been happy to be compared to him:

she cut the quote (“and therefore”—oy vey!) from a guy friend’s

copy of the book, put it on her first New York apartment fridge,

~Gheorghe Hagi (Romania)—Maradona of the Carpathians ~Saeed Owairan (Saudi

Arabia)—Maradona of the Desert ~Ahmed al-Kass (Egypt)—Maradona of the Nile

and vowed she’d let it all hang out when the time was right—

finally not to be a hanger, to be liberated from the beautiful

~Zvonimir Vukic (Serbia)—Maradona of the Balkans I ~Edvin Murati (Albania)—Mara-

dona of the Balkans II ~Emre Belozoglu (Turkey)—Maradona of the Bosphorus ~Gianfranco

or ridiculous or ugly or upmarket or downmarket duds

they shove on you (how she started, how we all start!)

Zola (Italy)—Maradona of the Italians ~Andreas Herzog (Austria)—Maradona of the Alps

~Hidetoshi Nakata (Japan)—Maradona of the Orient ~Ali Karmi (Iran)—Maradona of

but Guy said “iffy” and that hurt: you learn to have a thick skin,

fuck-a-duck, and let it roll off, but she had assembled a body

Asia ~Georgi Kinkladze (Georgia)—Maradona of the Caucasus ~Paul Gasgone (England)—

Maradona of England ~Joe Cole (England)—Maradona of the East End ~Omar Sivori (

of strong work in a short time, and had begun so late compared

to Kate and Christy, really all of them, not to mention the work

Argentina)—Maradona of the 60’s Page 366 ▪ Models versus reality Questions about

the correspondence between models and reality have been much debated in the philosophy

she’d turned down: she and DNA and Model Behavior breathed

not one word of it—to anyone (though she felt like having Chelsea

of science for many centuries, and were, for example, central to the disagreement between

Galileo and the church in the early 1660s He is radical in his fundamentalism, not in

speed dial Guy when she first heard of his mean squib from some

wannabe going yellular on her from a loud meatpacking club, this

challenging fundamentals (though his writing constantly strains to suggest the latter) Yet

there is one remarkable exception At the final stage of the development of the House X,

girl was a total mouse potato, always first to get the Fashist! trash,

blog crap and gossip, which then she’d e-maul models she didn’t

after the eighth proposal and after the client had decided not to go ahead and build, even

though working drawings had been completed, so the story goes, a model was made It

know, or get their numbers while posing as the whore d’oeuvre

(early to parties with a lush flush on), chronically pushing MITIN

was not a model of the house as it would have been built, however, but a model which was

partially collapsed, all the uprights leaning forty-five degrees in the same direction So,

(More Information Than I Need) on them, pretending to be, what,

a friend?) that Richard Branson had approached them, personally,

although a full-bodied model, it borrowed some of the character of an axonometric pro-

jection, and appeared to be a state between drawing (just push a little further) and four-

and made a significant, significant multiyear, eight-figure offer

for her to be the spokesmodel for Virgin, a new “identity icon”

square, three-dimensional architecture: an intermediate condition It is also the only true

transformation, in the mathematical sense of the word, that he has ever performed on his

he called it (something they’d never done), she’d be like Marianne

in France picked by sixteen thousand mayors, only this one

work He does not call it a transformation, though, for the series of what he calls trans-

formations for House X had already been produced Unlike these, the axonometric model

would be picked by one guy and that guy would be you’re talking

to him, and not just for America where he was starting a domestic

was a thoroughgoing, unified distortion of a complete and finalized House design, and this is

why the story about its being made after the project was finished is of more than incidental

airline, but worldwide, given her cross-cultural appeal: a megadeal,

without punishing exclusivity—she could continue doing fashion

interest Formally known as the A.T.D., for anthropomorphic test device, the crash-test

dummy, with its graceful form and inscrutable face, has become an artifact of contemporary

though could no longer do any other travel-related campaigns (Tumi

would need offloading, and SilverSea Cruises) and could not be shot,

culture Mr. Alderson’s early dummies and those of his competitors were fairly

primitive, with no pelvic structure and little spinal articulation At the time, automakers

still or moving, in any scenarios (campaign or editorial) where any kind

of airplane was visible (interior or exterior, contemporary or modern,

were seeking a dummy for their own use In the 1930’s, with traffic fatalities becoming

a growing public health concern, manufacturers began to explore the design of safer

parked or airborne, in running or junked condition) a stricture extended to

hot air balloons, power boats, railroad coaches, record stores, cell phones and

cars But the new science of crash testing raised a seemingly intractable problem: to study

the effect of a crash on the human body, researchers would have to equip the test car with

all types of cola cans in the sprawling contract’s final iteration:

this would be tricky, Virgin having advance and ex post facto

a live human being Volunteers were few As a result, the first crash-test dummies were

cadavers While useful in collecting basic data, they lacked the durability required

vetting rights with editorial and art directors, and might make work

with her cumbersome, but was surmountable, whereas Section VI,

for repeated trials And because no two cadavers were exactly the same size and shape,

no two tests were strictly comparable In 1968, Mr. Alderson produced the first dummy,

clause 3, item iii was what really threatened the deal: she would need

to remain a virgin (with yearly and/or random testing at the company’s

called V.I.P., built specifically for automotive testing With the dimensions of an average

man, the dummy had a steel rib cage, articulated joints and a flexible neck and lumbar

full discretion with a doctor and/or lab of their choosing, in the event

of reasonable doubt) for a period extending to the contract’s conclusion,

spine Cavities held instruments for collecting data “They had to take impact like a

human” Samuel Alderson, Crash-Test Dummy Inventor, Dies at 90 If the man’s advice

otherwise the contract could be canceled, rendered instantly null and

void, save for significant penalties (Section XXIV, clause 7, item xii)

was not inspired directly by the economist’s rational-actor model, it could have been To

be sure, self-interest is an important human motive, and the self-interest model has well-

owed by her in the event of “material harm caused Virgin stemming

directly from such forced cancellation”: she bristled like a cycloning

established explanatory power But some economists go so far as to say that self-interest

explains virtually all behavior If the search is for examples that contradict the predictions

Dyson: a private dinner, just him and her, was set up to sort it all out—

Branson flew her to San Francisco (Virgin America’s newly picked

of standard economic models, a good rule of thumb is to start in France He just happened

to have an excellent one on sale for only 18 euros That particular Champagne, however,

home base, where he was doing business for twenty hours)—to dine

at Gary Danko, where he was bloody damn well sure he’d have her

was not on sale For many French, the logic of the self-interest model is trumped

by an aesthetic principle about what Champagnes are right for specific applications

in the bag by the time she was licking her way through the Cowgirl

Creamery wedge on Danko’s famous cheese cart: but she kaboshed

France is, of course, not the only place in which the self-interest model’s predictions fall

short Most Americans, for example, leave tips even after dining in restaurants they will

his just-the-two-of-them plan the day of the meal, insisting on company

(Max Levchin—inscrutably smart studly young Russian numbers whiz,

never visit again Does what we believe about human motivation matter? Other studies

have found that repeated exposure to the self-interest model makes selfish behavior more

encryption expert and founder of PayPal—who she’d ever-so-briefly dated

during a one-week Napa shoot, and her Model Behavior publicist/advisor/

likely My point is not that my fellow economists are wrong to stress the importance of

self-interest Perhaps the theories of human behavior embraced by other disciplines

friend Chelsea) necessitating an awkward table switch and semi-genial

Branson grumbling: over their ’97 Dominus Cab and her Calistoga, he

influence their practitioners in similar ways Several years ago, I attended a dinner with

a group of biologists that included a married couple After describing the research

poured it out: “Look, I want you to be quite happy here and we shall be,

we will be, investing quite a lot in you—we’re full-on ready to do so, but…

about how economics training appears to inhibit cooperation, I asked whether anyone

had done a study of whether males in biology were more likely than scholars from other

we have to be in a position to protect our intellectual property—

which in this case means our ad campaigns, the whole identity

disciplines to be unfaithful to their partners The uncomfortable silence that greeted

my question made me wonder whether I had stumbled onto a data point relevant for

we plan to create and nurture and pursue with you—and we cannot,

cannot be forced into a compromised or even semi-compromised

such a study But if biologists are like economists in being influenced by their own theories,

they are different from us in another respect: Their most cherished hypothesis (that males

position on the whole of it in the event you have some shagging

fling picked up by Page Six or E! Channel”: so ended her Virgin

are far more likely to engage in “extra-pair copulations”) is much less likely than ours

to be contradicted in France If firmly believed, the theory that self-interest is the sole

flirtation, and before dessert: but she liked Branson a bunch, and he her

(even still, being a good sport), having her down to Necker, where she

motivator appears to be self-fulfilling Commitment Problems in the Theory of Rational

Choice Robert H. Frank The self-interest variant of the rational choice model favored

met his gorgeous daughter Holly, a med student her age with whom

she became email pals, and Penni Pike, his long-time assistant, who

by economists and many other social scientists paints an unflattering portrait of human

nature Endangered Means There Is Still Time slide show (PDF) Endangered Means

furnished her with a list of ten of the hottest hedge fund operators in New

York and London—Sir Richard said it was to watch over her money but

There Is Still Time slide show (html) Endangered Means There Is Still Time quiz (PDF)

Endangered Means There Is Still Time Activity Worksheet (PDF) Endangered Means

after meeting three of them—Justin Lepone of Greenlight, Brian Goldman

of Lanx, and John Moon of Moon Capital—she thought perhaps there was

There Is Still Time Slideshow Activity Worksheet Answers (PDF) Consumer Sentiment:

A Little Blue Consumer Sentiment fell 1.3 points in early February to 94.2%, compared

a bet involved: it seemed as if he were trying, for sport, to get her

laid, now that Virgin’s stakes were nil: she was so spectacularly used

to expectations for no change Current conditions were unchanged while expectations

fell February’s decline kept sentiment between 87% and 97%, where it has been for 21

to this kind of thing it humored rather than irritated her: six hedge fund

managers attended Bikram yoga class with her (Adam Sweidan even did so

of the previous 22 months (the 1 exception being January’s 2004 inexplicable jump

that was quickly reversed) This relative stability has been remarkable given the ebbs

twice!) in sweaty pursuit of her assets, only too happy to waive

minimums and lower incentive fees to secure her account: for her,

and flows in job creation, the equity markets, Iraq, the election campaign, interest rates,

and gasoline prices Current Conditions were unchanged at 100.4%, matching its highest

the fringe benefits trumped any “pressure” she might feel (she was

immune): she got to vacuum their brains on how not to lose money;

level since December 2000 Mediocre job creation and higher gasoline prices kept consumers

spirits on hold but at a relatively optimistic level Consumer Expectations dropped 2.3 points

how to diversify her portfolio (served her well in the rampaging

Bear Market of 2000–2002 when so many of the living large girls

to 83.7%, its lowest level since May 2004 Rising interest rates, high energy prices, and lack-

luster income growth have made consumers more cautious about the outlook Bottom Line:

with stockbroker boyfriends, controlling dads, or conventional sugar

daddies plowed their pay into the market and got positively creamed);

Households feel a little worse about the economy but they are conflicted about the present

situation versus their expectations Nevertheless, their enthusiasm is not all that different

plus, with Penni Pike’s list, she had a steady source of responsible (non-

broke) big money guys to divert to girls she liked and knew were looking

from what it had been over the previous 22 months For sentiment to break out of its

recent range, sustained and more substantial gains in jobs are needed Sent: Friday

for such (as opposed to movie producers who wanted to “cast” them, male

models of uncertain orientation, three-chord indie rockers with habits, or

February 18, 2005 7:08 AM Aders duiker (Cephalophus adersi) This antelope

which occurs in Kenya and Tanzania moved from Endangered to Critically Endangered

clichéd agency hoods who wanted to drug ’em and rape ’em when they

were know-nothing teenagers); plus, she had fun dating even if her dates

since 2003 because of substantial population declines caused by declining habitats and

illegal hunting Sao Tome free-tailed bat (Chaerephon tomensis) This bat has moved

didn’t much care for the cheek peck or sisterly hug she’d dispense at the end

of a glorious evening dancing and drinking expensive fizzy water, bowling

up the threatened scale from Vulnerable to Critically Endangered It is known to occur

in only two sites, despite extensive searches Its coastal forest and savanna habitats

(203 high score), eating spicy fish tacos or foie gras, jogging the reservoir

or lecture attending: goodnaturedly (or not) some of her dates questioned

are being destroyed through tourism and agricultural development St Helena olive

(Nesiota elliptica) Listed in 2003 as Extinct in the Wild, this symbolic species is now

her own inclinations (such twinkies, to think that if she didn’t want to

screw them she must be a carpet muncher—indeed her serial platonic

Extinct The last known tree surviving in the wild died in 1994 and the only known

plant still in cultivation died in November 2003 No other live material (plants, seeds or

dating suggested gayness to some paid pubic gossips, a rumor she did

nothing to start and nothing to finish); some thought she must be a true

tissues) remain in local or international collections Giant Hispaniolan galliwasp

(Celestus warreni) Moving from Near Threatened to Critically Endangered, this lizard

religious freak (she was opposed to all organized religions and all

disorganized religions); but most dates (especially the guys not so

is thought to have declined by at least 80% over the last 20 years It is threatened by

habitat loss, especially deforestation for agricultural activities (planting crops and creating

ruggedly handsome—hugely successful achievers but a tad portly

or prematurely balding) were just plain aw-shucks happy for her

pastures) The galliwasp is also killed by local people who mistakenly consider it to be

venomous Galliwasps are also killed by dogs, cats and mongooses The monetary value

to be on their arms, if only for a spell: the truth: she was waiting for

Ari, just as she was waiting for him now, trying to find ways to busy

of goods and services provided by natural ecosystems (including gas regulation,

waste treatment, and nutrient recycling) is estimated to amount to some 33 trillion

her mind in the palm (to keep her self going, to keep her self alive

until something good happened) just as she’d found ways to occupy

dollars per year—nearly twice the global production resulting from human activities

Expensive Booze, Heating Oil, Motor Vehicles The PPI increased 0.3% in January,

herself until the time he committed to her: there’d even been a wild

(near) fling with Tyson Chandler, #3, a café au lait Chicago Bull

in line with expectations However, there were large variances against predictions

for many sub-categories We believe that with the exception of the human mind,

drafted out of high school, seven foot tall (he needed a six-footer),

a true peer (four months her junior) sporting an “Only The Strong

there is no more powerful and moral tool for human survival, success and happiness

than the female body We believe it turns women into goddesses, not anorexics or sluts

Survive” tattoo on his right triceps, a phat giddy-up website, and he

could relate to most of what she’d gone and was going through, but

We believe it turns men into lovers, fathers, creators and providers, not monsters Rather

than robbing children of their innocence, we believe it gives them their very lives, and

the No Babies Allowed (NBA) lifestyle, him being in Chicago mostly

and his constant whining about playing time (not getting enough, who

turns them into healthy adults, not perverts Rather than eventually destroying the world,

we believe it is here to save it Thus we believe that the attacks we see on female beauty

is?) convinced her he may have been dope, fly, money, and sick—she

may have been feeling him but he wasn’t gonna be feeling her: she’d

and/or the women who possess and use it are attacks on all of us, on our children,

on our motivation and moral rectitude, on our future, and on our essential humanity

wait: and the waiting may have been the hardest part but it was not

passive: she was watching and stalking and in full pursuit (even on

I’m sure I’ll be inviting hate mail but saying so, but this deal and others like it are just

the latest in a string of initiatives aimed at reducing the BlackBerry to mere commodity

the other side of the globe), she was phoning and writing, mailing clips

and postcards (her preference over email: postcards cannot be deleted,

status That won’t happen overnight, of course This is, after all, the CrackBerry we’re _

talking about But its secret sauce of “always on” mobile email service is not so secret

must be fetched, can be signed, usually by way of an open outlined

heart sketched fast in MAC Cockatease over whatever she’d written

anymore And that means, like an aging supermodel, the BlackBerry’s place among

the elite list of “it” gadgets is no longer assured Probability theory makes it difficult

or she’d put lips to paper and blow him a big one): for a period of nine

or ten months she’d sent him a postcard every day, even when she knew

to conclude that the Bam Earthquake of Christmas/Boxing Day 2003 and the Earthquake/

Tsunami of Christmas/Boxing Day 2004 were purely natural occurrences Were two events

they’d just be piling up at his empty Tel Aviv apartment or Paris sublet

(with him away shooting on assignment), often quoting whatever it was

separated by 1 year and 58 minutes, intelligently directed? Exactly one year to the hour after

after the Bam, Iran earthquake killed 26,000 a massive earthquake in Asia unleashed tsunamis

she was reading: miniature panoramas, melodramatic moments drawn

from her favorite Dickens scenes, gas lit, coal black, sliced hysterically

killing The New Zealand storm petrel (Oceanites maorianus) was presumed extinct

due to the lack of records since specimens were collected in the 1800s but it was

out of context, or “It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty

is goodness” she scrawled on a Statue of Liberty card courtesy her Penguin

rediscovered in 2003 with two separate observations followed by further sightings in

2004 The Fernandian rice rat (Nesoryzomys fernandinae) from the Galapagos Islands,

Tolstoy; or the next day, on a Columbus Circle card (majestic woman

driving a seashell chariot behind hippocampi), “If everyone were cast

known only by skeletal fragments found in owl pellets, was listed as Extinct in 1996—

again prematurely In the late 1990s it was rediscovered The species is now listed

in the same mold, there would be no such thing as beauty” from her Penguin

Darwin—little things to make him think and know she was also thinking

as Vulnerable—a welcome boost in status The Lord Howe Island stick-insect (Dryococelus

australis) was thought to have become Extinct around 1920 after the introduction of rats

about him: from the time she’d met him in Haifa, she felt she was moving

towards him, even if she was standing still or circling back or (occasionally)

to Lord Howe Island However, in 2001 the species was rediscovered on Balls Pyramid,

a rocky outcrop 23km from the Island The Vietnamese warty pig (Sus bucculentus) was

hiding, but now she was really truly waiting, for him to show up

on the horizon and swim towards her, save her: she shifted, shifted

listed as Extinct in 1996 In 1997 the species was reported to exist based on the discovery

of a fresh skull At the moment after labor when a mother hears whether her child is

in her skin, pained weight rebalancing, trunk stuck in the endless

moment she couldn’t break free of, but what else to do?: cry out

a boy or a girl, Lisa Greene was told she had a son She named her baby Ryan and went

home Ms. Greene learned five days after the birth that her baby was a girl Doctors

when only animals were left?—though now she saw a snowy contrail

of a plane high in the blackening blue sky, the first she’d seen that day:

who ran tests diagnosed congenital adrenal hyperplasia, a condition that, put simply, can

make baby girls’ genitals look male As the young mother struggled to get over her

someone was going somewhere: she remembered the gilded statue

from the Columbus Circle card—it’s funny what you think of when

shock, to give explanations to relatives and put away the blue baby clothes, she also had

to make a decision: whether to reduce the enlarged clitoris that made her look like a boy,

you think you’re about to die—how Juan Pizarro had shepherded her

around, her very first weekend in New York—she’d just found a space

or leave it alone Our Mission: The Intersex Society of North America (ISNA) is devoted

to systemic change to end shame, secrecy, and unwanted genital surgeries for people

for her beloved beat-to-shit bald-tired Quest, a sprawling barbed-wire

broken-glassed lot, she was keeping it despite the impractical nature

born with an anatomy that someone decided is not standard for male or female • Inter-

sexuality is primarily a problem of stigma and trauma, not gender • Parents’ distress

of owning a van in the city, she could always get in it and go

if she needed to—Go Dog Go!—and Juan had picked her up

must not be treated by surgery on the child • Professional mental health care is essential

• Honest, complete disclosure is good medicine • All children should be assigned as a boy

in a taxi at that lot by the river, and taken her to Columbus Circle,

where he’d begun a walking tour to introduce her to her new life:

or girl, without early surgery When ISNA started its work over a decade ago, nearly all

medical providers were using a treatment system that was based on incorrect facts and

she remembered feeling blessed, as if Darpa had somehow (planetary

arrangement?) handed her off to Juan for safekeeping, feeling teary

outdated ethics The standard of care featured the “concealment” approach, which un-

intentionally harmed many individuals and families On January 18, 2005 NBC aired

and giddy at the same time: Juan led her across the Circle, between askew

sawhorses, whining compressors, Carl Andre-like plates covering manholes

an episode (“Identity”) of Law & Order SVU closely mimicking David Reimer’s story

(“the John/Joan case”) as a plot, right down to a vaporized penis, quotes like “easier

in the street (hellacious construction of black glass Darth Vader towers

made her miss the little town of Los Alamos for the first but not last time)

to dig a hole than build a pole,” secrets and lies and a very unsavory representation

of a doctor implicitly modeled after John Money The Casper Wyoming Star Tribune

and over the noise, began his (increasingly hoarse) lecture with an aside:

“Look,” he said, pointing to the heroic bronze statue, “for some it’s Marilyn,

is carrying an article about Miki Ann Dimarco Early this year, a U.S. District Court

judge found that 438 days confinement in Pod Three, a maximum security four-cell

for some it’s Madonna, for me, I’m weird, it’s Munson”: chapter and verse

followed about Audrey Munson, who’d died quiet at age 105 in a nuthouse,

segregated area that is used to house the Wyoming Women’s Center worst inmates, was

not cruel and unusual punishment Dimarco was found guilty of passing six bad checks,

where she’d spent the last sixty-five years of her life in virtual anonymity,

a spiraling depression having caused her commitment in 1931: but before

totaling $742.85 That’s not why she was confined all alone for over a year Rather,

prison officials decided to segregate her when they discovered that she was intersexed

all that, Juan took pains to point out, she was born in a small town, moved

to New York City at fifteen with her mom, was that same year “discovered”

Does ISNA think children with intersex should be raised without a gender, or in a third

gender? No, and for the record, we’ve never advocated this We certainly would like

on the street by a portrait photographer, and became only the most perfect,

versatile, most famous of all American models: as Juan held her arm across

to see people become less freaked-out by people who don’t fit sex and gender cultural

norms But there are at least two problems with trying to raise kids in a “third gender”

taxied traffic and strolled her in a swirl of fall leaves through the southern edge

of the park to the plaza in front of the Plaza, he recited from memory, trying not

First, how would we decide who would count in the “third gender”? How would we

decide where to cut off the category of male and begin the category of intersex, or,

to crack up, the words of the president of the National Christian League

for the Promotion of Purity: “This young woman ought to be ashamed

on the other side of the spectrum, where to cut off the category of intersex to begin

the category of female? Second, and much more importantly, we are trying to make

of herself,” mimicked Juan, “Maybe she has perfection, as the sculptors

call it, of features and figure, but that doesn’t give her license to parade

the world a safe place for intersex kids, and we don’t think labeling them with a gender

category that in essence doesn’t exist would help them (Duh, huh?) Is a person who is

her charms to the general public”—now showing her Munson on a fountain

in front of the famed hotel, then heading up Fifth Avenue to show her Munson

intersex a hermaphrodite? No The mythological term “hermaphrodite” implies that a

person is both fully male and fully female This is a physiologic impossibility Russia

on the pediment above the Frick Museum (“the sanest place in New York,

come here for solace when you need it” he advised her)—and then the rest

Helps Israel Keep an Eye on Iran Moscow, April 25 Russia launched a satellite for Israel

Tuesday that the Israelis say will be used to monitor Iran’s nuclear activities The Eros B

of the story: how Munson was both head and tail, as it were, of the U.S.

Mercury dime; how she’s in front of the Public Library, the Brooklyn

satellite was launched from Svobodny, in eastern Russia The satellite is intended to help

Israel gather information on Iran’s nuclear program and its long-range missiles, said

Museum of Art, twenty feet tall as “Civic Fame” on the top of the Municipal

Building (then tallest in the world), how the Met has thirty pieces based on

an Israeli official who spoke on condition of anonymity Similar to EROS A, EROS

B will provide better performance “Intersex” is a general term used for a variety

her posed flesh, but when Beaux Arts painting and sculpture were crushed

under the theory-shod hooves of Modernism, she ended up in silent movies

of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that

doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male For example, a person

covered head to toe in wet plaster, no acting talent to speak of (great box

office, completely nude) but the normal moral scandals banana-peeled her

might be born appearing to be female on the outside, but having mostly male-typical

anatomy on the inside Or a person may be born with genitals that seem to be in-between

slippery slope down: “She loved to take off her clothes and oh, she loved

to eat, just like you!” laughed Juan, escorting her further into the Upper

the usual male and female types—for example a girl may be born with a noticeably large

clitoris, or lacking a vaginal opening, or a boy may be born with a notably small penis,

East Side, “A famous sculptor told her, or so it’s said, ‘Guard those dimples

my girl, and if you ever see them going—cut out the apple pie!’”: he didn’t

or with a scrotum that is divided so that it has formed more like labia Or a person may

be born with mosaic genetics, so that some of her cells have XX chromosomes and some

have to tell her the moral of the story (Juan knew she was a quick study)

and by then he’d placed her at the doorway of a carriage house on a quiet

have XY Though we speak of intersex as an inborn condition, intersex anatomy doesn’t

always show up at birth Sometimes a person isn’t found to have intersex anatomy until

block, holding her hand as she imagined a grandparent might—firmly yet

gently (though he was way too young for the part) saying, “You will walk

she or he reaches the age of puberty, or finds himself an infertile adult, or dies of old

age and is autopsied Some people live and die with intersex anatomy without anyone

through this door some day, I don’t know when but I’m sure of it, and you

will be pretty nervous, so here’s a secret clue: when the guy who works here

(including themselves) ever knowing Which variations of sexual anatomy count

as intersex? In practice, different people have different answers to that question

was a boy, maybe nine years old, just starting to take pictures, he made

a snapshot of his sister, she was seven I think, and he taped the negative

That’s not surprising, because intersex isn’t a discreet or natural category What does

this mean ? Intersex is a socially constructed category that reflects real biological

to his bare shoulder and let the sun burn the image into his skin—she

had big eyes, dark hair, an oval face, a long neck—she was the proto-

variation To better explain this, we can liken the sex spectrum to the color spectrum

There’s no question that in nature there are different wavelengths that translate into

type for him, and every picture he’s made of a beautiful woman since is

like a memory of his little sister, or…call it a search for the same feeling”:

colors most of us see as red, blue, orange, yellow But the decision to distinguish, say,

between orange and red-orange is made only when we need it—like when we’re asking

Juan never told her who the photographer was, she never asked—he

only said, over the dinner that followed, he knew in his bones she was

for a particular paint color Sometimes social necessity leads us to make color distinctions

that otherwise would seem incorrect or irrational, as, for instance, when we call certain

going to go somewhere and he thought their little walk, his stories,

would be like starting blocks for her, he said “a word to the wise is

people “black” or “white” when they’re not especially black or white as we would otherwise

use the terms In the same way, nature presents us with sex anatomy spectrums Breasts,

sufficient,” lowering his gaze with a smile at her flourless chocolate lava

cake à la mode: twenty months later she indeed opened that carriage

penises, clitorises, scrotums, labia, gonads—all of these vary in size, and shape and morph-

ology So-called “sex” chromosomes can vary quite a bit, too But in human cultures, sex

house door, and three brisk months after that saw her first Avedon cover

hanging on the 86th and Broadway corner newsstand, hard by Honcho,

categories get simplified into male, female, and sometimes intersex, in order to simplify social

interactions, express what we know and feel, and maintain order So nature doesn’t decide

D-Cup and The Economist: why had she remembered all this now? she

tried to remember through mind-blanking fatigue—maybe she’d slept

where the category of “male” ends and the category of “intersex” begins, or where the

category of “intersex” ends and the category of “female “ begins Humans decide Humans

again—no, the statue, right, they’d find her here, in a week or two, rigor

mortis, maggots, stuck to the tree, a pinned butterfly, decomposing like

(today, typically doctors) decided how small a penis has to be, or how unusual a combination

of parts has to be, before it counts as intersex Humans decided whether a person with XXY

Bach, a skeletal armature like the inside of the first model of her

mannequin, a statue: she never forgot that walk with Juan, it felt

chromosomes or XY chromosomes and androgen insensitivity will count as intersex In

our work, we find that doctors’ opinions about what should count as “intersex” vary

like being both born and warned in an hour, a jazzy fall day (nothing

like this idiotic tropic Thailand), oranges and reds and yellows against

substantially Some think you have to have “ambiguous genitalia” to count as intersex,

even if your inside is mostly one sex and your outside is mostly of another Some think

a slate gray sky threatening cold awakening rain: she remembered every

moment of it: that was her start, as surely as Taos, the Trench Coat Mafia,

your brain has to be exposed to an unusual mix of hormones prenatally to count as inter-

sex—so that even if you’re born with atypical genitalia, you’re not intersex unless

the Red Sea scarlet nipple, and now it was feeling like this might

be it: the end: had she traveled so far, a gazillion miles, relentless

your brain experienced atypical development And some think you have to have both

ovarian and testicular tissue to count as intersex Rather than trying to play a semantic

escalator of whirring motor drives, photoshopped zits, cucumber sleep

masks and fucked-up ’rents, only to end here, a lonely anonymous minor

game that never ends, we at ISNA take a pragmatic approach to the question of who counts

as intersex We work to build a world free of shame, secrecy, and unwanted genital

celebrity—she’d never been so scared of dying since that spring day

under the table in her high school library more than five years ago,

surgeries for anyone born with what someone believes to be non-standard sexual anatomy

Is intersex the same as “ambiguous genitalia”? No, saying someone has an intersex condition

a completely different person now and still the same inside: she thought

for the last time about getting down, inching away slowly, trying to walk—

isn’t the same as saying she or he was born with “ambiguous genitalia,” because some

people with intersex conditions have genitalia that look pretty typically masculine or

she knew she couldn’t, but maybe she could crawl: no, she decided

she would stay put (safer that way), wait for help and focus on Ari:

feminine Yet nearly all medical professionals agree that these kinds of conditions are

intersex Why do we put the “ambiguous genitalia” in quotation marks? We don’t

if those were her last thoughts, so be it, that was a better way to die:

maybe the last thought gets imprinted forever on your mind, played

particularly like the term since no child thinks his or her own genitals are “ambiguous”

They’re just their genitals It’s the grown-ups who are feeling ambiguous Who was David

over and over again, a broken record deciding heaven or hell depending

on the thought—drunk driver coming at you (hell), the sweetest thing

Reimer (also, sadly, known as “John/Joan”)? David Reimer was born an identical (non-

intersex) twin boy in 1965 At the age of 8 months, David and his brother each had a

your lover ever said (heaven)—she’d comb through all the best Ari

thoughts while waiting for him to resurface and to get back into bed

minor medical problem involving his penis, and a doctor decided to treat the problem with

circumcision The doctor botched the circumcision on David, using an inappropriate method

somewhere safe where they could resume eating breakfast and snuggle

forever: hours ago she’d turned her eyes up the beach to avoid what was

and accidentally burning off virtually all of David’s penis At the advice of psychologist

John Money at Johns Hopkins University, David’s parents agreed to have him “sex

down the beach: bloated bodies, maybe eight, mostly kids, a few grownups,

washed onto the sand, pushed up and pulled back into the bay over and over

reassigned” and made into a girl via surgical, hormonal, and psychological treatment

—i.e., via the system Money advocated for intersex children For many years, John

again as small waves plowed into and retreated from the surprised

shore—she’d turned her head to the right so she could face away

Money claimed that David (known in the interim as “Brenda”) turned out to be a real

“girl” with a female gender identity Money used this case to bolster his approach to

and kept it there, but now vertebrae in her neck sent electric shocks

zinging her skull and her left ear was numb, bloody from the palm

intersex—the approach that is still used throughout much of the U.S. and developed

world—one that relies on the assumption that gender identity is all about nurture (up-

bark’s rough press, and she had to lift and twist her head back down

the beach, closing her eyes against what she’d surely see: she’d keep

bringing), not nature (inborn traits), and that gender assignment is the key to treating

all children with atypical sex anatomies As it turns out, Money was lying He knew

them closed, the better to summon him: she was in love with Ari

from their first shoot together, but couldn’t trust the feeling—maybe

Brenda was never happy as a girl, and he knew that as soon as David found out

what happened to him, David reassumed the social identity of a boy How can you

she was in love with the cover he’d mysteriously concocted, maybe

she was in love with the fact that he didn’t hit on her, maybe she was

assign a gender (boy or girl) without surgery? When you assign a child a gender

as boy or girl, what you’re doing is labeling them a boy or girl That’s it You don’t

in love with the fact that, had their paths crossed, Ari would have shot

down her father’s plane, no questions asked, with a smile, had it come

need a surgeon for that But how do you pick a gender if she or he is intersex? The child

is assigned a gender as boy or girl after tests (hormonal, genetic, radiological) have been

within tickling distance of his country’s manic antennae—for a long time

she couldn’t be sure what exactly it was except connected: she called Darpa

done and the parents have consulted with the doctors on which gender the child is more

likely to feel as she or he grows up We know, for example, that the vast majority of

after a time, explaining the strange chemical change she felt whenever

she was within the slingshot orbit of one of his shoots, and Darpa had

children with complete androgen insensitivity syndrome grow up to feel female, and that

many if not most children with cloacal exstrophy and XY chromosomes will grow up

listened, looked into it, done a remote “reading” from Santa Fe—names,

birth dates, meeting date, attributes—she knew it was pure woo-woo but

to feel male In cases of intersex, doctors and parents need to recognize, however, that

gender assignment of infants with intersex conditions as boy or girl, as with assignment

it was pure and Darpa said the light was green: she really got scared but

decided to bite the bullet: in the Seychelles, the S.I. shoot which launched

of any infant, is preliminary Any child—intersex or not—may decide later in life that

she or he was given the wrong gender assignment; but children with certain inter-

her into the stratosphere (2nd best-selling cover ever) she spilled

the beans to him one night walking on the beach—the darkness

sex conditions have significantly higher rates of gender transition than the general

population, with or without treatment That is the crucial reason why medically

helped, she didn’t have to look at him, he couldn’t see her eyes, tears

she fought to hold back—telling him everything important about her

unnecessary surgeries should not be done without the patient’s consent; the child with

an intersex condition may later want genitals (either the ones they were born with

life she’d not told him before, not told any boy or man in a position

to avail himself of her: her superschmucky father, her motherless

or surgically constructed anatomy) different than what the doctors would have chosen

Surgically constructed genitals are extremely difficult if not impossible to “undo,” and

mother (her mom’s whole Saab story as they’d always called it), what

happened with Quentin (the hardest part for her, she lugged the shame

children altered at birth or in infancy are largely stuck with what doctors give them

Over the course of the past 25 years I have constructed an immense number of

around for years and hoped he’d lift that bag as surely as any barefoot

smiling Sherpa) and the tricky part about living through the library

models for a wide range of scientific, technical and business purposes But while

these models have often proved extremely useful in practice, I have usually considered

when her friends had died—how fucking random, how fucking

insane, how irreversible: that night, in Ari’s bungalow, she had

them intellectually quite unsatisfactory For being models, they are inevitably

incomplete, and it is never in any definitive sense possible to establish their

sex for the first time with anyone other than herself (up

to that point more than sufficient to keep her happy)

validity Ch Kamikazi’s Remington Ch Nanuke SnoKlassic No Boundaries Ch Cat-

skill-Maranda NYS of Mind Ch Full Moon’s J Elwood Barns Ch Hohotushka S Zolo-

and Quentin (if you could call it that, nine years ago): she was clear

she wouldn’t have intercourse until she was married, but was game

togo Grada Ch Bayview Some Like It Hot Ch Bastion’s Music In The Glen Ch Cha-

Rish Star Quest Blu-J’s Ch Windamir Cherry Jublee Ch Lowdown Jacqui Frazier-Lyde

for everything else (she’d learned what she knew, wrong, at twelve, and

wanted, needed, to feel different now): Ari slipped at one point, making

Ch Lobato’s Anything Goes Ch Dieudonne Impyrial Acclaim Ch Lone Star’s Ryder

Ch Gillian’s Quintessential Quincy Ch Peachtree Furrondie’s Rainey Ch Southports

a joke as to whether her vow was because she didn’t want to screw

up DNA’s marketing angle on her career—the ultrahot virgin thing

Sherman Ch Ironstone Mafioso Ch Twin Oak’s Inside Trader Ch Freestyle Ocean

Breeze Ch Gamegards U S Marshall Ch White Magic’s Shanallee Ch Koobear Kaila

had begun to find some traction in the press, the Esquire“Women We

Love” issue had tongue-in-cheekily published an open letter proposing

Jubilee Ch Opdyke’s On The Sauce Ch Scarlights Seasar TD NA Ch Oldiron Magaret

River Ch Mookyblue Majr Leage A Jones Ch Wismiss Aka Inu Figaro Ch First Class

a discreetly proper deflowering (“We sense in all your work a yearning

for contact”), while USA Today ranked her #13 on their Hot List, quoting

Superman Ch Skyline Sgt Pepper Ch Rocky Top’s Sundance Kid Ch Action Bestuvall

Zodi Act Up Ch Kinloch’s Royal Troon ME Ch Pennywise Hairris Tweed Ch Broxden

a breathless (drunk?) Calvin Klein saying “Everything about her is defined

by longing”—and she bolted upright from the bed, pointing her trembling

Rio Oso Best Dressed Ch Saredon The Seductres Ch Royalty’s Star Over Coleraine

Ch Falcarragh Meg O’Rockledge Ch Keribou’s Pocket of Petals Ch Northcote

index finger at Ari’s forehead from across the room, steaming, hissing

in no uncertain terms that if he ever disappointed her again by making

Delzar Serious Riot Ch Mersey Gunna B Grand Ch Tecuya’s Something To Talk About

Ch Regency’s Twist Of Fate Ch Cracknor Cause Celebre Ch Huntwood’s First Knight

such a comment, suggesting such a thing, even hinting such a thought

was possible, she would never, never ever, lay eyes on him again, not

Ch Bayshore’s Bobbaloo Ch Blueberry’s Attitude Dancing Ch Efbe’s Money Barks Ch

Of Skyeline Albatros Ch Ellora Bastion Ch Celebrity Ice Cube Ch Tothwood’s

for the biggest cover or highest-paid campaign, not for love, not for

nothing, nada, zilch, goodbye, the end: Ari managed not to disappoint

American Beauty Ch Balinbrae Stonewash Genes Ch Tamarin Tip-Off Ch Shirlu’s

Hot Shot Ch Co-Laboration Ch Nauset I Believe I Can Fly Ch Weaver’s Defining

her in such a way again, and in return, she became fiercely committed

to him: he was wowed but scared: the postcards started, the byzantine

Moment Ch Bayshore Cruis’n The Casbar Ch Eli-Fran’s Sir William Ch Marsward

Merger By Design Ch Los Perritos Laredo Ch Hearsay All About Dharma Ch Chindale

practical jokes set up by third parties time-zones away, the instant hard-on

phone calls (even at, especially at, inappropriate times), xeroxed diary pages

Hiddenkey Survivor Ch Showboat’s Xmas Carol Ch Fwaggles Tap Man At Burmack Ch

Maraven Pop Secret Ch Cadaga Civil Action Ch Yakee If Only Ch Starfire’s Wicked

faxed internationally (not meant for him but meant for him) and so on:

it took him the better part of a year to be ready to ask her to marry him

Mean-N-Nasty Ch North Well Chako JP Platina King Ch Kendoric’s Riversong

Mulroney Ch Hallmark Jolei Jezebell Ch Anahab’s Mark It Square Ch Valcopy

(and to be ready to stop sleeping with other girls, who threw themselves

at his feet like eco-protestors at bulldozers): he would call and ask her to

Butch Cassidy Ch Tyava’s Wyatt Earp Ch Eros’ U Can’t Touch This Ch Dorianns

Int’l Man Of Mystery Ch Donnybrook’s Aramis Ch Super Nova Hernandez Ch

read him her diary, entries from five, ten, twelve years ago, he ate it up—

hearing about her flighty dad, he called it “The Tome of the Unknown

Preshar Jodao Baywalker Ch Xishan’s Guardian Angel Ch Quiksilver’s Rhythm And

Blues Ch Fjordlund’s Finkkila Yuri Ch Colby’s Divine Design Ch Laser’s N’ Sync

Soldier” (he made her laugh when she wouldn’t otherwise), he loved

the penumbral orange edge of her voice, hearing it crack in the sad parts,

With Trumpet Ch Ta Sen Victory Peyote Ch Touché Pearlbrook Heartbreak Ch

Kiyara The Intimadator Ch Cotian Style And Splash Ch Breawoods Dance To

cracks he’d fall into deeper: she fast-forwarded now through a reel

of all the normal stupid things that wouldn’t have meant anything if

The Risn Son Ch Koma-Inu I’m The Man Ch Ambrier’s Nothing Gets Past Zeke Ch

Kimik’s Bare Necessities Ch Sanbar’s Curtain Call JH Ch Creeksyde’s Bee Outragous

she’d not done them with him, of how she’d grown up, and, finally, given

in last night—she was sick and tired of waiting, felt married already, did it

Ch Kan-Point’s VJK Autumn Roses Ch Drakkars She’s All That Ch Quail Run’s

Grizzlypeake Bonanza Ch Riverwatch Southern Cross Ch Quillquest Etched In

it with no protection, come what may she didn’t care, she’d been modeling

for it seemed like a century (four years) and she was wondering if some

Stone JH OA AXJ Ch Majecgold Paydirt To Allsgold Ch Fenwyck’s Dark Crystal Ch

Littleriver’s Decoy Dancer CD Ch Huntwood Intuition Of A Dream Ch Brentwood’s

thing might come of it, closing her eyes tighter now to prevent the Ari-

less horizon intruding, she would need to ask Issey to please remake her

Dimpled Chad Ch Saxony’s Snow In August Ch Waterway-Game CRK Mare-Z Dotes

Ch Vifhnu Quijote Del Cipres Ch Pandora Picturesque Ch Bleumoon’s Illusive

wedding dress by adding more pleats about the belly—he’d told her no

matter how steamy it was on her Seychelles wedding day, he’d make sure

Dream Ch San Jo’s Born To Win Ch Jaybriar’s Sweet Romance Ch Esspecial Stormy

Weather Ch Capriole’s Normandy Commander Ch Sylmar’s Raindancer Ch Clussexx

her dress would “breathe deeply”: she would make stretch marks

sexy, Ari could find a way to do that, he is such a good lensman,

Three D Grinchy Glee Ch Ferndel Copywrite Ch Dee Tias Julius Pleaser JH

Ch Grouspt Semprfi Vorosakapink Ch Smokey City Hail Mary Ch Fireside’s

such a good man, he practically grew up in the water, those first

pictures, Gulf of Aqaba, everyone said there was something special

Liason JH Ch Beachbrook’s Its Raining Men Ch Arubmec’s Sweet Spot Ch Foxglen

Special Forces Ch Kowtown’s High Speed Chase Ch Windkist A Walk In The Park

there, you could feel it, if it’s not inside it won’t be outside, we swam

there naked, no he dared me but I didn’t go, but I wanted to, skinny-

Ch Southchases Brave Heart Ch Heathers Knock On Wood Ch Raynbo’s Winter Rose

Ch Rose Farm’s Chunky Monkey SL Ch Laddland Crown Jewel Of Lucene Ch J Luvs

dipping like teenagers, he was holding onto the post of the bed (just

like me) therefore, therefore, I won’t pose, pose nude again, good

Schoolhouse Doodlebug Ch Kelly Mt All American Ch Drycreek’s Mr Gene Ch Brasspur

My Blue Heaven Ch Pacific’s Serenading Anthem Ch Gryphons Stellar Eminence JC

swimmer better than me, I could be sabra, almost, I can be, I could

be you Little One falling down the water, Ari, tree up, up up up up:

Ch Taliesin’s Llenlleawg Ch Vin-Melca’s Bright Image Ch Scentasia’s Hostile

Takeover Ch Afterglow Woody Woodpecker Ch Shalimar Wind Mia Neon Moon JC

below her, coming out of the forest, a tangle of muffled male voices,

coming towards her, arguing it seemed, on the bruised but now risen

Ch Kimani’s Aires Above The Ground JC Ch Shahtani Tropical Breeze Ch Thistleglen

Margot Ch Sporting Field’s Rock On Ch Reddenblu’s X File Agent Ch Caitland Isle

beach, she could not see them but could hear voices—couldn’t tell

the language—the first she’d heard since the screams and calls of

Take A Chance Ch Daybar’s All Schook Up Ch Roulets The River Samber HSAs

Ch Rolin Ridge’s Quinlan PT Ch Aftershock’s Ares of Daradan Ch Borderfame

morning, and she made, through bone pain and clotted

parched tongue, some sharp sounds back, something like

Spellbound Ch Vanleighofs Believe N Dreams Ch Dior Rainbeard On The Ball Ch

Jealou’s Got Milk O’Madriver Ch Barksdale The Mistress Ch Kaleef’s Genuine Risk

Hey Hey…Hey, and she could hear them start chattering with each

other, coming nearer, louder—they were Thai men, yelling with

Ch Lambluv’s Desdemona Ch White Star’s Zachary T Ch Catsun Colusa Ch Ozark Crest

Fortune In Gold OA OAJ Ch Kingsbury’s I’m Harry P Ch XIV Karat A Walk To Remember

excitement once they saw her—and she could feel something

small and steady, barely there, gripping, holding on inside.

SOURCES [IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE]

fleshbot.com / pinkpornstars.com

si.com

metrolyrics.com / searchlyrics.com

theoryofeverything.org

nydailynews.com

ecologynews.com / rednova.com

spacedaily.com / nature.com

airshowfan.com / topfighters.com

warbirdalley.com

joevialls.net

themetalith.com

labiaenhancement.com

geektimes.com / cnn.com

vaginainstitute.com

newyorktimes.com

femalepumping.net

aaadir.com

newyorktimes.com

archrecord.construction.com

israelnewsagency.com

americanheritage.com

my-tropical-islands.com

sheetmusicplus.com / jmwc.org

jewishgen.org

worldwidewords.org

phillyburbs.com

littletongov.org

nepenthes.lycaeum.org

20six.co.uk/gametes69

gostanford.collegesports.com

kerriwalsh.com

progressive-sports.com

orbimed.com

AskMen.com

supermodels.nl

laetitiacasta.com

emediawire.com

greenplastic.com

steerforth.com

jdeis.cornerstoneindustry.com

en.wikipedia.org

socom.mil/Releases/Body_Armor

google.com/maps

jdeis.cornerstoneindustry.com

lanl.gov.natlsecurity/index.shtml

flatrock.org

wellness.lanl.gov

msnbc.msn

channelnewsasia.com

ap.org

noteitposts.com

art-talk.net

artnet.com

christies.com

newyorktimes.com

aqrcapital.com

newyorktimes.com

ralph-pucci.com

noteitposts.com

storexpo.info

Krista Neely <jlatg@interia.pl> (spam)

Will Bermudez<vwjxp@inwind.it> (spam)

Gilbert Price<omdywgraux@free.fr> (spam)

Pedro Dowdy<mxxsvgcualp@wp.pl>(spam)

Tricia Moyer<vinvcqcoo@list.ru>(spam)

parkermeridien.com

milkywaychannel.com

aracnet.com

simonwinchester.com

pamperedpassions.com / wsj.com

en.wikipedia.org

strategypage.com

home.infinionline.net

flug-revue.com

esi-topics.com

idmodels.com / dnamodels.com

flug-revue.com

en.wikipedia.org

wellness.lanl.gov/olrsc/wsj/wsj_index.htm

howstuffworks.com / bbc.co.uk

qedcorp.com

bellagio.com

aerospace-techonology.com

panmere.com/rosen/mhout/msg01392.html

spearmintrhino.com

vegas.com

avocent.com

math.columbia.edu

dw-world.de

qedcorp.com

dw-world.de

astron.berkeley.edu

scripophily.com

qedcorp.com

scripophily.com

wolfram.com

stephenwolfram.com

wolframscience.com

scripophily.com

qedcorp.com

scripophily.com

qedcorp.com

penguinclassics.com

scripophily.com

qedcorp.com

scripophily.com

qedcorp.colm

scripophily.com

qedcorp.com

scripophily.com

sffriendsschool.org

wolframscience.com

anthro.rutgers.edu

sffriendsschool.org

instiphysics.sunysb.edu

furisdead.com

LiveScience.com

nrdc.org

IslamOnline.net

newyorktimes.com

oparch.net

newscientist.com

oparch.net

newsvote.bbc.co.uk

oparch.net

ap.org

laetitiacasta.com

vivadiego.com / upi.com

wolframscience.com

oparch.net/RobinEvans

fashist-online.com

runwaymayhem.com

virgin.com

newyorktimes.com

newyorktimes.com

garydanko.com

levchin.com / slide.com

texaslawreview.com

mutualofamerica.com

endangered.fws.gov.kids

insighteconomics.com

redlist.org

insighteconomics.com

tysonchandler.com

SuperBeauty.org

motleyfool.com

bellaciao.org/en/article.php3?id

redlist.org

newyorktimes.com

isna.org

paulmitchinson.com

amazon.com

ap.com / defense-update.com

isna.org

wolframscience.com

westminsterkennelclub.org/

2005/results/breed

Misspellings, non-grammatical usages and other errors in the found texts have been displayed as they were in situ, with all original characteristics preserved, as if trapped in amber.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This was a rather long trek, and no one gave more nourishment/encouragement in the dinner tent than Isabel Breskin, as well as providing topical dressings for blisters and remedies for mountain sickness. Among beta version readers, Mark Rowland, Rafi Zabor, Jeremy Blake, and Richard Silberg were extra helpful, and I am deeply grateful. Three other folks proved essential: Jerry Wright and Sam Seaman and Nami Dunham—you know what you did, and do. Another triple: Kim Bonnell and Nigel Poor and Chelsea Hadley of Model Behavior—kudos cubed. Anjelique Payne, former Miss Colorado Preteen and Miss Colorado Teen Queen, helped with Littleton and all that, and Dean Young, national treasure though never Miss Berkeley, offered some crucial words a few years back. Zoe Prillinger and Luke Ogrydziak helped in bits and bytes and gigantic helpings of storage, patience and technique: three things no modern man can be without. Nicole Miller, for friendship. Barbara and Don Ruhman, for lifelong ’rental support. Adam Nelson and Lauren Cerand, for taking a flier. Lisa Griffin, at the Norton Simon Art Foundation, answered my plea for Cranach the Elder’s Adam and Eve, this book’s essential mandala. Finally, the dudes and dudettes of Soft Skull, especially Kristin Pulkkinen and Luke Gerwe (pinch hitter extraordinaire), and the big cheese, Richard Eoin Nash, for supporting the ongoing madness.

A NOTE ON TYPOLOGIES

The text of this book’s first edition, published in 2006 by Soft Skull Press, was set in Caslon, the invention of William Caslon (1692–1766), an English type designer. Working initially in London as an engraver of gunlocks, Caslon set up his own foundry in 1716 and debuted his typeface in a 1734 broadside specimen. Caslon is cited as the first truly English typeface—English printers prior to this time used mainly imported Dutch types. (Caslon himself based his type on Dutch models.) Originally produced exclusively by H.W. Caslon & Company, this type was widely distributed throughout the colonies of the British Empire, including those in North America. The rough look of early American printing can be partially attributed to the effects of oxidation on the metal sorts from exposure to seawater during the long voyage across the Atlantic. Caslon faces were used for most important printed works in English between 1740 and 1800, including the first printed version of the United States Declaration of Independence. Caslon is characterized by bracketed serifs, moderate modulation of stroke, and some resemblance to Venetian antiqua letter forms. Among other things, George Bernard Shaw said, “I’ll stick with Caslon until I die.”

The display face of this book, for both the 2006 print edition as well as this 2017 ebook edition, is set in DATA 70, the work of another British designer, Bob Newman. This typeface has its roots in the 1958 introduction of ERMA, MICR, and E13B. ERMA stands for Electronic Recording Method-Accounting; MICR stands for Magnetic Ink Character Recognition; and E13B is the font comprising the set of ten numerals and four odd characters printed in magnetic ink at the bottom of every bank check. Prior to ERMA and MICR, all checks were sorted and recorded by hand, requiring bank branches to close each day by 3 pm. The system, and in particular, Bank of America, was choking on checks. E13B—a specially designed Arabic character set that could be recognized by both computers and humans—allowed checks to be sorted and recorded electronically for the first time, and on a worldwide basis. By the late 1960s, this machine-readable font served as a graphic shorthand for the emerging human/computer interface. In 1970, while working for the Letraset Type Studio, Newman designed DATA 70, which expanded the E13B number set into a full upper and lowercase alphabet. Within a few years, it acquired its own cultural currency as a symbol of computerization and futuristic orientation. Today, the typeface appears historical—the future ain’t what it used to be—but it still represents a significant stroke: a worldwide code, crackable everywhere by humans and the machines which serve them.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Breskin is a writer and record producer. His most recent book is CAMPAIGN, a series of poems written about the 2016 United States presidential election. He is the author of three other books of poetry: Fresh Kills; Escape Velocity; and DIRTY BABY, a collaboration with artist Ed Ruscha and guitarist Nels Cline. A similar project, RICHTER 858, was a multimedia inquiry into the abstract paintings of Gerhard Richter, with Bill Frisell and a dozen American poets. His poems have appeared in many periodicals, including The New Yorker and The Paris Review. Among his other books are a novel (The Real Life Diary of a Boomtown Girl) and a collection of interviews with film directors (Inner Views: Fillmmakers in Conversation.) In addition to Cline and Frisell, he’s worked with many leading-edge musicians, among them Mary Halvorson, Kris Davis, Craig Taborn, John Zorn, Joey Baron, Chris Lightcap, and Ronald Shannon Jackson. In an earlier configuration, he was a freelance investigative journalist and a contributing editor for Rolling Stone. He lives in San Francisco.